Why Indian Kids are parent dependant way into adulthood, and vice versa.
India is a collectivist country. Here, the opinions of uncles, aunties, neighbours, and the neighbour’s dog matter. In the Indian Culture, it has been a norm for children to live with their parents way into adulthood, even when children themselves have reached their middle ages and have their own children. (Wtf!)
This country is ruled by a controlling mindset, where parents believe that they “think what is best for their children” and make their financial, social, and even relationship decisions for them.
This mentality is deep-seated into the minds of the Indian society and the people of this country.
Now, there are a couple of reasons behind this psyche of operation that a majority of Indian parents operate by.
The first thing being, Indian children are never allowed to make their decisions autonomously. It is always their parents that influence their decisions, be it financial or education. Everything is done if the parents give an “OK”.
Indian parents raise their children completely dependant on them. This is the reason many Indian adult children are treated like kids way into their 20s and even 30s. Because they are not raised financially and socially smart, standing on their own feet independently becomes even more difficult as time goes by. Many 30 somethings still live with their parents and do exactly as they say. “Because we said so” is a legitimate explanation for everything according to Indian parents, even if it is against the child’s wishes and well being.
A lot of this controlling and decision making is done by manipulation, shame, guilt and a bunch of other negative toxic behaviours that Indian parents have used for centuries to have their kids be their slaves for life.
The “Indian Culture” advocates a family mindset compared to an individual mindset promoted in the West. This leads to the parents to think that their children are their fall-back-on during their old ages since they invest so much to raise and educate them. This dependency mindset is engraved in our very being.
A majority of Indian children never leave their parent’s houses and live with them for life, which causes them to not build anything for themselves. You either live with your parents till they die or you “abandon” them if you decide to step out and try building something for yourself.
A lot of Indian children are shamed if they want to live independently with their wives and family. The burden of society constantly judging them has often led to burnout in a lot of men, or depression, or sometimes even worse.
The Indian Society thrives on dependency and abuse, and we do it all in the name of “family”.
Men, especially the ones that marry the woman of their choice are guilted and gaslighted by their parents if they choose to spend more time with their wife and the family they are trying to build. He is shamed if he decides to move out and create a future for himself, and sometimes even disowned (what?) for stepping out and taking his own decisions.
In this case, women have it slightly better. Thanks to the “ladki paraya dhan hoti hai” and all o’dat bullshit. If a girl doesn’t visit her parents more than a month- its all cool shes married she wasn’t meant to be here anyway. But if a boy decides to build a home with his wife God save him from being the black sheep of the family. (A family that HE broke, btw.)
This is not just a one-sided parent soap opera. Indian children have a sense of entitlement like no other. Their pocket money is loaded as and when and they never learn financial skills to manage themselves. So many Indian children feel they are entitled to their parents’ property and “deserve” to inherit their wealth.
Indian children are raised with a taken-for-granted mindset where they lack the value of money, lack real-life skills, and even basic street-smartness to navigate through the tough world.
Indian children lack the self-sufficiency factor and end up dependent on their parents way into adulthood where they need shelter, money, and resources to sustain themselves. Despite this, Indian parents give their children all they have and have created an even bigger problem where adult children resort to drinking, drugs, and other substances because they “don’t need to work”.
This protective approach taken by parents leads to children making rash financial decisions, learning about life the hard way, and sometimes adverse consequences such as debt and legal issues.
Parents in India spend beyond their means on their children’s education and lifestyle to an extent where they do not plan for their retirement and are dependent on their children for their old age.
They consider their children a “financial investment” that they can reap benefits of when they are old.
While our parents think that “spoiling” us with love is their way to raise us, the odds are not in our favour. The quintessential desi young adult survives on Maggi (which is nutritionless and gross, guys), does not know how to pay their bills, and does not know how to be a responsible adult.
We are raised as children throughout life, babied as we try to understand the real world. This creates an illusion that the world is easier to live in than it actually is. The result of this upbringing is deadbeat dads and skill-less moms that are struggling to make ends meet even for their children.
From our clothes going to the “dhobi” for ironing to PayTm solving most of our bill issues now (thankfully), we’re a horribly raised generation of young adults that is at best guessing how to navigate through life with our wine drunk selves that don’t understand the law and have had everything served on a platter. And for what? To live with our parents until they die or we do?
Indian children lack individuality. They are too scared to step up and too frustrated to step down. We are the missing middle of this society that needs to pick themselves up before we can pick our parents up.
This is a serious issue, not just for us as individuals- but as a developing economy, as a society, and as a nation.
