why I love my family.
I realized that I love my family more than ever. I love spending time with them, and that is when I feel the happiest. I can be myself with them, my true self. As I live my life, I’ve been hurt a couple of times by untruthful friends and betrayals by people I trusted most. I think since these things happen occasionally, I had subconsciously learnt to create a persona that veiled my true identity. That is perhaps why my friends tell me that my eyes aren’t smiling most of the time. Since I’ve been traumatized (slightly), I’ve found it hard to decide whether I should truly be happy when I’m with my friends. Can I trust them? I don’t know… In fact, now I do know who I should and shouldn’t trust. The latter is unanimous. It’s painful to not really be able to trust anyone actually. But then I think that I subconsciously end up acting like I trust them. I guess I’m just really fearful, but I’m really bad at developing two separate personas, as the two identities often merge by accident.
Anyhow, because of the knots in my life, I’ve started listening to The Smiths again. I love their music, especially their lyrics but oh my, this is a bad sign. I’ve been playing “I Know It’s Over” on repeat. How pathetic of me… but sometimes you need to take awhile to get your feelings together first in order to really move on. It’s the preparation time that allows you to start your life fresh and strong. 2017 had only just started, but I feel like I’m challenging myself in many ways. I’ll have to get out of my comfort zone soon, before it’s too late because “shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to” ← a little Morrissey for you at the end :-)