Life is a one time gift…
Life has but only two constants, between which lies uncertainties seasoned with adventure, joy and heartbreak.
My gift, is served with a distasteful dessert of depression and instability.
Self-doubt is a normality; a reflex the brain engages to punish you into improvement. A sort of fight or flight mode for life’s extensive pallet of challenges. The device that doses my self doubt is managed by an overworked operator that regularly falls asleep at the helm. Often with his head squished firmly against the ‘administer’ button.
An overdose is as bad as the phonetic of the word would have you believe. An overdose of self-induced misery is toxic and ultimately corrodes one’s will to live with industrial efficiency.
We all have a tether, each one of varying lengths and flexibility. It’s agonising to admit that I feel that I’ve reached the end of mine.
My days are shrouded by an exit-less maze, the futility of such a construct diminishes all will to persevere. Though we all fall victim to turmoil; humps and bumps in life’s many roads that challenge our sense of selves, always threatening to make or break us. Turmoil from which we either rise renewed or to its ashes we retire; forever bound at a molecular level.
My only anchor - the bonds that save my atoms from becoming scattered to the winds - is the entourage of those closest to me, both related and not. To make an emergency stop now would forever disfigure the beauty beheld in the faces of those I hold most dear.
Though shameful to admit, I almost envy those who are most isolated. To have no fear of the tragedy their escape would leave in their wake, evokes a mental image of the greenest grass, placed frustratingly on the other side.
Alas, here I remain; alive and unwell. In limbo between the only two duties we as a species have in common; living and dying. I’m failing magnificently at both.