Emotional intelligence is one of the most underestimated, and at the same time highly required skills in our society. When talking about emotional intelligence, we are talking about one’s capacity to manage their own feelings, and understand the emotions of others. Emotionally intelligent people have the ability to express emotions properly and be empathetic towards others. Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence, or EQ can be trained by adopting certain habits and incorporating them into your daily life. According to Amy Morin, to understand mental strength you have to learn how thoughts, behaviors, and emotions are connected. You have to choose behavior based on balanced emotions and rational thinking. It’s important to identify irrational thoughts and replace them with reasonable ones. Easier said than done, but you have to learn to control your emotions, so your emotions don’t control you. And always keep in mind, that your current situation is not going to stay like this forever, so despite the circumstances try to behave in a positive manner.
To better understand the concept of emotional intelligence, here is a list of habits, emotionally intelligent people have:
+ Self-Awareness
Emotional intelligent people are very self-aware and pay attention to how they carry themselves, the way they speak, and how they appear. Self-awareness can be labeled as one of the key components of EQ. It involves the ability to recognize and manage your own thoughts, actions, and emotions. It also involves being aware of the effect your thoughts, actions, and emotions have on other people. To increase your self-awareness you can practice daily meditation, which will increase mindfulness and your attention. When in social situations, you can ask for constructive feedback, or during your me-time, write a journal to reflect on your experiences, thoughts, and emotions.
+ They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry For Themselves
Yes, we’ve all been through tough situations that seem hard to get out of in the beginning, but it’s important to know, that feeling sorry for yourself, won’t do you any good. The only thing it actually does is waste your time. Feeling sorry for yourself will lead to yet more negative emotions, and it will prevent you from healing or progressing in your life because you get soaked up in negativity. When stuck in a state of self-pity, you’ll more than likely overlook and miss out on the beautiful and actually good things happening in your life. A good way to get out of this situation is to distract yourself with anything that makes it hard for you to feel sorry for yourself. Go out, meet up with friends and like-minded people, treat yourself to a nice spa visit or just go and work out. Physical exercise is one of the best ways to get your mood and overall well-being up again. Also, try to look at your situation from a different POV, that’s when you start seeing the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Sometimes your situation is not that bad, therefore focusing on the now, and being grateful for what you have at this moment will help you a lot.
+ They Don’t Obsess Over Things They Cannot Control
The question of whether something is in your control or not depends highly on your own, personal locus of control. The locus of control is strongly connected with your belief system and your upbringing. People with an external locus of control hold the opinion that everything that happens to them is regulated by the universe and faith. People with an internal locus of control, on the other hand, think that everything that happens is in their immediate control. They think they can control their future, success, and even health. Having an internal locus of control has been idealized for a very long time because, in fact, you’re responsible for the outcomes and decisions you take in your life. Nevertheless, trying to be in control of everything, also has its downsides and creates unnecessary stress. Imagine you’re hosting a dinner party and you know you’re a pretty good cook. You are still not able to control whether your guests will like your food or not. Trying to control situations like this will most likely leave you frustrated. Instead try to have a balanced locus of control and focus on the things you actually can control, which is your behavior, thinking and emotions. Sometimes you also need to accept the fact that some people might just not like the dinner you have prepared. When you stop trying to control every aspect of your life, you’ll be happier, less stressed and have better relationships.
+ They’re Able To Stay Positive
Emotionally intelligent people don’t confuse a bad feeling with a bad life. They choose to not project the present moment into a possible future. Especially in tough moments it is important to look for the silver lining in order to maintain a happy and healthy outlook. Emotionally intelligent people also won’t let anyone limit their joy, they are confident with who they are, and what they’re doing, so other peoples opinions won’t affect them in a negative way. Not everyone will agree with what you’re doing, and how you’re doing things. But always keep in mind, this is your life and you’re the one and only person that has the power over what your life is supposed to look like. If something feels good, go for it, take a risk, and just focus on what makes you happy.
+ They Don’t Repeat Their Mistakes
The problem with repeating a mistake is that, not only will you not reach your goals, but it’ll leave you frustrated, and you’ll lose confidence in yourself. It’s like a vicious circle that will drag you down every single time it happens. But why do people repeat mistakes over and over again? We have been conditioned to cover up things that went wrong, or might put us in a bad light. By doing so, we actually fool ourselves. In order to not repeat a mistake you have to sit down, admit something went wrong and examine what went wrong. In the next step create some sort of plan on how to avoid making the same mistake again. The third step is to practice self discipline and stick to your new action plan. It’s okay to make mistakes, that’s what makes you human and we all do it. BUT, mistakes should always be seen as a lesson, you can benefit from for a happier and fulfilled future.
+ They Are Not Afraid To Spend Time Alone
The fear of solitude also partly derives from social conditioning, and spending time alone is often confused with being lonely. There’s an unspoken underlying pressure that being alone is bad and being surrounded by people is good. Emotionally intelligent people don’t have that fear. They know the importance of a balanced lifestyle and are aware of the benefits some me time can have. Spending time by yourself allows you to become more in tune with yourself. You can finally unwind, pay attention to what your body needs, and recharge your batteries. I have noticed that I am most creative when I spend time by myself. My brain just suddenly switches into ‘me-mode’ and those are the most productive times. All those factors are closely linked to to mental health, and people who enjoy alone time are less likely to experience depression. A good way to practice solitude is through meditation for example. It will help you calm down, regulate your emotions, and increase your focus. Journaling is also a helpful tool to sort your thoughts and emotions. You can also just plan a little date with yourself and do something you really enjoy.
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