Dating with Apps

A horror story from modern era.

I really really did.

Not really a horror horror. Just bad.

Honest to God nobody in their right mind would do this for fun, ok? Fuck! Never mind the effort you have to put into it, but the amount of bullshit you encounter is just insane. 80% is a waste of your time with people not really replying, 18% are normal people but that you have no interest in, at least not in a romantic level, and then the 2% is the jackpot where you like the person and they like you back. We will not go into what happens next, because the numbers get really sad after that.

The profiles of these apps are just… amazing (NOT!).

Let’s make a list, shall we?

  1. People that put pictures and it is like “Where is Wally?”. Because this motherfucker puts 5 pictures always with 20 different people, and you just can’t understand who he is.
  2. People that just have selfies. Hey fuck boy, you are not that handsome and even if you were nobody likes a person who loves themselves that much (but Sofia, what about people who have no friends and have to take selfies because nobody will take pictures of them? Have you thought about them? I did — I don’t trust them).
  3. People that say NOTHING on the god damm profile. Really? Are you that lazy? Apparently so.
  4. People that have photos with their girlfriends or wives (there is kissing involved)… I mean… I… I got nothing
  5. The pout. Jesus. Nobody deserves that.
  6. The same photo with different zooming. Really? And in that photo you can see like a quarter of his face (but Sofia that is not nice. You are making it sound like it is a lot about physical aspect. Oh yeah, because these apps are all about the how the real you. Fuck off)
  7. People that think too much of themselves. In the bio these people have things like “If you only say Hi I will delete you. I want a smart woman. I’m a sapiosexual. If you don’t know what is you should swipe left”. Immediately I want to vomit. But let’s break this down. If say “Hi” as a first introduction is because I cannot be arsed to find that “special” thing about you anymore because 80% of you ignore me. The best part: “I want a smart woman. I’m a sapiosexual. If you don’t know what is you should swipe left”. One — I’m sure all you want is a smart woman… Let me go and laugh a little bit. Two — how about no? Three — Google said sapiosexuals are people who are attracted by intelligence traits. Maybe that is why you are half naked in 2/3 of your photos… ah! of course. Google must have gotten the concepts mistaken…
  8. “I have traveled to 30 countries and counting” I just think “I’m glad you are counting… so important”
  9. Men that introduce themselves like a creep “Hi, my name is Steve and I’m nice. Come and meet me. I don’t bite”. I rather not. My creep alarms have gone off. A lot.
  10. Men that think this is a competition on who is more successful. “I am a landlord, I have a successful business and am looking for the lucky lady to share all of this”. Dude… good for you, but how weird. I don’t want to keep your house, live in it or share a space with you. I potentially want to date you and this is all you have to say about you?

There are more people. But 10 is a nice number.

Also the conclusion here is that I will die alone because I am picky as fuck (but I am funny, haha).

The end.

It wasn’t that bad, was it?

Image from here — other funny memes