Forrest Gump and the Caregiving Crisis
Over the Holidays, I watched Forrest Gump for what felt like the 1,638th time.
In one memorable scene, Forrest and Lt. Dan are relaxing on the deck of one of their Bubba Gump shrimping boats. They’re washing down some shrimp cocktail with cold beers when they’re unexpectedly interrupted. “There’s a call for Forrest… his Mama’s sick.” Immediately, Forrest dives overboard— fully clothed — into the Gulf of Mexico and starts swimming. He can’t wait to be by his Mama’s side in Greenbow as she fights cancer. And later, by his beloved Jenny’s side as she battles HIV/AIDS.
“You could come home with me, to my house in Greenbow, Jenny. I’ll take care of you if you’re sick.”
Like Forrest, just a few weeks ago, I decided to take a leave of absence from my work to spend time with my parents in India as my Mom battles a terminal illness. Unlike Forrest, however, I did not dive head-first into the Atlantic. But my desire to be with my parents in their time of crisis was just as strong. I write about why — and my story as an immigrant — here. Since I posted that article on social media, I’ve been overwhelmed and overcome by the response.
“For some reason, what I was doing seemed to make sense to people.”
So many wrote heartbreakingly of their challenges as caregivers as their children or parents battled serious illnesses. A business school classmate and fellow immigrant wrote of losing both her father and mother inside of 2 years. A former colleague messaged to say that his father-in-law was dealing with Stage IV colorectal cancer. Another business school classmate recently posted about her daughter, who has a rare disease that requires very serious and ongoing medical intervention. Two college friends have been sharing updates about their stay at a clinic in a long-shot (but ultimately successful) effort to heal their daughter’s autoimmune disorder.
“I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.”
More often that not, unfortunately, my friends’ stories ended with the loss of a loved one — well before their time. Each note brimmed with the pain and helplessness of bearing witness to the suffering of someone you care for deeply. In almost every case, these caregivers willingly upended their lives to care for their loved ones. And in almost every case, they paid a personal price to do so. Moving states, countries and even continents — for months or even years at a time. Extended separation from loved ones. Marriages strained to breaking point — and beyond.
“It Happens.”
“What, Sh*t?”
“Sometimes.”
Caregivers also endured material financial and career impacts. Expensive medical bills. Lost jobs — and lost incomes. Promising careers interrupted — or permanently disrupted. These consequences weighed heavily on the their minds. These caregivers are devoted to their families - but they‘re also the kind of folks who like making a dent or two in the universe. The backbone of the organizations they work for — and the American economy. Surely their employers— and the largest economy in the world — would have their back in their time of need?
“Hey Forrest, I’m going to lean right back up against you and you lean right back up against me that way we don’t have to sleep with our heads in the mud.”
In the mid-1980s, 11-year old Dixie Yandle was diagnosed with cancer — every parent’s worst nightmare. The illness resulted in the amputation of a leg. Her mother Vicki asked her employer, a furniture store, for a leave of absence to care for her daughter. Instead, Vicki was fired. A year after the diagnosis, Dixie’s father George was pink-slipped from his job as a car salesman for “poor performance”; the Yandles believed the real reason was his employer’s fear of increased health insurance costs related to Dixie’s illness.
“So, I went to the White House, again. And I met with the President, again.”
Stories like the Yandles’ were so commonplace that family medical leave became a campaign issue in the 1992 presidential election. Candidate Clinton promised to address it. So it came to be that Dixie’s mom Vicki found herself in the White House Rose Garden one chilly February morning. She was by the newly elected President’s side when he signed into law the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA). The administration touted this as a significant leap forward for the American worker.
“Stupid is as Stupid Does.”
By today’s abysmal standards, FMLA was a bipartisan legislative achievement — passed with support from Democrats and Republicans. Yet, support was hardly unanimous. 163 Representatives in the House (140 Republicans) and 27 Senators (25 Republicans) voted No. In fact, Clinton’s predecessor, President George H.W. Bush, twice vetoed a similar bill in 1990 and 1992. Apparently, many in the GOP feared that family leave placed too great a burden on American employers.
“Now, Mama said there’s only so much fortune a man really needs… and the rest is just for showing off.”
In truth, FMLA didn’t do enough for American workers. It afforded NO protections for workers who worked for smaller employers. Or worked part-time. Or needed to care for someone who was not a parent or a child. There was NO paid leave for anyone. Bottom-line, FMLA left American workers with fewer protections than any other major industrialized economy. In the three decades since its passage, FMLA has been found to be so inadequate that some states have been compelled to act unilaterally to extend its meager protections in limited ways.
Yet, these actions are just like so many drops in the proverbial bucket that does precious little to address America’s caregiving crisis. Today, there is a 1 in 5 chance that you will end up caring for an elderly, sick, or disabled family member — and likely unable to work. If post-pandemic inflation has you living paycheck-to-paycheck — like nearly two-thirds of Americans — that loss of income will be devastating. And if you live in the 41 states that do not even offer fractional income replacement, you’re really screwed.
Because, chances are, your employer isn’t going to be stepping up to the plate. According to this excellent Harvard Business School study, more than half of employers have no idea of their employees’ caregiving responsibilities. Only a quarter believed these had any influence on employee performance. So only a precious few employers — among the titans of Corporate America, those companies with the trillion dollar market caps, those unicorns, those places where carried interest is a thing and the companies that show up on the “best places to work for” lists — have any kind of paid family medical leave program. If you don’t see a problem, and you’re not required to address it, why would you do anything to fix it?
Mama always said, Dying was a part of life. I sure wish it wasn’t.”
Today, it’s been three months since I came to India, two months since I made the decision to go on leave under the auspices of FMLA, and one month since that leave formally began. My Mom continues her fight against her terminal illness here. My father is constantly by her side. When I made the decision to go on family medical leave to be with them, I wanted to focus on only one thing. To be of some support and comfort to them, in whatever way I could.
Instead, in that time, I’ve worried about a lot of things. Whether or not I could work remotely for my US employer from India. Whether or not I had enough paid vacation days left in the year. Whether or not I qualified for some kind of leave from work. Whether or not I’d still have my job when I returned. Whether or not I could continue to support my wife and kids in the United States while I was away. Whether or not my state had some kind of lost income replacement for caregivers. Whether or not I would qualify. And if I did, when that money would come.
Any day now, I hope.
“Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don’t have to worry about money no more. And I said, that’s good! One less thing.”
Gump was lucky. By the time he came home from Vietnam, he had scored some serious cash by endorsing ping-pong equipment. By the time his Mama fell sick, he was a partner in a successful shrimping business. And by the time his beloved Jenny fell sick, he was an early investor in Apple Computer. I’m going to go out on a limb and say HE didn’t have to worry about paid family medical leave.
When you are called upon to be a caregiver — and that time will come — may you be as fortunate as Forrest.
“That’s all I got to say about that.”
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As the spirit moves you
So I may know that my writing spoke to you
If only for a fleeting moment.
