Surviving as an International Student
Part 1: Social Life
The honey-moon phase — when everything looks like rainbows and butterflies — fades away and you’re soon faced with the reality of being a clueless foreigner in a new country. You miss your mom’s home-cooked food, the circle of friends, and the security of knowing your favorite hang out places by heart.
That was me in 2013 when I had just arrived in Tennessee for college. Despite having lived in Korea, New Zealand, China, and Thailand, it didn’t change the fact that the United States was yet another place that was new, exciting, and unfamiliar. I knew adjusting was going to be hard, but I didn’t know the magnitude of it just then.
Fast-forward to 2019 and here I am, a senior at Berkeley. I had spent 2.5 years at a private university in rural Tennessee, decided I wanted to pursue a marketing career in the Bay, and after a two-year gap working full-time to defray the cost of tuition, I finally transferred to my dream university.
Cultural barriers, loneliness, and homesickness were and will continue to be an integral part of my struggles as I adjust to life in the United States
My story cannot be fully told in one paragraph, however — cultural barriers, loneliness, and homesickness were and will continue to be an integral part of my struggles as I adjust to life in the United States. And having talked to many of my international friends, I know they share similar sentiments. So I want to share some personal challenges and offer some tips on how I overcame them. I hope that this will be an encouragement and resource to international students who feel helpless, lonely, or confused with all that is new in America.
I divide the series into three sections: social, academic, and professional. The first two focus on campus life, and the last on career development (with a focus on non-STEM majors, although applicable to anyone looking for a career in the US). I offer tips on finding a good work-life balance, fighting loneliness, and succeeding in an American university. I offer actionable tips on networking, resumes and cover letters, and leveraging tools such as LinkedIn. These are things I wish someone told me before I started my job search, but instead had to learn through hours of research and countless mistakes (like sending in 20+ job applications with just a resume because that’s what we do in Korea, and foolishly wondering why no one was contacting me).
Let’s begin with what we all like to talk about: social life.
Social Life: Fighting Cultural Barriers and Loneliness
Living in a new country is hard. Everything is new: the place, people, atmosphere, culture, and food. No one knows you — yet. You have to force yourself out there or live like a lonely hermit in the confines of your bedroom.
Back in Tennessee, I chose the latter. I don’t exactly know why, but I was more interested in getting a perfect GPA than making friends. So I spent 80% of my waking hours in the art studio or doing homework. I had a hard time socializing with my American friends, who — don’t get me wrong — were extremely friendly, but I just had a hard time connecting with them on a deeper level. So I immersed myself in my studies and felt like I had to deal with the overwhelming loneliness, ironically, by bingeing on instant ramen and Korean variety shows in my room, alone.
As a result, I got a perfect 4.0. But I also gained a lot of stress, 20lbs, and a dissatistying social life. So I promised myself I would never go back that route again while at Berkeley. And along the way, here are the rules I set for myself:
1. Get involved in clubs ASAP
Finding your niche group is the best way to make connections and friends in a new place, especially in college. With bountiful options of student organizations available on any college campus, you’re sure to find a relatable one — are you a bio major wanting to express your creative side? Join a swing dance club for beginners. At Berkeley, we have a club for everything. I mean, there’s one called Students Against Hippies in Trees…
Joining a club early on is especially important as an international student. It allows you to find a community who understand what you’re going through.
How do you join clubs?
- Most universities have a website for a list of clubs — try Googling “university name — student organizations/clubs”
- Go to student organization fairs, which are commonly held on the first month after orientation in the Fall (Aug/Sep) and Spring (Jan/Feb)
- Some clubs are extremely competitive (I had no idea — some Berkeley clubs have the admittance rate of an Ivy League), so make sure you know their deadlines/interview schedules
2. Find friends from your country
Piggybacking from numero uno. Whether through clubs, community organizations, or class, find friends from your country so you have people to go drink boba, eat spicy kimchi stew, or just breathe the same “cultural air.” I promise, it will enrich your life so much more.
3. Don’t be afraid to make (cultural) mistakes
Get out there! Embrace the beauty of discomfort!
This is a little counterintuitive from the previous advice, but let me explain. Once you have a group of like-minded friends, its time to venture out into the unknown.
Your English doesn’t have to be perfect, nor does your knowledge of the culture. Try to talk to as many people as possible, and hear their amazing stories. Yes, it's daunting. But you’ll be amazed at how much your world will expand when pushing boundaries, and I promise you it will be worth the effort.
Also, your English will improve exponentially! Isn’t that why you’re here in the first place? To learn and thrive? So get out there and expose your wonderful self (not too much though).
4. Try not to eat quickly or alone, even when busy
One of the loneliest things as an international student is eating alone. I understand that school gets busy and food may go down the priority list. Microwaved macaroni, instant ramen, hot pockets… believe me, I know. I spend hours on Tasty videos which usually ends with a “that looks so good but way too complicated.”
But taking some time off to cook and enjoy your food is extremely important for a happier and fulfilling life. There are multiple studies on the harmful effects of eating alone (loneliness, poorer diet) and the benefits of focusing on your meal. If you have the means, try to eat out at least 2–3 times a week with friends or try to plan meals with your friends’ place. If you live in a dorm, share your groceries to whip up a delicious, cooperative meal.
Love yourself, your body, and invest time in your food.
My eating rules were in part inspired by my French housemates, who always prioritized their time in creating healthy, home-cooked meals. They always seemed to have a great balance of work, fun, and self-care.
So I did some observation and research, and it turns out there is such a thing as the “French Eating Model,” which partially explains how they still have a 7% obesity rate as opposed to 22% in America (Guardian).
Here are specific rules I set for myself:
- Spend at least 30 minutes on a meal
- Chew a lot before swallowing
- Eat home-food 1–2 times a week (ex: Korean, Chinese, etc.)
- Plan meal dates with friends so you force yourself to go out
- No technology is best, but don’t work when eating. Instead, watch something fun if alone (personal favs: New Girl, Tuca & Bertie, or a random food show).
Most importantly, remember that it’s not that you don’t have the time. It’s about setting priorities, and food should be near the top of the list.
On an end note — fight on and never stop trying. International student life is hard, but it's really what you make out of it. Don’t be afraid, venture out, and explore the endless possibilities. I’ve learned that the more mistakes I make and the more vulnerable I am, the better, more empathetic, and well-rounded person I become (Do I sound like Brené Brown?).
And most importantly, put yourself first. Take care of your body and mind. Stay mentally and physically healthy, and enjoy the land of opportunities that is America.
I will come back next week with tips on academic life: how to utilize campus and online resources, study tips, talking with professors, and other useful tips on surviving U.S. higher education.
Please feel free to leave comments on suggestions or questions for this series or future blogs!
Sol Bee is a senior media studies major at UC Berkeley. She resides in the co-ops but found a second home at Moffitt; she is also an avid café-goer and recommends Brewed Awakening/Romeos for peak productivity. Learning about the power of intercultural communication by living in 5 different countries, she wishes to share the power of empathy through her writings.
