Please realize the military doesn’t have a lock on PTSD. It’s not Post Combat Stress Disorder, it’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Your brother probably wouldn’t want you to compare his trauma to yours, to the detriment of your mental heath, honestly. Most of us who have combat-related PTSD don’t want our trauma to be “more” than yours. We don’t want to see PTSD diagnoses, and the care and responses needed, to be confined to the military community, as though the suffering and trauma of civilians is somehow…lesser.
And seeing body after body after body is traumatic. Losing part of your life in the fog of streetlights and the peculiar violence of the night is traumatic.
The half-heard screams that jerk you up out of twilight sleep, the nightmares, the wanting to bunker in, the wanting to avoid public places, all pretty good indications that you’ve got some traumatic shit to deal with.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re trying therapy again. It sucks rocks through bendy straws but it does help.