4 Pillars to Generate Unconditional Happiness in the Moment!

10 min readNov 28, 2019

Most people think that happiness is possible only on the happening of certain events and not before.

You must have heard statements like the ones below from others, and you might have found yourself thinking these thoughts:

· I’ll be happy when I possess a big house.
· I’ll be happy when I drive a luxury car.
· I’ll be happy when I find a perfect life partner
· I’ll be happy when I have a million dollars in my bank account.
· I’ll be happy when I get my hands on the latest version of the iPhone.

What’s common in all the above statements?

In all such cases, we defer our happiness to the happening of some event or certain material possession.

We mistakenly think that once this or that thing happens, we won’t have any further desire. Standing here and looking at the future, we think that we will be totally satisfied once we reach there. This is one of the most common reasons why most people are unhappy today.

But we fail to realize that when we achieve our so-called happiness destination, then we start to see a further destination of happiness.

It’s like a mirage.

Once you reach a certain point, you start to look at something more.

Here is the problem with this approach: it’s definitely wonderful to think big and go after big goals. There is nothing wrong with that.

But when we tie our happiness with the happening of those events, we put ourselves into a vicious circle because we set conditions for our happiness.

The best scenario to have is (a) getting excited and thriving to achieve the goal, but at the same time, (b) we need to be joyful in the journey.

Let’s understand our life using the metaphor of driving a car. When you go on a long journey, you very well know that you have to keep driving the car to reach there.

Now, while driving the car, it’s your choice to either keep complaining about the duration of the trip, the quality of roads, or other external circumstances. Or, you can simply focus on driving with a smile on your face, with a belief in your driving abilities, and a faith that you’ll reach your destination if you keep driving.

Life is like a journey.

The only difference is that the journey of life is for years (not hours).

Also, in a driving journey, you always have full confidence in your driving abilities and almost a level of certainty that you’ll reach there, despite knowing that many people who leave their homes with a sense of certainty of returning home lose their lives in road accidents. But that doesn’t stop you from driving, nor does that make you stressed or anxious about the journey.

But we don’t take our lives like driving our car. In the journey of life, instead of enjoying the moments of travel and handling the struggle with a smile on your face, we keep worrying all the time about something wrong happening on the way or just ruminating about the wrong actions that we took in the past.

Also, we keep on doubting our abilities, and we don’t maintain faith in life.

We think that only when we reach our self-created destination (be it a big house or a big car or a particular amount of money), we will become happier.

But we don’t realize that at that point in time, there will be another set of problems coming in our way, which we can’t foresee as of now.

So, what should we do? I believe that our objective should be attaining the level of happiness that’s unconditional.

“I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.”
~Martha Washington

Unconditional happiness is something that should be our ultimate goal because then you can control it on your own.

You can be happy right here and now.

You don’t need any big material possessions or other people or any other conditions to become happy. You can just become happier in the present moment.

Being happy in no manner means no being sincere or serious about your goals; being happy increases your chances of achieving your goals.

Here are the four pillars that can make your happiness unconditional:

1. Belief in Yourself and Your Abilities

Let’s start with ABC Model from Martin Seligman.

It means how beliefs (B) about adversity (A) — and not the adversity itself — cause the consequent (C)feelings.

In other words, emotions don’t follow inexorably from external events, but from what you think about those events, and you can actually change what you think.

Whatever emotions of stress and anxiety we feel, it’s due to our belief about how the situation will become adverse, instead of actual adversity.

Therefore, we need to work on improving the quality of our beliefs. Belief is not merely a vital part of any major accomplishment; rather, belief is EVERYTHING before you take even the first step in any direction.

You will not commit to any action until you have a strong belief in your mind that it’s possible for you.

Take any example in your life. Until you believed in the possibility of any goal for you, you didn’t take any action. This belief generates a deeper knowing that the goal is possible for you — it generates a sense of certainty of outcome in your mind.

Therefore, you need to develop a strong belief in yourself and your abilities. You can develop any belief by consistently thinking about it and not listening to any naysayers.

“Just believe in yourself. Even if you don’t, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.”
~ Venus Williams

If you know what you want to achieve as your goal, and you have belief in yourself and your ability to achieve that goal, it’s only a matter of time that you’ll achieve what you want.

Therefore, a strong belief in yourself sets the solid foundation for inviting happiness that’s not dependent upon happening of any events.

2. Develop a Growth Mindset

Another important factor that goes hand in hand with building that strong belief is developing a growth mindset. Carol Dweck, a researcher and psychologist, defines two types of mindsets:

- Fixed mindset

- Growth mindset

Let’s understand what they are and how to develop a growth mindset.

In a fixed mindset-

People believe that their intelligence or other mental abilities are fixed traits and, therefore, cannot change. These people strongly believe that their intelligence and talents are already carved in stone, rather than working to develop and improve them. They also believe that talent alone leads to success, and that significant effort is thus not required.

A fixed-mindset person thinks that if something is difficult and he/she is required to put some effort into it, he/she does not have that talent or capability. Having to put effort into something means it’s already a failure.

Alternatively, in a growth mindset-

People have an underlying belief that their learning and intelligence can grow with time and experience. When people with such a mindset believe they can get smarter, they realize that their effort has an effect on their success, so they put in extra time, leading to higher achievement.

The good news is anyone can develop a growth mindset, thanks to the power of neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is the ability of your brain to reorganize itself, both physically and functionally, throughout your life due to changes in your environment, behavior, thinking, and emotions.

Science has shown that neuroplastic changes happen in our entire lives, regardless of age or any other factor.

Radical improvements in cognitive function — how we learn, think, perceive, and remember — are possible, even in the elderly. Your brain makes physical changes based on the repetitive things you do and the experiences that you have.

If you want to develop a growth mindset, the easiest solution is to associate with the right kind of people, go to resourceful events, and expose your mind to new things on a consistent basis.

The growth mindset will further bolster your belief that you can learn anything towards your journey to achieving your goals.

Also, you will consider failure as a stepping-stone to success.

The combination of strong belief about yourself and having a growth mindset makes you immune to any kind of negative thinking. You just focus on what matters, and this puts you into a state of flow.

3. Unwavering Faith or Certainty of Outcome

What is faith?

The dictionary meaning of Faith is “a firm belief in something for which there is no proof” or “something that is believed especially with strong conviction.”

The world’s top-most strategic coach, Tony Robbins, puts it differently, as the “certainty of outcome” in your mind at the stage you start working towards your goals.

He states that our success in any venture we get into entirely depends on the level of certainty of outcome in our minds because only our thinking about the certainty of the outcome will trigger us to produce the quality of actions needed to get the results.

“Faith is taking the first step, even if you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

With a strong belief in our abilities and a growth mindset, additionally, we need to develop a deeper sense of complete faith in the goodness of whatever happens in our life.

Of course, it doesn’t mean that when you have faith or believe strongly in the certainty of the outcome you expect, you’ll always achieve what you desire.

There are many uncontrollable factors that play a significant role, so despite your best efforts, you won’t get the results as desired.

But failures won’t steal your happiness because you are already equipped with a growth mindset. Failure gives you the required experience and prompts you to develop the skill set necessary to handle the situation better.

Having faith means that even if things don’t go the way you desired, you believe in the bigger scheme of things — you believe in the unfolding of life towards a greater good for you. When you have faith, you strongly believe that things don’t happen to you; they happen for you.

“Remember that sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~ Dalai Lama

4. Consistent Action

With all the above three weapons in our armory, we can’t stop taking consistent action towards what we desire.

You know that you can’t control your genes or circumstances, but you can control your actions.

You also realize that as you don’t have full control over everything, so you are mindful that your happiness shouldn’t depend on the outcome.

Your happiness comes from taking action and getting immersed in the activities rather than overthinking about the past or future.

When you take consistent and massive action, you invite flow in your work, and your happiness is created by your immersion into the activities.

So instead of waiting for some outcome to happen to make you happier, you immediately experience happiness in the work you do.

And I’d say it’s a win-win proposition.

Because if you are joyful and get into flow in whatever you do, there are great chances that the quality of your work will be multiple times better than when you are stressed.

The combination of these four elements leaves no room for stress in the present moment, as you don’t stop taking action because you have a growth mindset, so you are ready to learn and grow. You believe in yourself and have faith in the unfolding of the events.

In the end, the objective of life is to strive for our goals, because growth is the need of our spirit, but at the same time, we need to ensure that we don’t tie our momentary happiness on the achievement of those goals.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said,

“Do not stop thinking of life as an adventure.”

Finally, if you think life as an adventure, you’ll enjoy all the challenges coming in the way. Instead of avoiding, you’ll move forward to seek those challenges.

(Above is an excerpt from my book BUILD A HAPPIER BRAIN)

If you want to learn the psychology and neuroscience of happiness; If you are interested in knowing and implementing quick habits to bring happiness in personal/work life and relationship; and If you are sincere about inviting unconditional happiness, You’d definitely love my book BUILD A HAPPIER BRAIN.