I have to say, I’m used to getting alot of feminist bs in my inbox since I subscribed to Media Digest.
But, when I saw the title “Men Dump Their Anger Into Women”, it resonated with me and instead of habitually deleting the notice I decided to click on it and have a read.
In many ways I agree with you, in others, I think you’ve put too much emphasis on men versus women. Because I think it takes two to build a bad relationship or a bad traumatic experience. For example, protecting someones feelings is all well and good but sometimes it’s inappropriate to lie. Sexual situations is one of those times when lying or ommission or even just subtlety is the worst possible strategy. If someone smacks you on the ass you go to the bouncer and ask them to throw the man who did it out, and any of his friends too, so they know who to blame instead of taking it out on you.
If your friend comes onto you, don’t let him down gently, that’s a fucking myth, don’t be intentionally mean either, that’s not a myth, but there is no possible way to reject someone cleanly, just rip it off fast like a particularly stubborn hair filled bandaid, if they end the friendship over it then they weren’t really your friend, you’ll feel awful and guilty, and mortified you’ll curl up on the couch and eat ice cream and generally act like you were the one who got rejected. But by the end of the week you’ll be fine and provided the friendship is still intact you can go to the movies, secure in the knowledge that he won’t misinterpret this as a date.
If you’re friend just got off from a relationship, try to set him up with every girl whose not someone you either care for or actually hate that you see. You place yourself in the center of the fucking friendzone and attack from it like a fucking shark girl. Dump that emotional light weight on some chick with a vespa and get the fuck outta there. Your his friend not his therapist, friends sometimes double as therapists, but not all the fucking time.
A friend whose in town with a flat tire and needs a lift at 3 am is understandable. A friend whose just broken up with their girl friend and rings you at 3 am is not. A friend who wants to catch up is okay, a friend who considers everyday catch up worthy is not. You set those ground rules, you act like the best friend ever within the boundaries of your friendship, you occassionally go outside them, when your friend REALLY needs it, but you make every effort not to turn that into an expectation or a habit.
At the end of the day, the only person you have any control over is yourself and if you can learn where the line exists between being a good person and a good friend and being a doormat. You’ll have an easier time, telling the good people from the leeches. Ask, tell and occassionally when appropriate demand, don’t hint, expect,hide or omit and only under the right circumstances relent or concede.