How to play Cricket

Call your girlfriend and tell her you won’t be able to meet her this evening.

Leave office early, go to your flat and switch on geyser as you want to take a nice hot bath. Think about how much you loved playing cricket in your childhood. Think about all the hot afternoons you spent playing in the field with your friends. Think about how much you loved your friends. Think about your best friend. Think about how much lucky you consider yourself to be still hanging out with him.

Check if water is heated enough. Take off your clothes. Remember the shirt you wore was gifted by your girlfriend. Remember that she would be furious if you don’t take good care of it. So decide to wash that shirt instead of wearing it again tomorrow. Put that shirt in the laundry bin, not on the bed. Remind yourself your girlfriend doesn’t like it when your room is untidy. Give a mental note to yourself to do laundry when you’re back.

Get into the shower. Feel the warmth of water flowing on your body. Think that having a shower after tiring work is an amazing feeling. Think how much you like heat, than cold. Check your biceps and your chest. Consider that you need start working out. Check how fair you are and how tan your arms are. Think about how much it is because of all those cricket matches in the summer vacation. Remember that you always played with your best friend since you can remember.

Wear cotton clothes. Keep a spare set of clothes in your cricket kit. Check if you have everything required in your kit. Take out your bat and check its condition. Try to imitate the famous helicopter shot with an imaginary ball. Laugh at inner child in you. Look at the sharp edges of the bat and observe the nice finish. Run your fingers on the grip, grasp the grip and check how good the balance of the bat is for you. Hold the grip tight and imitate another shot you always liked.

Call your best friend and tell him you want to go for a match. When he says he cannot come, curse him in friendly way and tell him you’ll come to his apartment to pick him up. Tell him you miss him and want to catch up with him. Tell him to leave office immediately. Just grab the spare key you have of his apartment, just in case you had to wait.

Go inside your friend’s apartment and check if he is there. Message him you’ve reached. Turn on the good stereo your friend has and put some music you like. Look around the apartment. Check the cupboards to see if you find something interesting. Look at the scarf that was folded in there. Remember you gifted your girlfriend one just like that. Remember how much you love your girlfriend. Remember that you’re planning to propose to her. Hear the steps in the hallway. Close the cupboard and open the door to let your friend in.

Tell him to get ready. When he asks you why you called out of the blue, tell him you have something important to discuss with him. Take out the ball and bat from bag you brought. Throw him the ball in a way he misses the catch. Hold the bat firmly with both the hands. When he bends to pick up the ball, strike him hard on his face. Make sure its a strong hit to knock him down. See that he is still conscious. Hit him hard again at his ear. See that he is unconscious now. Keep hitting him on his face until its deformed. Increase music volume if required. Hit him until you see blood all over the floor. Hit him until you see his skull broke open. Hit him all over his body so that no joint is intact. Hit him until you no longer recognize him as a person but a filth of meat and blood. Stop hitting and take a break. Now hit him some more.

Now open the bag you brought, take out the equipment, cut him into many pieces and stuff into plastic bags. Clean the apartment. Clean your cricket kit. Change your clothes. Find his mobile and read his Whatsapp messages with your girlfriend. See that your girlfriend made plans to go out with him this evening as you told her you are out. Frown that you don’t have a chance to kill him again for what he did to you.

Call your girlfriend and ask her to come to your apartment. Tell her you have a surprise for her, a good one. Tell her you have been waiting for this moment for a long time and that you love her a lot. Get some extra plastic bags on the way back.

Wait for her at your apartment. Play music on your stereo. Put that romantic song that you danced with your girlfriend several times. Remember that it was her all time favorite song. When she arrives, open the door and invite her in. Ask her how her day was. Tell her that you love her. Tell her you never thought loving someone this much is possible. Tell her how lucky you are to have her. Tell her you were waiting for this moment for a long time. Turn up the volume on stereo. Throw her the ball and ask her to catch. Make sure she misses. Of course she misses. Ask her to pick it up. Put all of your strength on your wrists and concentrate on her skull. Hold the bat firm and strike.

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