What’s stopping you from finding the right career
“Why can’t I seem to find the right career for me?”
Have you ever uttered these words?
If so, you’re not alone. Gallup reports that, year after year, ~70% of American employees are actively disengaged in their work…and that feeling sucks.
So it makes sense you’d be looking everywhere to figure out where that “right fit” career is hiding.
But I have news for you: if you’re wondering where the “right” job for you is, you’re asking yourself the wrong question.
I’m a career coach who helps people pave new career paths that feel like they fit who they are. And of the hundreds of people I’ve worked with, I’ve seen some unusual trends among high performers.
One of those trends is that the most badass among us seem to universally struggle with perfectionism.
It makes sense that ambitious, smart and analytical folks who are succeeding in the workplace might have a hint of perfectionism.
A working definition of perfectionism, pieced together on Wikipedia from studies done by the fathers of perfectionism research, Gordon Flett of York University and Paul Hewitt of the University of British Columbia, is:
“… a personality trait characterized by a person’s striving for flawlessness and setting high performance standards, accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.”
Perfectionism often shows up as an obsession with using those performance standards to find the exact singular “best” or “perfect” career, job, or company.
If you clicked on this article, you might be a closet perfectionist yourself. A “closet perfectionist” is the person who reads the above and says: “obviously I’m not a perfectionist because I’ve never been perfect at anything in my life,” or maybe, “I don’t think I’m a perfectionist, I just have really high expectations.”
I think about it like Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck” skit. Consider these examples:
- If you have ever uttered the words: “I’m just looking for the RIGHT job” (or RIGHT partner or RIGHT apartment) or find yourself using very black and white, all-or-nothing thinking…you might be a closet perfectionist
- If you’ve ever procrastinated starting a project because you put a huge amount of pressure on yourself to make it meet your insanely high standards or because of fear of failure…you might be a closet perfectionist
- If you are awesome at editing other people’s work and have a gift for seeing problems and holes in everything around you…you might be a closet perfectionist
- If you don’t let yourself try a new class or pick up a new hobby unless you see a clear ROI…you might be a closet perfectionist
How perfectionism might secretly sabotage you
If you’ve got a perfectionistic streak, you already know that it causes issues in our lives because it’s creating a conflicting belief war inside us: one part of us that knows, intuitively, that perfection is unattainable and inhuman…and an equally strong force that believes we won’t receive love, acceptance, approval, if we are anything less than perfection. (And with perfectionists, it’s often unclear whether the fear is that they won’t receive external love and validation, or if we’ve internalized this belief to the point we withhold love and acceptance from ourselves more than any external person could. In this video, it’s even claimed that every negative inner voice was first heard as an external voice from someone viewed as an authority figure, and then internalized as our own.)
I call these kinds of conflicting beliefs the “Chinese finger traps of the mind” because the more strongly you try to pull yourself to believe one of these thoughts, the more entrenched the other belief tends to become.
The belief that causes the fear of being “found out” as imperfect can be a defense mechanism that causes huge hurdles for career changers:
- Lack of being vulnerable about what you truly want from your job or employer, for fear of your deepest truth being rejected or not in alignment with society. You’re finding that you’ve worked your way into “someone else’s dream job,” complete with all the sexy bells and whistles…but it doesn’t feel like you.
- Paralysis around trying new things that you might “fail” or not be instantly perfect at. Sometimes this looks like you convincing yourself you don’t actually want something you secretly crave, because the fear of trying it and not immediately succeeding is too great.
- Resistance to admitting mistakes or errors and taking full responsibility (funnily enough, some perfectionists take too much blame and responsibility for everything, thinking that “outing” themselves as imperfect protects them from anyone else finding fault. This tends to backfire and make the perfectionist look weaker to their leadership and can often inspire colleagues to steamroll them and abuse their self-critical nature for their own gain.)
- Excuse-making around why you haven’t started looking for a new job yet. (It can be convenient to justify procrastination! “I just haven’t found any jobs that interest me yet. I haven’t seen anything that’s right for me.”)
- Paradoxical confidence complex: thinking you are both better than others (because of those affirmed identity traits of being “good” or “smart” or whatever), while also thinking you are also defective and worthless. So applying for jobs or interviewing can be a huge challenge trying to balance both of these competing beliefs.
(See more on defense mechanisms in our careers here.)
Perfectionism: your secret superpower…?
Yet, believe it or not, there are a ton of reasons that perfectionistic ways of thinking are adaptive and helpful, when used carefully.
In an ancient form of personality typing that traces back to the era of Plato called the Enneagram, there were nine documented distinct “flavors” of human personalities. I believe it is no coincidence that the very first personality type they outlined is called the “One,” the Reformer or Perfectionist.
The Enneagram Institute offers this particularly rosy and inspiring way to think about being a One:
“Ones are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.”
“Ones have a “sense of mission” that leads them to want to improve the world in various ways, using whatever degree of influence they have. They strive to overcome adversity — particularly moral adversity — so that the human spirit can shine through and make a difference. They strive after “higher values,” even at the cost of great personal sacrifice.
History is full of Ones who have left comfortable lives to do something extraordinary because they felt that something higher was calling them. In India, Gandhi left behind his wife and family and life as a successful lawyer to become an itinerant advocate of Indian independence and non-violent social changes. Joan of Arc left her village in France to restore the throne to the Dauphin and to expel the English from the country. The idealism of each of these Ones has inspired millions.
Ones are people of practical action — they wish to be useful in the best sense of the word. On some level of consciousness, they feel that they “have a mission” to fulfill in life, if only to try their best to reduce the disorder they see in their environment.”
Rather badass, right?
These high standards and big vision parts can be incredibly helpful and productive if they can be untethered from their impossible perfectionistic roots.
So instead of asking yourself the closed-ended question of what’s the “right” career for you, evolve your inner monologue to ask yourself more empowering, Growth-oriented open-ended questions like: “What careers might give me more room for learning and advancement? What work would be more fun for me? What are the many different ways in which I could get more of the things I’m craving?” (Check out this podcast episode for more empowering question examples.)
With new questions like these, you can claim and own the upsides of perfectionism — a sharp eye for editing and improvement, a bigger picture vision for how amazing something can be, and a sense of constant iteration — as your superpowers in how you approach and answer them.
Make a mindset switch
I wouldn’t be a very good coach if I didn’t throw down a challenge to start transforming your perfectionism and changing your life today.
So, first, pay attention to moments in your day where you start seeking the “right,” “best,” or “perfect” thing for yourself…where you’ve created a mental trap with only one right answer where everything else is wrong.
Then, ask yourself: what am I afraid of if I don’t get to the “right” outcome?
Listen to what comes up with compassion, love, and empathy, and respond to those inner fears. Remind yourself that “I don’t have to know all the answers to get started,” “If I never try, I’ll never know,” “I’m not a failure, I’m learning,” and “Maybe I’m not lost. Maybe this is part of the journey.”
Finally: brainstorm (and begin!) a small, risk-managed action you could take to dip your pinky toe into exploring this new terrain. Let your Perfectionism be an important and influential part of you without letting it BE you.
And remember: progress trumps perfection any day.
From one recovering perfectionist to another, I’m rooting for you. Let me know how it’s going!
— — — —
Lisa Lewis is a career change coach who helps unfulfilled individuals create lucrative, soulful, and joyful new career paths. Don’t love your job? We should talk. Learn more at GetCareerClarity.com or check out The Career Clarity Show podcast on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play.— — — —
To read more about Perfectionism and its impacts in your career and life, here are additional studies, articles, and resources to learn more about this part of yourself — and how you can use it to your advantage:
https://www.16personalities.com/articles/two-kinds-of-perfectionism-and-how-they-might-affect-you
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/The_perils_of_perfectionism
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1002/ab.20183
https://open.library.ubc.ca/cIRcle/collections/ubctheses/24/items/1.0300653
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886916300162
