Dear Racist White People,
Procter & Gamble just released an ad called “The Talk.” The ad really speaks for itself, so just go and watch it right now, I’ll wait.
Okay — so now, you’re probably really angry. “This ad is racist against white people,” you might say. Or maybe, “If we made an ad about how all black people are dangerous just like you make it seem like all police officers are dangerous, we’d be called racist.” Then there’s, “Procter and Gamble just lost me as a consumer.” Well, let me tell you White Supremacist Amerikkka, they’re a multi-billion dollar company, with a presence all over the world. While, I don’t know if P&G benefits from corporate welfare, you can be damned sure that the conservatives you love and the ne0-liberal Democrats you love to hate, are also the ones that spurred on globalization, automation, and horizontal monopolies. So you wanna boycott Procter and Gamble. Do it.
But… before you decide to take that final leap into consumer activism… Just a couple of things to consider.
You won’t be able to use Tide to clean your KKK robes anymore.
You sure won’t be able to clean up Donald Flump’s mess with Mr. Clean.
When your TIKI torches burn out— don’t go reaching for your Duracell powered flashlights.
You can’t use Febreze to cover the stank of your racist bigotry either.
When you shit yourselves, because you realize America isn’t going to let you take us backwards? Nope, no Pampers either.
Blood on your hands? Don’t reach for the Ivory soap.
No dental insurance because of Flumpcare? At least you’ve got toothpaste… oh wait.
It’s fine? You’ll just cover your dirty, stinky self with some Old Spice? Think again.
You won’t be able to pretend that you’re part of the Aryan race anymore either. We all know you’re not a real blonde.
Is this giving you indigestion? I hope it is, but don’t reach for the Pepto. It can relieve nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, but not your white fragility.
You’re probably crying right now thinking about how hard it’ll be to boycott P&G, here are some tissues for those white tears.
Just kidding, you won’t be able to use those either. That Nazi flag is white tear absorbent, right?
Here’s the whole list Procter and Gamble’s products, in case you need them. There are literally hundreds more.