Rediscovering myself in motherhood
My son is now 5 months old. I am still a very new mother. But, sometimes, when i look back to what i used to be before him and what i have become now, i can draw a fierce contrast.
Before i found love in my life, i was a very ambitious. I was very career oriented and had set goals for my life. I achieved them all before i finally settled into a married life. I believe that
marriage always puts a comma, if not a full stop, to your life.
And so, i settled when i was ready. And then i wanted to give my 100% to my household, just like how i gave 100% to my ambitions earlier. My husband, my house, the daily routine, cooking, family outings..this was my life. And i was as content as i could be.
Even until the last minute of my labour, those were my only concerns.
And then came my son.
Within minutes, my priorities changed. Rather, my life changed.
Now, i hardly cook a proper meal in a day.
Now, i hardly spend 10mins alone with my husband.
Now, i have 1 meal in a day and still don’t feel hungry.
Now, my house is a chaos most of the times. My ward robes are far from being organised. I wear the first thing that i can find.
And despite all this, i have no regrets. None at all.
Initially, when my son was just weeks old, he did not respond to me in any way (obviously he was too young). The only satisfaction i had was his sound sleep after feeding. I used to feel very lonely.
But now, he shows as much love as i can ever ask for. Even when given a chance, i would rather be with him than with my husband. Or do anything else.
He doesnt care if i give him new things to eat or not… if i am preparing a big meal or not…if i give him a massage before bath or not… he only want to be held and played with. He only wants his mom in his sight. He only wants her touch.
It doesnt matter whether there is food on the table or not. What matters is whether i am in sight or not. Such pure innocent selfless love.
He reminds me that its ME who is important. Not what i am able to do or not do for him.
And this has helped me to come out of the “settled” mode. This has made me stop worrying about “home” too much.
Now i am looking into boosting my career again.
Now i am looking at myself again.