A battle of passion and reality

What would you choose if you are given a choice to pick one that defines you? There’s no easy pick as our needs and wants if sometimes can’t see eye to eye they go hand in hand oftentimes without one liking and appreciating the other.

Growing up I would often find myself dwelling on two very important thoughts- if I am born to do a regular 9–5 corporate job or if I am born to do something creative. As long as I remember and from the time I came into being I always wanted and desired a creative life for myself where I am constantly hopping on from one creative thought to another, where my mind is not dictated and asked to follow a decree and believe me that’s how I have always been — A creative one but you know life has other plans for you and one day it drives you right out of your cloud-cuckoo-land and throws you on the ground and says- “hey you daydreamer it’s me LIFE ;time to leave for work”. And you say this to yourself- ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER DIME. And go about doing what you have been told and trained to do like a robot- whose only job is to follow procedures. Nothing much no questions asked; only answers given.

I wasn’t a sharp kid in school rather an average one, none of my subjects were my favorites if I hated maths; science equally bored me to death but yes social sciences and English were something I really enjoyed studying. Experiments, equations, theorems etc etc never enthralled me; I was more of a person interested in history, literature and arts. And As much as I wanted to top my class in these loved subjects I also never wanted to top my class because I didn’t want to study too hard and it felt like a waste of my precious time; time that I sometimes enjoyed wasting and sometimes by doing something creative and also my inclinations were always towards something else; Something like creative writing, easy writing, dramatics, culinary and anything where there was not just an involvement of mind but an involvement of both mind and heart because if academics is just about mind ; creativity is about both mind and heart; one is incomplete without another. However as I grew older and came face to face with my reality and by reality I mean Parents (yes they give you reality Check from time to time) who downright rejected all my creative ambition and like any worried parents (parents may not always be right and worry too much but they would never want their kid to earn less than the other kids they know) asked me to do what all the other kids in the block were doing- work in a corporate firm. Since I come from an army family where both my folks believed and subsumed that discipline and rules were important not just in personal life but professional life too so there was really no arguing back on the decree that was passed for me.

Hence it’s been a little more than 5 years of working in an MNC and believe me when I say that every day was a struggle and a battle between my mind and a heart. Everyday felt like a world on my shoulders where I strived and fought through every moment right from getting up in wee hours for work to convince myself that my work is no less than others but frankly what work? I was doing the same thing what others were. Same swipe in and swipe out (day in day out) and one day I decided to swipe out for good. The reason I am writing this today isn’t because I have come. from dislike to hate corporate world but because I don’t miss it at all. And I can attest my feelings as I today happened to visit a tech park far off the city and soon as I entered it was like a blast from the past; past of me working in one of these same environments; which took me down a memory lane of my previous company in a different tech park- not even a speck of difference; same gray, black and light blue tinted windows, spick and span roads, pavements, gardens, trees not a leaf here and a leaf there, facades of big and tall buildings; buildings touching sky, cabs and people passing by. As my eyes wandered all over the place and I looked up and thought over and over of what people behind those big windows might be thinking or doing; are they happy and content doing what they are doing; do they also feel stuck like I felt; do they also want to follow their passion and I can’t tell you how sad I felt inside that it left a little knot in my stomach because I realized sometimes you have to put your dreams on the back burner and go about doing what life asks you to while I am fully aware of an unemployment rate in this country and struggle of our youth to get one decent job I also know what I hate doing so much could be a bread and butter of someone who would take my job with both hands happily for pay less than his/her household budget. So here I am telling everyone courage sometimes isn’t only about how you choose to follow your dreams and passion it’s also about how you choose and decide to stay in the same rut and bite the bullet because courage is what you define and then it defines you as a person and I also feel life may not be bed of roses or full of colors all along the journey but it’s futile to pick thorns every time confusing it with happiness which is just fleeting. Being philosophical isn’t a very fancy thought especially when your pockets are empty and there’s no right or wrong decree and discipline as to how one should live his/her life because one person’s right could be another person’s wrong. While I ponder a little more in my days to come and leave this thought in a cliffhanger; I want to state my belief- You’re never too old to follow your heart and let mind take a backseat for a while.