A man’s response to “I hate Men”

Pauline Harmange, a 25-year-old, bisexual French blogger, wades into the gender wars by writing a book entitled I Hate Men and has sparked a fierce debate not only about the differences between the sexes but also about freedom of speech. In September of 2020 Ralph Zurmély, a special adviser to the French ministry for gender equality, wrote to the publisher demanding a retraction of the essay, threatening criminal prosecution for “incitement to hatred on the grounds of gender.”

I feel compelled to write an honest reply to what I see as some basic issues on how men behave and the motivations behind our behavior that need to be addressed. We are not bad or evil and there is no cause for hate. I have to be honest and say some things that wont be considered politically correct. But there are some things that must be said from an honest man to a lot of American women. My goal is to be completely honest so we can make some progress in this country.

Are you alone? Not in a relationship? No kids and no idea if or when you will have children? If you are lonely, want children but have no idea how or when it will happen, you are not alone. The United States isn’t fertile enough to sustain itself with out immigrants.

Marriage rates are at an all time low. The marriage rate has dropped to an all time low with less than 6 couples out of 1,000 getting married.

Whats going on? Why are we no longer getting married and having children in the United States ? What has changed? Why is there a steady decline? What is the reason we have so many women who want children but aren’t having them any more?

I have five honest reasons why you are not in a loving relationship, and in serious danger of dying a lonely old spinster.

Reason Number 1: Health

Let us take a look at our health. Forty percent of the United States is now considered obese. America’s overweight and obesity problem is undisputed but people are still not losing any weight. In fact, they are only getting heavier and heavier. Health experts often use the word “epidemic” because as of 2016, the latest year for which official data is available, almost 40% of adults in the United States were obese. This is almost double the figure for the 1988–1994 period, when just over 22% of adults were obese.

Being obese is not the only problem; being overweight is even more rampant, with about 71% of adults having either condition. This is up from 65% at the turn of the century.

The average woman today weighs 166 pounds, that is more than the average man weighed in the 1960s.

The good news is its a pretty easy fix once you know what the problem is. Take a look at the changes in the American Diet and the culprit is easy to spot. Its sugar. Read the labels in your food and avoid sugar. Watch the Dr Oz video below to get a clue. Click the link when you get a chance its a must watch!

SUGAR equals FAT

A few years ago I was eating salad, and I loved to eat it with balsamic vinaigrette. After I realized that the problem was sugar I checked the sugar content. Each serving size of two tables spoons of my favorite balsamic vinaigrette contained 12 grams of sugar.

4 grams of sugar equals one teaspoon.

I had to do some quick math to figure out what I was getting on my salad. A teaspoon of sugar is about 4 grams. That meant that each squirt of balsamic vinaigrette had about 3 teaspoons of sugar. I figure I was getting about 12 teaspoons of sugar a night on my salad. Wow. I feel like asking myself “would you like some salad with all that sugar?” A salad is supposed to be healthy. Check your salad dressing, sugar is everywhere.

Your body utilizes sugar first, the carbohydrates, then fat and then protein. If you eat sugar your body wont bother with the rest. Not all calories are equal your body goes for the easy stuff and if there is an excess of sugar it gets stored as glycogen, also known as fat.

Food that I thought was healthy was actually horrible for losing weight. It was making me fat. Here is the list of the top offenders: Cereal, Granola, Yogurt, Fruit juices (Orange Juice, Apple Juice, Grape Juice… etc), and Fruit Smoothies.

When I stopped eating sugar, and I mean I eliminated buying anything with more than 1 gram of sugar I dropped about 4 pounds a week until I hit my ideal body weight. Life isn’t fair. Men lose weight easier than women, but you can do it if you stop eating sugar. Sadly lactose is also sugar, that means no dairy. Fructose is also sugar, its in fruit. Corn syrup is just as bad. So limit fruit and corn products as well.

If 71% of adults are overweight then there is a really good chance you as a woman are overweight and a 40% chance you are obese. I’m just gonna say it, I don’t find you attractive. I’m not alone, men are visual maybe even somewhat shallow. When we are ready to find a girl friend we look at a woman and we mentally undress her to see what she would look like naked. If you are overweight it is a no go.

FAT equals UGLY

I told you I’d be honest and say things not politically correct. If you want to find a potential mate and have kids you best start exercising and watch what you eat. I don’t find overweight women attractive. I talk to my friends, its universal. There are a very few exceptions, and it is just the rare guy that gets turned on by fat women. I think it falls into the fetish category.

You might think it is a good reason to hate men if you’re fat because we are all shallow. Our attraction to each other, men and women, at the end of the day is about propagating the species through procreation. Men find young fertile women in good health attractive. We instinctively cover the biological aspects of mating.

Women cover the survival traits of a mate for making sure their offspring will survive. They look for intelligence, strength, capability the ability of a man to provide for the family, his family his status and power and his future prospects. Obviously the woman is looking at a much bigger picture, and goes much deeper than physical attraction.

Yes women are more sophisticated than men when it comes to selecting a mate. But, it is not a cause for hate if, as a woman, you are not found attractive because of your poor health. You should take care of your health. If you are overweight, join weight watchers, avoid sugar and start exercising. Don’t hate men because we don’t typically date women who are overweight or obese.

Reason Number 2: Marriage Sucks for Men

Marriage is a legal contract. As a household everyone loses money on taxes. The deductions are better as a family if you don’t get married. An engagement ring is not cheap, weddings are expensive. A wedding is a lot of work and stress. Still marriage in and of itself is not bad. Whats really bad is if and when the marriage sours.

As bad as marriage is divorce is worse. Many states have alimony laws, women almost always get the kids, the house and child support. Toss in alimony and you pay for that marriage for the rest of your life. Half of your retirement also goes to your wife.

A good part of the reason for Robin William’s depression and suicide was probably the 30 million dollars a year he had to pay in Alimony.

Men read this and we get cold feet. I’m divorced and I can safely say I am never getting married again. Men talk to each other about marriage, divorce and alimony when women aren’t around. We know what is going on and marriage is a potentially horrible thing if the marriage, for any reason, does not work out. The divorce rate is 50% so there is a 50% chance we will lose everything we have.

We wont tell you we wont marry you, but sooner or later (probably years later) you will figure it out. If you’ve been waiting for your boy friend to pop the question and he never does, its not time to move on. It is time to dig deep and come up with a really good prenuptial that protects him financially or just abandon the idea of marriage all together.

Why should a guy get married when the deck is stacked against him? You think you can dump this guy and the next guy wont drag his feet? Think again, marriage sucks for men. We don’t like it because it spells certain financial ruin if anything goes wrong between the day we get married and the day we die.

Put the shoe on the other foot. If the man divorced you, he got the house, the kids and you had to pay child support and pay him alimony, and he got half your retirement, would you want to get married? Oh yeah and you have to buy him a diamond ring.

How does that sound? Why should he want that if you don’t? Don’t hate men because they don’t want to get married.

Reason Number 3: What can you offer “the total package” when you meet him?

Women are always looking for the “total package.” You know what I mean. He is attractive, funny, smart, well educated, rich or makes a lot of money, he is well connected socially he loves kids and he loves you. Thats the total package.

Men just look at the woman. The woman looks at everything about the guy, his family, his car, his house, his future. Women are smarter about it, and they have to be. It’s all about seeing what kind of future they will have with this guy, and what kind of provider he will be for the children.

I have been told on occasion by some women that they did indeed consider me to be their version of the total package. I am tall, attractive, funny, well educated, I earn more than 95% of Americans, I own my own home and I have over a million in savings. I work in sales and I am great at reading facial expressions. I can almost read peoples minds. It’s a sales thing, you have to be able to read people to be successful.

I can tell a well timed relevant joke. I listen to you. I remember your name and your birthday, and if you tell me you like cream cheese bagels for breakfast I won’t forget and I will bring them to you anytime we meet for breakfast. No matter where I go in a social gathering, I get a circle of women about me.

The problem with total package is that they have their pick. You are not the only woman interested in this guy. That is 100% certain. You have some really good competition out there.

I’m not saying I’m spoiled. I’m saying I’ve been around. Part of being in sales and reading people is also being highly judgemental. I have to determine if I’ve got a deal or I am wasting my time. I do this for a living.

I give every woman I talk to a three strike rule. As we talk I silently keep track of everything she says. If she says something I don’t like, you’ll never know, but it goes in my head… strike one.

The problem with the total package is this guy has options and lots of them. When you finally meet the total package ask yourself one serious question. “What can I offer him?” I am amazed that most women never think this way. They don’t have a clue. Just because you are interested in me in no way means I will be interested in you.

When a woman is interested in me, she starts telling me how to please her. Its a good clue that she likes me when she tells me her favorite food or drink, her favorite restaurant or movie. It goes in my files, and I don’t forget. But I am waiting for something I seldom get. Most women never ask how to please me.

I’m often waiting but for her to ask me “What is your favorite…?” comes in about maybe at most 20% of the time. The women who do ask that question get added to the my short list of women to follow up with, it peaks my interest. I only date women that show an interest in making me happy.

This leads me to my next point, but before we leave this section remember when you meet your “total package” ask yourself what do you have to offer him? It is the key to a lifetime of success and a happy relationship.

Don’t hate men because you cant get your “total package.”

Reason Number 4: Most American Women Don’t Know How to Please Men

Men are not hard to please. Really, it is very simple. I am amazed at how horrible most women are at making a man happy. It does help if you can cook, but it is really not necessary. What matters is that you do something (anything) for the guy. Cooking shows you did something that took effort. We appreciate that.

I like to grill. I can cook. I cook mainly meat, with a few vegetables and a salad. When a woman says “oh my god that is so good.” It like she just handed me a hundred dollars as a gift. Even at my job I will work just as hard for praise as I will for money. When a woman praises my work it makes me really love her.

The flip side is true when a woman criticizes my efforts or asks “is this gluten free, or is the meat organic?” I am not happy. Thats strike two. Here is the deal. I am pretty sure that some women try to manipulate men through criticism. I can’t put my finger on it, but every time a woman criticized my performance it felt like she was deliberately trying to get me to follow her specific agenda. I’m not interested.

I am dating a woman right now that likes organic food. No worries, because she tells me this while we are shopping, not after I cook dinner. Don’t criticize a mans work. Praise it. Then much later, offer suggestions that would make it even better.

Yes, we need to talk about sex

Men like sex and apparently a lot more than most American women. I never ever mention anything about my past love life to the woman I am dating. I never mention the things I have done with women to my friends or anyone I know. I am super quiet about all this. I will tell the stories here because I am completely anonymous and I think it is important for American women to see what the competition is like.

I have had the good fortune of being able to travel the world. I am fluent in Spanish and I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Being a total package in your own country is one thing, being a total package with exotic features and an accent in another country is something entirely different.

I was super human in Spain. I had a waitress accidentally drop her pen and pad and blush when I said hello. She dropped my food by accident when I said I was glad that she my waitress. The lady that cut my hair wanted to marry me. I had more sex in a few weeks in Spain than I did the entire time I was in college. Spanish women know how to please a man, but they are nothing compared to the hispanic women I dated from Latin America.

There is a lot of truth in the term “Latin Lover.” I am sure the same holds true for hispanic men. But let me be clear, women from Latin America matched my stamina and drive with out exception. I don’t want to turn this into anything X rated, but the Latin women went out of their way to please me in bed.

I had one particular Latin girl friend that would give me oral sex with out reciprocation for hours. I mean at least two hours where I was almost constantly on the edge of orgasm. She could read my body and would maneuver her hands and mouth in just the right way to keep me in that state for hours. She did this on a fairly regular basis when we had the time.

American women are pretty much the worst in the bedroom. I have had sex with women from China, Japan, Korea, Iran, Ukraine, Spain, England, Mexico, Honduras and the United States. All of that success was do to some serious work on my part. In every case I did the lions share of the work to get the relationship started. That is universal, the guy has to be able to read the situation, make the first move set up the date and eventually work the woman into the bedroom.

I am a master at foreplay. I perfected the skill in high school. I tried like crazy to lose my virginity in high school and often got to third base, but never had a home run. All that practice, hours or foreplay with no sex, gave me a really good understanding of foreplay.

My experience with most women in America has been that I do all of the work in the bedroom. I do all the foreplay while the American woman lays on her back or her side. I’m on top 95% of the time. Mostly missionary, some doggy style, but mostly plain vanilla. In all cases I initiate the sex. I take her hand and lead her to the bedroom. Maybe if I am lucky I will get Oral sex once a month. The real average is probably twice a year. The oral sex lasts maybe 5 minutes.

Compare that to the other women from the other countries. I have been blind folded, tickled with a feather. I have broken furniture, like tables and chairs end tables and other things that got in the way because we didn’t make it to the bed. The Japanese woman was particularly good at using various house hold items to peak my interest while I was blind folded. I couldn’t tell what the heck she was rubbing against my body. My imagination went wild while I tried to figure out what that thing was and why it felt so good.

Most of the sex I had with these women was here in the Unites States, they weren’t born here. They were either naturalized citizens or had a green card.

I don’t know what the deal is, but I have had nothing like that from American women. I don’t know if there is some sort of stigma with a woman wanting sex or wanting to explore with sex in this country, but the sex by comparison is just not anywhere near as good. Don’t get me wrong the sex is good, its always good. I just feel the sex with American women lacks the desire to please me the way women from the other countries had.

The women from these other countries were almost always in better physical shape as well. They walked more and had a better diet than we do in the United States.

All that is required to please a man is compliment his work, show some interest in his hobbies, and take some initiative in the bedroom. Initiate sex at least once a week. Give your man oral sex twice a month. Blind fold him and massage his body with something like the handle of a smooth wooden hairbrush, alternate with a feather, or the ear piece of your eye glasses. He will think you are amazing in bed.

The last thing is don’t nag. It is the opposite of pleasing a man. It is a good way to get him to leave. I ended most of my relationships because the woman wanted me to do something I did not want to do. Then she would nag me about it. No means no. If I tell you I don’t like gardening don’t nag me about the flower beds. I’d rather die than garden. I hate it. If you don’t leave me alone about it, I quickly reach the point when I am happier when you are not around. Once I reach the state where I’d rather be alone than with you, I end the relationship.

Don’t hate men because they leave you when you nag them and you never please them.

Reason Number 5: There is a lot of Hate for Men

Dislike for men is a fact, especially if you are a white man. White men grow up in America with a lot of undeserved hate and dislike. We are supposed to feel guilty for a lot of things we did not do. I am against slavery. I never owned slaves, but the fact that I am white educated man and earn a lot of money makes me a target for hate. I am in the privileged group. Should anyone accuse me of anything, or should I do anything wrong, I can expect zero sympathy and the maximum punishment.

Men in general are under attack, not just white men. Take a good look at the number of rape allegations and sexual harassment lawsuits. We hear about them in the news and most of them are serious and have merit. But what we don’t her about are the ones that have no merit. I know of a lot of men that lost everything just because they were accused. In the end they were cleared, but some of them lost their jobs and families just because of the accusation.

It makes you think twice before you ask a woman out. I never ask out a woman I work with. I never hit on women I work with or work for my customers. It would be suicide. The best place for you to meet men has traditionally been work. Not anymore. We are terrified to ask you out. Good luck with that.

The deck is stacked against us from start to finish. We can’t ask you out, and we lose everything if we get married. If you are lonely and can’t figure out why, try looking at it from a man’s perspective. It sucks to be a man right now in the United States.

The feminist movement is great, power to women. The anti-men movement is horrible. There is a serious backlash against men of all colors in this country. Try to ask a woman out and you could be facing a sexual harassment lawsuit. There is a backlash from all of this man hating, and rape allegations.

More than 10% of both men and women said they thought they would be less willing than previously to hire attractive women. Twenty-two percent of men and 44% of women predicted that men would be more apt to exclude women from social interactions, such as after-work drinks; and nearly one in three men thought they would be reluctant to have a one-on-one meeting with a woman. Fifty-six percent of women said they expected that men would continue to harass but would take more precautions against getting caught, and 58% of men predicted that men in general would have greater fears of being unfairly accused.

The “I Hate Men” 80 page book

I have met women who really do hate men and believe they would be better off with out men. All I can say to these women is “congratulations, your wish is granted.” Men don’t want that kind of attitude in a relationship.

Pauline Harmange, a 25-year-old, bisexual French blogger, the call to arms has had more far-reaching consequences.

Her decision to wade into the gender wars by writing a book entitled I Hate Men has sparked a fierce debate not only about the differences between the sexes but also about freedom of speech.

I’ve linked the articles discussing the phenomenon below.

Pailine is married. She has a husband and likes him, but in general she dislikes men and thinks thats okay. I don’t think it is okay to be racist or sexist or generally dislike anyone because of their race, gender, religion or culture. Maybe it is an American thing to want to do our best to not dislike people and try to unite them. But the fact that they wanted to ban her book in France makes me think its not just an American ideal.

If you don’t like men and wonder why you are not in a relationship, I can offer some advice. Seek counseling and work through your issues. Men can be a great blessing as a husband and a father. If you can’t see this then you need help.

If you are alone and don’t know why, take a good honest look in the mirror. Lose weight, focus on your health. Forget marriage … or get a prenuptial letting the man keep his stuff. Have something to offer your “total package” when you meet him. Please your man, compliment his work, and rock his world in the bedroom. Don’t hate men.

For that matter don’t hate anyone or anything, hate only leads to destruction loss and pain. Love leads to creation joy and happiness. Put love in your heart. Drop the hate.

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