Live up to your own expectations not to someone else’s
It always gets me when I see social media posts about finished bachelor theses, master degrees and first job contracts at big corporates. Basically posts about all the things we think might help us to live a great life and that make mom and dad proud.
Online it all seems picture perfect. You might also have a partner you are deeply in love and planning to have kids with. But if I talk to you and ask “So, what’s been happening lately?” the answer usually is: “not much, just work really.” And then your face gets quite sad. I tell you I’m on my way to the gym and you go: “Wow, I wouldn’t even know when to fit that into my schedule, I basically just work. And I’m also doing an online masters, it’s great you know, cause my boss will probably promote me afterwards.” [ by that you mean- you can afford a house way earlier, buy the new car you want and pretend that you are having an awesome life]. I’m wondering: Are you really happy? It sure as hell doesn’t seem that way. I would never dare asking you, cause I know the answer. You’re not. You’re also very likely to get sick every once in a while — but more on dis-eases in another post.
I just find it fascinating, that so many people live in the daily grind, live in that rat race, without realizing it. They’re not content and complain about work all the time but would never do anything about it. There are two reasons for that. The first and more important one — they don’t want to give up the security their current job offers (stable income, pension, annual leave — you name it). This is also what we usually refer to as the comfort zone. And as the name says, it’s very comfortable, so why would anyone want to change that if they don’t have to? The second reason are the expectations of their family, friends and society. Since we were kids, we grow up in an environment that teaches us how we are supposed to live our lives. First you go to kindergarden, then primary school, next up is high school, after that you have to study because, how else would you get a job that pays you well, that provides you with all the necessary security and money to buy your house, your car and live happily ever after? We have all heard it from our parents or other family members — the complaints about Monday, we have seen the #tgifs posts that are supposed to show us how happy we should be it’s Friday and hence the weekend again. But why is no one teaching us how to build a life in a way that suits US, that makes US happy and not the rest of society? I think an important step towards a life that you find fulfilling, is to ask yourself what you want to tell your grandchildren when you’re old. Do you want to tell them how proud you are that you worked at the same corporate your whole life and made it to “Senior xxx Manager”? Is that something you think would inspire your grandchildren to have a self-determined life? To go your own way and make the decisions that will benefit your preferred way of life and not the one created from society— that’s something a lot of people need to learn and work on. Not to fear what parents, grandparents and friends will say. If you decide you want to live abroad and become an event photographer — go for it! If it is something your intuition tells you to do, you will succeed in it. Don’t let other people’s opinion scare you or drop your dream completely. People don’t want you to excel because when you are average, it makes them feel comfortable. Always talk to people who have achieved the things you want to achieve, cause only they can tell you how to get where you want to be.
When I was in college, we had the chance to go abroad for a semester. I remember most of my fellow students choosing places in Europe — Spain, France, Norway, you know — places they can easily access and fly home from within an hour or two. They told me it’s a wise thing to do, because that way that’d get it in their experience abroad which would look really good on their resume and be important for future employers. And they wouldn’t be too far away from family. Great. When I told them I want to go to Hong Kong they gave me a look as if to say I’m crazy. Why Asia? Are you insane? They eat dogs over there… Right! Now that you say it, I should probably cancel my trip. But I’m more than happy I didn’t. My time in Asia has been one of the most exciting, challenging and yet rewarding times. I learned so much about other cultures, myself, friendships and relationships that I wouldn’t have had the chance to learn about if I had stayed in my comfort zone back home. One of my favorite stories from my time in China is, how I made friends with a taxi driver in Shanghai (even though he was pissed at me first for letting him wait a couple of minutes…). He taught me so much about the local culture and the way people think, that no textbook or TV show could have ever possibly taught me. It has always been my dream to learn Chinese, and I followed it even though so many people couldn’t understand and didn’t want to support it.
You were never given a dream without the power to make it come true. — Richard Bach

China was also the time when I realized I didn’t want to work in a big corporate and be only one insignificant tiny part of a big thing that I wasn’t even sure of what it was. On the outside it looked pretty great though — it was an internship at Bosch in Shanghai — “Wow, that would look good on a resume.” Who cares how it looks on a resume? Why are we trying to live up to expectations that we didn’t make up ourselves? Just because our parents, grandparents and friends have chosen the same path over and over again, doesn’t mean we need to live like that as well.
And why do we think we are supposed to work 9 to 5 and make someone else richer? Sure, I get it, not everyone is a born entrepreneur and wants to create things. That’s perfectly fine. But if you are unsatisfied with your current situation, why would you not change anything? What’s there to lose?
A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for. — William G.T. Shedd

It seems like we have this deep urge to meet all the expectations society has created. And so we think this is the only way to live. We love to compare ourselves with others and see how they are doing. But if you are dead, who cares if you had a big car and fancy shoes? You can’t take those things with you. I’d rather spend my money on experiences and memories. Cause to me that’s called “living”. It’s important to stop comparing your achievements to how others are doing, because every single person has to go on their own journey and the only thing you should compare yourself to is, well, yourself. Did you improve to who you were yesterday, last month, a year ago? If so — keep up the good work, you’re on the right track.
