Subject Line: Ding — dong Don’s dead.

To: Creative Department

CC: Anyone who cares enough to read this

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Hallo / Hola / Ciao / Cháo / Hello / Bonjour / Hej / Goddag and so on.

Since the big news that Don Draper died under such tragic, yet unsurprisingly perverse circumstances, there has been a chain reaction of Chinese whispers meandering around Sterling Cooper regarding what the future holds for the agency.

As I’m sure / hope you are aware, it’s now 2016. And, as agency we’ve got a staggering 50 years worth of catching up to do to ensure we not only receive an invitation to Cannes this year, but that we also win one.

This requires change — and it starts now.

First thing’s first, we are moving offices. The stale smell of Marlborough light and Maker’s choice can’t be good for anyone’s health and / or heart. We’re upping sticks and moving to a slightly smaller, open-plan office in Brooklyn.

The building has beautiful views of the river, perfect for getting headspace and is located in the heart of the creative district. By placing ourselves here we will be surrounded by endless opportunity, collaborations and innovation. The intention is you’ll instinctually feel inspired, informed and excited about shaping the future every time you step off the subway from here on in.

We understand open-plan may sound daunting, however it’s intended to break down that counteractive hierarchy system we are accustom to. After all, great ideas can come from everywhere, right?

What’s more, you will no longer have a designated desk. Get rid of all your tat, it’s a fresh start! (That includes the nodding dog, Ed.) Each director’s team will have a break out area fully equipped with sofas, wall space, and desks - and, by popular demand, unlimited fruit.

With a new office comes new staff. We will be on the look out for creative teams and individuals to join our department like never seen before at Sterling Cooper. No longer will the white male reign; instead our teams will be employed on the basis of what they contribute to creativity. You can expect to see female Creative Directors and Executive Directors, multi-national partnerships and digitally-savvy 20 something year olds to become your new creative BBF.

‘So, what then?’ I hear you ask. Good question.

At this point it is imperative that we establish who we are as a creative department. We need to know what we do and why we do it. So, any without further ado… welcome to Meat Machines — Sterling Cooper’s creative department for the future.

We are no longer a traditional department nor are we now digital — we see no boundary. We will focus our attention on find those ideas that connect with people on an emotional level. Once we’ve got the idea, then and only then will we decide the most effective way to communicate it. Think Tinder, think guerrilla, think immersive, think scratch and sniff — think outside of the box.

To find those ideas we will not look longingly into man-made machines in hope of discovering human behaviour — We will use our meat machines first to find real feelings that no data could ever capture. Of course, where appropriate we will use data as a respected resource, but never as a lifeline.

We will use technology to our advantage and embrace the ever-evolving possibilities it holds. To ensure all employees both old and new are update on all the latest gismos and gadgets we will be holding frequent talks, training sessions and workshops from some of the world’s greatest in this area. (If you know anyone who fits the bill, we’re all ears.)

This is an exciting time to be apart of Sterling Cooper both for our clients and employees alike. We’re looking to the future with one eye on the prize and the other back at ourselves, to ensure our output is a direct reflection of the pride and passion we intend to put in.

It’s vital that from now on, when you leave Sterling Cooper’s shiny double fronted door you feel a sense of fulfilment knowing you’re in a position to make a positive difference to the world beyond the worth of any award. And if you don’t, we’ll do everything in our power to make sure you do.

The ‘mad-men’ era is officially over.

Peace out.