Why Going Out For Brunch is Completely Overrated
Call me at alfresco hour, please.
I remember when brunch became the meal du jour in Melbourne. I was in Year 10 or 11 at high school, and my best friend and I merely had two periods of classes on Wednesdays which meant we could leave at recess or not long after, around 11:30am. Perfect timing for brunch.
Our preferred local café did an incredible smashed avocado when the phenomenon had yet to hit its peak (and current price point). It was laced with gorgeous fresh mint and feta cheese, and set atop fresh, sliced ripe tomatoes on toasted sourdough. Poached egg: optional and really not that necessary. Coffee: mandatory.
Since then, brunch has become a mainstay in Melbourne culture — perhaps even a dreaded cliché — with neighbourhood favourites fighting for customers through Instagram feeds and decadent delights (think: fairy floss trend).
Now, ten years on from the novelty of brunch after period two, I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out for brunch. Pandemic shut downs aside, I have been brunching a whole lot less at cafés in favour of my own kitchen. Why?
Firstly, brunch occurs at quite possibly the worst time of the day. It means rolling out of bed and heading to brunch feeling tired and hangry. Don’t tell me you’ve not made exhausting small talk before pushing to order your food.
The last brunch I attended with friends I remember being exactly like that, not feeling lively until my piccolo latte and plate of food had been happily delivered and consumed — that’s more than halfway through the catch-up! I can confirm I’m much more me when meeting for a mid-afternoon alfresco lunch, or dinner with a glass of wine in hand.
Have you also noticed that cafés have completely lost their originality? I could honestly (and clearly, very sassily) tell you 80% of any menu before being handed one by a waiter/waitress. (If not, Googling for it on Zomato as standard.)
There’ll be smashed avocado of course, bircher muesli and granola, a form of shakshuka, traditional staples like Eggs Benedict and Eggs Florentine, and the usual “eggs your way!”.
Menus pander to food trends (especially dishes or cafes made popular through social media), with iterations being constructed to be same-same but different. Sometimes, I am so bored by the menu that I simply choose a pastry, which I know are brought in from elsewhere, or regrettably, choose a safe option like the famed smashed avocado. What’s a foodie to do?
Then comes the bill. Brunch is mind-blowingly expensive. Without sounding like your grandmother (although she is, of course, correct), it’s far cheaper to make brunch for yourself than fork out brunch at a mark-up.
It genuinely makes me cringe at how much money I spent my part-time supermarket job income on brunches back in the day. If I indulged myself in food and two coffees, it would be rare for it to cost less than $30. Sure, that amount is affordable on occasion, but paying for a full bill after brunch with my partner, a relative or friend made me consider doing a runner.
Mindsets have changed since the beginning of the pandemic I’m sure, with more people likely to want to support small businesses like cafes and restaurants so we all get through to the other side. Even still, I haven’t found myself gravitating to want to purchase take-away breakfasts in plastic containers when I can head to my local supermarket or green grocer for fresh produce and bread.
A coffee machine was a worthwhile investment at the beginning of lockdown in 2020, despite some initial concern about my barista competencies. I may not be able to do any latte art, but I have made hundreds of coffees for a fraction of the price to substitute mid-morning dashes in-between meetings to get my fix at the cafe downstairs.
Brunch was built on having a sensorial experience, as well as the opportunity to not lift a finger – no dishes! However, it’s turned into an obligatory Insta moment (and anti-social phones at the table nightmare) at a time of the day where I’d rather still be in bed or on a morning walk saving my $30. I’ll catch up with you later, please.
You didn’t think I’d finish without some recommendations, did you?
Where to get brunch and it be worthwhile:
- Carter Lovett, Elsternwick
Always ask for the specials, and pray that their bone marrow croquettes feature somewhere. Otherwise, don’t go much past the lemony sardines on toast.
- Hardware Société, Melbourne CBD
It may be very popular, but nothing beats French twists on classics. Their Continental option changes seasonally with fresh versions of their fruit and yoghurt sides.
- Larder, Daylesford
Still in my mind years on, I delighted in the Breakfast Soup offered on the morning I went. A fresh, syrupy “broth” with beautiful star fruit and berries.
If not here, use this as the inspiration and mindset to find somewhere with creative menu options — something you can’t make yourself for the best part of $5 at home.
