ADHD — The Face behind the Mascot
Imagine for a moment that ADHD was an actual person. What sort of ‘negative’ attributes might that person have?
Loud, distractible, impulsive, unreliable, reckless, self-involved, a bad listener, dramatic, emotional, reclusive, absent, impatient, a black and white thinker, sensitive, intense, fickle, restless, erratic, unmotivated, messy, inflexible, moody, lazy, childish, chaotic, temperamental, forgetful etc.
As a person with combined type ADHD, I read that list as if I am reading a direct description of myself. It may as well be my bloody CV. Every single one of the adjectives listed have been used to describe me (not my condition) at some point or another, and in various contexts. Usually with the word ‘too’ attached.
Prior to my diagnosis, I truly believed that I was all of these things. It is only now that I am beginning to unpack everything, that I am able to differentiate between aspects of my personality and the symptoms of my condition. However, the issue of how I am perceived externally- as a sort of caracture of my symptoms; still prevails.
If someone with narcolepsy fell asleep right in front of us, we would understand that they didn’t just decide to take a nap half way through a conversation. Likewise, people with ADHD are often reacting to what is happening neurologically; triggered by our environment and the circumstances that surround it, but not by the environment itself.
Brain imaging studies have shown that individuals with ADHD have differences in the structure and function of certain brain regions, including the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and limbic system. These differences lead to decreased levels of neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, which are important for regulating attention, impulse control and behavior.
Now this doesn’t mean that we should get some kind of ‘Get out of jail free’ card, but there has to be more acknowledgement of the fact that we are living with a condition that directly impacts how the brain responds to stimuli. When people are intoxicated or on a brain altering drug, they have less control over their inhibitions and impulses so they may not always act in alignment with their ‘true self’.
We widely accept this as a society, but when it comes to ADHD, we seem to be incapable of separating the person from the condition. This is why so many people with ADHD suffer with identity problems because of feeling unseen and misunderstood by even those that are closest to them. Here are some of the ways I differ from my condition;
- My ADHD is chaotic and spontaneous. I am a creature of habit with a love of routine.
- My ADHD finishes everyone’s sentences in my head before they have even finished speaking. I am deeply interested in what people have to say and I love listening to people.
- My ADHD is loud and overpowering and it loves finding the most extreme sources of entertainment in the room. I prefer low key people and environments where I can really connect. I find things the most amusing and captivating when they are subtle. My ADHD would disagree…
- My ADHD is extremely sensitive and thinks everything that happens is about me. I don’t think I’m very relevant to other peoples lives at all or that I spend much time in the thoughts of others. I actually like it that way.
- My ADHD cares far more about cheap thrills and having the answer to absolutely everything than it does about finding peace. Whereas I like the not knowing. It isn’t going to change the fact we’re all going to die ignorant and wrong about most things.
The only thing I know for sure is what I am not and I am not my ADHD. I am so much more. We might feel like slaves to a brain that has its own agenda with no regard for ours, and sometimes that is very much the case. But we are also the soul that’s underneath. We are the face underneath the mascot suit that we never asked for.
