The Complete Emoji Texting Guide at Every Age ๐ฑ๐ฌ๐ถ๐ผ๐ง๐ผ๐ฉ๐ผ๐ต๐ผ
I read an enlightening Rupert Murdoch publication where a mom kept sending phallic emoji to her son in doting texts, and he was understandably very confused. This is the kind of emoji faux pas that inspires coke-addled fantasies and cinematic prowess alike.
Rather than berate well-meaning emoji beginners with traditional advice, this tutorial attempts to bridge the generational gap by suggesting useful emoji texts for every decade of life. They range from humorous to downright depressing. Maybe we really do get wiser with ageโฆ
My initial inspiration came from Diana Hillโs incredible emoldji to better reflect what people over 50 would like to express using the medium.
Baby
Getting Away with Everything
๐ ๐ ๐ผ Bartender, more milk!
๐๐ผ ๐ญ HOLD ME!
๐ช ๐ค ๐ ๐ฉ ๐ค ๐ญ Finally going to bed? Donโt get too cozy. I just started crying again!
โ ๏ธ ๐ฉ ๐ฌ ๐ธ ๐ค ๐ Mess up potty training and you will alter the course of my psychosexual development forever
๐ฎ ๐น๐ฑLet me play with the iPad real quick
๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ฏ Can I have a valet for my 4th birthday?
๐ ๐ ๐ก ๐ช If you read me one more Brothers Grimm story, Iโll worship David Cronenberg
๐ ๐ถ๐ผ ๐ง๐ผ ๐ธ ๐ป ๐ Posting embarrassing photos of me on Facebook qualifies as child abuse.
Teens
Prepare to Cringe
โคด๏ธ ๐ TURN UP!
๐ช ๐ SLAY
๐๐ป ๐ YAS QUEEN
๐จโ๐ฉโ๐ง Fam
๐ ๐ผ ๐ฏ ๐๐ผ Basic
๐ฅ ๐ฏ Itโs lit!
๐๐ผ โ ๐๐ผ Thatโs ode gucci
๐ฌ ๐ ๐จ โ๐ป ๐ ๐ ๐ We cyphed and got totally smacked
๐ฌ ๐๐ป ๐ป๐๐ผ๐๐ผ I curved him and dubbed his sh@#/Nope out!
๐ฉ ๐ฒ Mupload that ish (middle-aged Buzzfeed writer variation)
๐ ๐ฐ Swag money (either going through midlife crisis: see 40s section, or 12-year-old boy on Instagram)
๐ ๐๐ป ๐ ๐๐ฆ YOLO (ironically)
๐๐ป ๐ On fleek! (ironically)
๐ป ๐ Bae (so 2013)
20s
More Growing Pains
๐ค ๐ฉ ๐ ๐ฉ ๐ฝ ๐ฑ Screwed for finals
๐ ๐น๐ธ ๐ Come save me, Iโm at the bar!
๐บ ๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐โ๐ฉ ๐โ Netflix and chill?
๐๐ป๐ช ๐ฉโโค๏ธโ๐โ๐ฉ โ๏ธ ๐ ๐ฎ โผ๏ธ Knock before entering #LUG
๐ธ๐ธ๐ธ๐๐ป ๐ท ๐ ๐ต ๐ด ๐ณ Just barfed in my Uber
๐โ๐ผ๐ฎ I told you so!
๐ซ ๐ ๐ ๐ณ ๐ฆ THIRSTY
๐ ๐ ๐บ ME TIME/Cozy night in
๐ ๐ ๐คณ Iโm feeling myself in these jeans
๐ณ ๐ซ ๐ ๐ธ ๐ฃ ๐ฆ Broke AF
๐ท ๐ ๐๐ป Iโm so over having roommates
๐๐ป ๐ฉ ๐ Everyone I know is getting married!
๐ ๐ฐ๐ฝ ๐ถ๐ผ ๐ ๐ค ๐ค Am I gonna be okay?
30s
The IDGAF Years Part 1 #Adulting
๐๐ฝโฌ ๏ธ ๐ฑโ ๐จ๐ป Swipe left!
๐ ๐ ๐ค ๐ ๐ญ โก๏ธ ๐ค ๐ ๐๐ป Finally done with therapy. Ready to live my best life!
โ๏ธ ๐ถ๐ผ๐ฑ ๐ฅ ๐ฉโโ๏ธ Mom, Iโm not ready to have kids. My houseplant is dying!
๐๐ป ๐ด ๐ณ Maybe I donโt need a Mr. Darcy?
๐ด๐๐ป๐ No FOMO
๐ ๐ Will you pick new furniture with me from somewhere thatโs not IKEA?
๐ ๐ป ๐ ๐ I accept myself completely, just as I am. I accept myself completely, just as I am. I accept myself completely, just as I amโฆ
๐ฅ๐จ๐ผ ๐ โก๏ธ ๐ท๐ด๐ฝ ๐ ๐ป Trading vodka cranberry for a single glass of red wine and Theo James for a socially-inept accountant with dad bod.
๐๐ป ๐ ๐ ๐ข ๐ ๐ โฐ ๐ฅ Iโve finally found my personal style after countless man-hours of browsing Pinterest and Instagram.
โ๏ธ ๐ ๐ก ๐บ ๐ธ ๐ ๐คณ ๐ฒ Coachella? Iโm too old for that sh!#
40s
Behold the Midlife Crisis. Terribly Depressing!
๐ ๐ค ๐ Itโs the economy, stupid!
๐๐ป ๐ ๐ Canโt teach an old dog new tricks!
๐ ๐ ๐ก ๐ซ ๐ค BRB marriage in shambles and everything is a lie
โ๏ธ ๐ ๐ฝ ๐ท ๐๐ป ๐ฌ ๐ Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother.
๐ ๐ก ๐ค I donโt want to stay out too late
๐ ๐ผ ๐ช๐ฝ More baggage than a 747/ Paris Hilton in the Riviera/a drag queen on a road trip
โน๐ป ๐๐ผ ๐ด๐ผ Fighting slowing metabolism with a gym subscription
๐ก ๐ก ๐ As I got older I looked at the world and I realised, we need armour.
50s
Midlife Survivor Aftermath
๐ด๐ป ๐ต๐ผ๐ฒ๐ช ๐ ๐ ๐บ ๐ ๐ Senior discounts, here I come!
๐ผ ๐ ๐ต๐ผ ๐ Sorry, Iโm too old! (translation: I donโt wanna!)
๐ ๐ง๐ป ๐ฆ๐ผ ๐ Youth is wasted on the young
๐จโ๐ฉโ๐ง ๐๐ป The kids are alright
๐ฟ ๐ต ๐ถ โน ๐ Who in their right mind would listen to this crap?
๐ค ๐ ๐ ๐ป ๐ ๐ ๐จ๐ป The invisible cloak of old age keeps sexual harassment away
๐๐ป๐ก ๐ต๐ป I donโt give a hoot what the neighbors say!
โณ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ Back in my dayโฆ
๐ ๐ฌ ๐คทโโ๏ธ๐ช ๐ญโI wish I could remember that far back. What was your question again?
60s
Introspection and Arthritic Fun
๐ต๐ผ ๐บ๐ธ โ๐ป The kids have families of their own nowโฆ Maybe Iโll run for president.
๐ฃ ๐ ๐ค My arthritis is acting up again
๐ฐ ๐ธ ๐ช ๐ฌ BRB spending the kidsโ inheritance money like thereโs no tomorrow
๐ ๐จโ๐ฆโ๐ฆ ๐ค ๐ธ ๐คฆ How was your One Dimension concert, honey?
๐ ๐ฅ ๐จ ๐ Weโre all works of art in progress
๐ด๐ป ๐ ๐ผ Why should I stop working? If I do, Iโll die and itโll all be finished.
๐ต๐ผ ๐ The trick in life is learning how to deal with it.
70s
Personal Transformation and The IDGAF Years Part 2
๐ ๐ฌ ๐๐ป Bring me my set of teeth, will you?
๐ญ ๐ Donโt forget my memory meds!
๐ต๐ผ ๐ด๐ป ๐ ๐ โ๏ธ Letโs all get demented!
โ๏ธ ๐ฒ ๐ ๐ ๐ โ U up 4 a game of Backgammon/mahjong/bingo/golf?
๐ต๐ผ ๐ช๐ป ๐ Iโm not giving in to anyone elseโs idea of how I ought to feel and look at 70. โRetirementโ is not a word I can even visualize.
๐ ๐ฅ ๐คท ๐ต๐ผ You canโt control how other people see you or think of you. But you have to be comfortable with that.
๐ ๐ We tell ourselves stories in order to live
80s
Achieving Digital Fame by Being a Cool Grandma
๐ต๐ผ๐ฑ๐ท Time to reinvent myself as an Instagram celebrity!
๐ฃ๐๐ป๐ Do I think what, hon?
๐ฅ ๐ญ I think most people are actors. Thereโs fakery going on, donโt you think?
๐ต๐ผ ๐ค๐ป ๐ โ๐ป ๐ Iโm not an old person. Iโve never been an old person. I just do my thing.
๐ต๐ผ ๐ฉ๐ป ๐คณ ๐ฒ I think that high school kids and college kids and even grade school kids know who I am and want pictures with me. Why? Because they all want me to be their grandma! They also want to be like me when they get to be my age.
๐ต๐ผ ๐ด๐ป ๐ ๐ฆ๐ผ ๐ง๐ป Oh, I just love young people. Iโve got young people around me all the time.
๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐ป ๐ ๐ป ๐ โฌ๏ธ If youโre over a certain age, youโd better keep your bra on because nothingโs worse than saggy duds
๐ซ โฐ ๐๐ป ๐พ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ I donโt believe in funerals. I believe in celebrating life, and showing people, while theyโre alive, how much I care about them
90s
Social Disapproval and Bitter Snobbery
๐ง ๐ฐ ๐ฆ ๐ ๐ โ๏ธ ๐พ I suffer from dehydration and I know what awful things it can do.
๐ ๐ป ๐ ๐ฅ ๐ญ ๐ณ ๐ฏ I donโt look at social media or think about what I had for breakfast, itโs ridiculous.
โ๏ธ ๐ท ๐ฃ ๐ฟ ๐ฅ โ๏ธ I havenโt dated in 68 years.
๐จโ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ ๐ค ๐ ๐ฝ Everybody today is like a robot, and I donโt want to be part of that.
๐ ๐ ๐ฝ ๐ โ๏ธ ๐จ โ๏ธ ๐ถ ๐ถ ๐ถ ๐ถ If you walk down the street in New York in the winter, all the young ladies look alike.
๐๐ฝ๐ฑ โก๏ธ ๐ People seem to live vicariously through other people and other things, and thatโs why they are all becoming empty shells.
๐ฟ ๐ ๐๐ You hardly meet anyone with a soul anymore
100
Becoming a Treasure Trove of Wisdom
๐ฐ ๐ ๐คท I donโt care about my birthday one bit!
๐๐ผ ๐๐ฝ Bye Felicia
โ๏ธ ๐ฑ ๐ฆโฑ Donโt let the cat piss in my ashes
โ ๏ธ โฐ What is Iron Maiden, sweetie?
๐ ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ ๐ My secret to a long life has been staying away from men. Theyโre just more trouble than theyโre worth.
๐ ๐ด ๐ฒ โ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ป Get plenty of exercise, eat a nice warm bowl of porridge every morning and never get married.
๐ซ ๐ด ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ I am tired and take naps as many times as I can
๐ท๐ซ I have always loved a glass of sherry and good food. My favourite is chocolate blancmange
๐จโ๐จโ๐งโ๐ง ๐จ๐ป ๐ฉ๐ฝ ๐ด๐ป Having adult children makes you look 100 years old. I donโt want that.
Originally published at https://sophmoji.blog/2016/12/12/the-complete-guide-to-emoji-texting-at-every-age/