I am a perfectionist. And it is not something I am proud of.

Yes, I get praised for my work, for always delivering on time and with the highest standard. But whilst it might be acting in my favour sometimes, more often than not I find myself so stressed and full of self doubt that it paralizes me.

For as long as I remember I’ve been like this and quite frankly, I am sick of it. I am a creative person and there are days when my brain seems to bubble over from all the ideas I have. Like learning how to do video, a new photography project or starting a blog. But me being me, instead of going ahead and getting started I first do some research — go on the web, do an extensive google search, read books and articles about the matter. Because I want it to be original, I want it to be perfect. I don’t want to start it with little clue what I am doing to then later realize that I could have avoided half of my mistakes by doing proper research. In short, I want it to be perfect right from the start. And because that is not possible and because in the day and age of the internet everything seems to have been done before I falter. I stop. I chuck the idea aside because all of a sudden it seems ridiculous that it ever could have felt like a good one in the first place.

I am sure I am not the only person to have felt this way, just like I am sure that many times I will fall into this trap again and again. But what is the saying? To have realized what is bothering you is the first step to change it (as you can see, I refrained from going on google and finding out the exact quote. Hurray!).

And therefore here it is, my first blog entry.

I am starting a blog even though my google search told me blogging is dead. I am writing this knowing something along these lines has undoubtedly been written before and probably in a much more eloquent way. I try not reread it ten times to make sure no one realizes I am not a native speaker. And above all I try to see it for what it is — a small step in the vast universe of the world wide web which maybe someone, somewhere might enjoy reading for a few minutes.