Chères collègues,
Aussi longtemps que je me souviens ma mère me disait que j’allais être écrivaine. Je lui demandais pourquoi j’avais de petites mains, pourquoi j’avais une petite boule sur mon annulaire droit, pourquoi je tenais le stylo de manière inhabituelle? Elle me répondait toujours que c’était parce que j’allais être écrivaine.
Elle la passionnée de théatre, de Hand Ball, de musique Disco et de Abdelhalim Hafid, laissant sa belle ville méditerranéenne chaude pour migrer vers un Paris froid et solitaire. Elle deviendra le nerf de la société francaise éduquant ses enfants et accompagnant ses vieux délaissés dans leurs vieux jours, m’a toujours encourager a poursuivre mes passions. J’ai pendant longtemp cru en moi sans faille, jusque ce que la faille apparaisse et s’impose. Ma confiance en mes talents n’a pas été fragilisé facilement. J’ai eu tout à tour de bons professeurs et des professeurs qui ne voyait en moi rien de cela. Mes notes de francais n’ont jamais atteint la moyenne. Pourtant j’étais parmis les 3 premieres de la classe dans toute les autres matières. Je me suis donc focalisé sur ce qui me paraissait plus simple: les sciences. Pas besoin de trop écrire en science, suit la logique et tu trouveras le résultats. Personne dans le corps enseignant ne s’est posé de question comment je pouvais écrire avec difficulté si j’excellait dans toutes les autres matières. Toutes ces années d’éducation et de passion pour l’apprentissage et personne ne m’a prise en main. Personne ne m’a prise au sérieux lorsque j’énonçais mes rêves. J’ai d’ailleurs appris aujourd’hui que personne ne me prendra en main. …
Becoming a sibling is amongst the major life events one will go through in life and depending how it is dealt with it, it can be an empowering or a rather traumatic life event. We all know stories of siblings who are best friends to each other or worst enemies. In my own family journey, I have experienced both. I have no connection for my older brother while I have unconditional love to my little sister. So, I knew first hand the importance of this transition for my little girl.
For the past 3 and a half years she has been the absolute center of my universe and the arrival of another angel should not make her feel any different. Although we know it will be different. I will have to share my attention and time, not to say my body with another being and she has to be ok with it. …
As I share stories over coffees and sweets with my warrior mamas tribe, we often come back to the things we are supposed to do as mothers. I need to provide emotional stability, good education, healthy meals, diverse activities, exposure to the world, safety, and so on all of that in a stable household. My teacher Dr. Umar reminded us that the only thing that makes good adults is a household where love prevails. Yet, we know that other aspects of life are also important and it tends to makes us feel we are failing if we can’t do it all, that we are not good enough, that we have to do better. …
Dear voice in the back of my head,
You are showing up from time to time to tell me that I am too ambitious. I hear you. I respect you. Please not that You are no longer needed. I release you and thank you for your services.
Kindly,
Soraya
Ps: Effective immediately
The other day I was scrolling down on my news feed when I came accross another one of these articles that tells you all about the secret to be a successful entrepreneur. One obsession lately in all these tips lists is the morning routine. This time, I couldn’t avoid laughting out loud while reading it. Am I not disciplined or driven by motivation and success? Am I not organized? What was so funny about these healthy and great tips of a morning routine?
It just felt like they were talking to a life once lived that can no longer even be imagined. Yes, that past life of a single person, living alone, with no young child to raise, which means a totally irrealistic life as I can’t think either to live without my loves. I was laughthing because I was craving the authenticity of a grownup life. How about reading non edited or unfiltered life tips on what is defined as a successful entrepreneur?
Last night for example my sweet 32 months girl refused to put a diaper on for sleep. I trust her choices, I want to encourage her self determination at all time and I am totally ready to get rid of diapers, so I let her sleep without a diaper. It already happened before occasionally and she was totally fine sleeping throught the night. Last night, it was a little different we woke up twice, having to change everything and wash while still both asleep, we laughted about it. Was last night a unique event? Yes. Do we have unique events often, oh yes. We generally sleep well but she wakes up at least once in the night because This morning we woke up slow and not at 7 but rather when my alarm rang : 8:00am. We laughted again about what happened at night, then pursued our cuddling. Our morning routine includes cuddles in bed, announcing program of the day, playing, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and a lot of negotiating (when it comes to choosing outfits, brushing hair, or eating) before walking (or running) to school while pushing the stroller and saying to palm tree (currently leaving in our North African home). …
After being in immersed writing for the past 3 months, I just received my first feedback on my writing. I am relieved, pleased, and upset to read :“I found it great; We are completely in it, it is well written, motivated; We just want to read more; It is remarkable, unpublished and super important”. These words are really positive and filled my heart with joy so why am I so upset?
I am upset of ever doubting myself, I am upset at this academic system that tried to take parts of my soul along side the way of completing this project. I could have finished many moons ago but doubt, fear, suspicion and numerous enemies were there all way long to create the most difficult of obstacle courses. Before I could even dream of finishing this intellectual and spiritual race. Unfortunately, I am not alone in this category of brilliant academic who struggled to finish because of the very system within which we are working. I can’t even mention how many sexual propositions, discouragements, intentional road blocks, financial difficulties I had to overcome to make my dream come true. …
Sirat’s babas is our first and foremost example. As a year ago we decided that we will be both working to be independent entrepreneurs and active parents, the route has been wondrous and tumultuous. We didn’t gave up to the fears and kept on focused on our goal. We are proud to say that she has never been taken care by someone external to the family and she has been able to travel across 7 countries and learn three languages while being barely 2 years old. None of this life adventure would be even thinkable without the incredible life partner I am blessed with. He supports every single one of my dreams and initiative. …
Sirat and I started watching movies together. I love how she engages the characters and remembers detailed scenes. Watching movies is exiting, we have been doing it 3–4 times a week lately, especially on rainy week-ends like this one. We seat comfortably on the couch or on my bed. I bring her a bottle with warm milk & honey as she likes it. We choose the movie together on the selection I make or a specific request she has.
We have so much fun watching movies. It’s relaxing for me and we make it a dynamic process so we both enjoy this moment. I love to describe what is going on, I name new things, we dance if there is rhythmic music. I also don’t hesitate to pass if images can be scary or worrying. As I carefully select the content she is exposed to in order to open her curiosity and imagination. …
“A strong women is also sometimes strongly fed-up” voiced Angela Davis. As these words written by Lata Man were being pronounced , my heart felt heard. Yes, I am strong and yes, right now I am sooo strongly fed-up!
“The poetics of fragility” premiered last sunday in Oakland. I was grateful to be amongst the fierce women in the audience. This film awakened the reality of time, the awareness of pain, the truth of age, the unquestionable strength, the unthinkable before the lived experience, the unbearable weightiness of memory lost. It was a wake up call, an echo, a reminder. I am fragile like every other strong being. …
Honestly, I did not see this one coming at all. Usually I am pretty good on having A, B, C, D, E plans in case anything falls out on the way. This time I did not. I was off guard, it hit me in the face, I am still scatterbrained. I had everything planned expect this plan. I was clearly envisioning taking the maximum advantage of my Stanford Visiting Scholar opportunity, doing yoga every morning, biking to Bart, reading in the bus, writing at my Stanford desk, cooking for all of us in the evening and writing my journal before bed. I was going to take advantage of the gift of my sister being an amazing beauty therapist to get spoiled. I address my fears of success. I reached out to some beloved mentors in the community to support this process. I thought I had it all planned, I was mistaken. There was the option of her not boarding on the plane and it happened. …
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