How I prepared my 3 year old to becoming a big sister.
Becoming a sibling is amongst the major life events one will go through in life and depending how it is dealt with it, it can be an empowering or a rather traumatic life event. We all know stories of siblings who are best friends to each other or worst enemies. In my own family journey, I have experienced both. I have no connection for my older brother while I have unconditional love to my little sister. So, I knew first hand the importance of this transition for my little girl.

For the past 3 and a half years she has been the absolute center of my universe and the arrival of another angel should not make her feel any different. Although we know it will be different. I will have to share my attention and time, not to say my body with another being and she has to be ok with it.
To be honest she made the preparation for the new sibling a little easier since she was praying for a little sister AND a brother. When we heard her wish and request we told her to bring it to the Higher power for execution. We knew we were not courageous enough to take the decision ourselves. At the end of the day, we barely got back to a rhythm that felt “normal” and to a routine that felt “comfortable” since Sirat entered preschool and that I returned to my adulting life. A week after I started my teaching position, we found out we were expecting and that the wish of our daughter was realized. When it was confirmed by the sound of a heart beat, my lover and I held each other, took a deep breath and welcomed with excitement and surrender the blessing of a new being to our family.
I knew right away that preparation for Sirat had to start early on. I had an idea of what it should include and started applying in different realms of her life. I believe that the main thing should be for her to feel included, loved, special, growing up and heard. The preparation included little routine shifts in her daily habits like spending more time with daddy, reading relevant stories, taking her to doctors appointment, receiving big sister gifts and hearing her questions and concerns about the process.
Here is a list of things I took into consideration when preparing her:
Name: “ One day we were filming a video and she mentioned that we should name her sister Anya, since that day she would share with close people that her sister’s name was Anya. When she was asked where did this name came from she would affirm “it came to my heart”. Needless to say that there was absolutely no way that we could have named her any different. We loved the name and it’s meaning. We loved that she came up with it to we embraced it as a family.
Books: “Hello in there” There are a whole bunch of books out there for this moment in ones life but our absolute favorite that became THE book to read every night for about 4 or maybe even 6 months before and after the birth of Anya was “Hello in there” it simple and descriptive and inspiring. We recommended it to everyone of our friends who were expecting and we still do.

Gifts: A new set of gifts came into her life called “the gift for being a big sister” we just gifted her little things here and there like beauty cream, essential oils, new pajamas, teddy bear, guitar or a new book. Guests who later came to celebrate the new born also embraced for most this kind set and would bring 2 gifts one for the baby one for her so we would increase jealousy.
Mama/daughter dates : Time together and alone is going to be transformed so I packed our schedule with movies, nails, park, beach, farmers market, museum, play dates and everything that makes her feel great and special.
Spiritual: blame it on the anthropologist I am but I love rites of passage. They are important part of life journeys and weave the cultural fabric together. In my Tunisian culture we have several rituals to celebrate specific rites of passage and becoming a mother holds a whole series of rituals (which could be the subject of another blog post). When it came to having a baby shower, I didn’t feel like having a party but rather an intimate spiritual moment surrounding by people who truly care about me. I wanted a ceremony to celebrate motherhood and sisterhood. It was only natural that Sirat was part of it and that she will be celebrated in her transition of becoming a big sister. It was the most magical day for me curated by the most loving souls in my life and I couldn’t be happier by the love shower. It made me feel safe and Sirat was at the center of it all. Styled and centered into the ritual she was celebrated as a new sister.

Emotional: whenever she would need a hug or to sleep with me I did my best to make room for her. Feeling left out is easy especially with the task of mothering a new born. We planned with her dad for special time for her and also allowed her to sleep in our bed if she needed. That happened maybe two or three times and was always welcome. This is part of the emotional support we provided to her. When the baby was born we also presented it to her classmates since she had spoken about her little sister to everyone and was really proud to introduce her. We gave him extra hugs and attention whenever we could.
Sirat is now a year and half into being a big sister and is doing amazing in that role. Teaching her sister, sharing with her, taking care of her. The challenge now we face is how to teach the baby to be a good sister and extend the same attention and that we are working towards step by step but haven’t figured it out quite well yet. To be continued. Parenting is indeed a journey we are experimenting with everyday as we go.
