5 Things A Single Muslima Over 30 Doesn’t Want To Hear

It’s difficult enough trying to find halal love and marriage in this tinder-ised, fast paced world we live in. When faced with a single Muslim woman over 30 people are often aghast and quick to offer “helpful” suggestions. Sometimes these come from a place of genuine love, other times they seem to come from a place of criticism and judgement: don’t you know how simple it is to find a mate??

Here are some of the most annoying things you can say to a single Muslim woman over 30…

Your concern has been noted.

1. Have you tried shaadi.com?

Yes. You have tried them all. You’ve also tried speed dating, mingling events, family setups, blind dates set up by well-meaning friends and just plain going out to cool places and hoping to meet someone. If it were merely a matter of locating men, you would have found him by now!

2. Why don’t you find a man from back home?

Actually you probably did contemplate that once or twice, but you knew he wouldn’t have had the same experiences as you, shared the language in the culturally specific way you use it and also you didn’t much feel like running him through the initiation process of how to live in your home city once you got back home. So the answer is: no.

3. Your biological clock is ticking you know!

Really? Please refer to the multitude of supposedly “older” mothers out there to see how very wrong you are.

The assumption is that having a child is simply a matter of popping one out of your hoo haa to keep the family name going.

In this day and age having children comes with much greater social responsibility not to mention the extortionate cost. And let’s not forget the other naive assumption that children are a given. More couples are choosing not to have children whilst others simply can’t.

The healthy marital relationship should come first before kids. That’s the smart woman’s focus, not just locating a healthy sperm provider.

4. You’re one of those career types aren’t you?

Yes. But you also want companionship. The two are not mutually exclusive. You are flippin’ awesome at what you do and you want to get married. It’s not one or the other. By doing well in your career it doesn’t mean that you purposefully forfeited your chances at martial success and happiness. It’s no sin to be good at a profession and the “punishment” is not loneliness.

5. You’re so picky!

Why? Because you refuse to settle for someone who doesn’t stimulate you intellectually and emotionally? “He has a job, a car and is your age”, I was once told about a prospective. Great, in that case marry Mr. Bean if that’s all that’s required.

One of the best things about being 30+ is that you know yourself so much better than you thought did when you were 20 something. So it’s only normal that you want someone more in tune with who you are. Yes compromise and change come with marriage but you also want to find the person who is worthy of it.

Soraya Soobhany-Chohan

Singles Coach For Muslim Women