7 Reasons You Are A Single Muslim Woman Over 30
In my role as a singles coach, so many of the Muslim women over 30 I interact with tell me that they are often left scratching their heads wondering what on earth they are doing wrong. How have they not found a husband yet?
Here are 7 possible reasons why…
1. You are not the right shade
In my single days I joined a multitude of matrimonial websites hoping that The One was out there somewhere. However, I was deeply shocked and offended by those so called Muslim websites that asked you to indicate what shade of brown you were. The drop down menu went from “fair” (the prized shade), to “wheatish” (whatever the hell that is), to “dark” (the loser shade). Forget our white, black, oriental or Arabic sisters. Muslims, it appears, can only be 50 shades of brown. Honestly, it was like choosing foundation only less glamorous. If only I’d known that happiness in marriage relied on skin colour I would have cracked open the Fair N Lovely years ago.
2. You have too many qualifications
When you decided to embark upon your Bachelors degree, Masters degree, PHD etc in order to pursue subjects you were passionate about and hopefully change the world, little did you know that you were actually setting yourself up for disappointment further down the line. If only our elders had warned us of the dangers of being too clever, too well-read and too worldly I would have stopped after my SATS. Who needs female professionals anyway?
3. You earn a lot of money
All those years of dedication spent climbing the career ladder, doing work you are passionate about and excelled at were in fact wasted. Who wants a wife who earns more than him? It makes him feel bad about himself and people may even question the strength of his virility. Earn less if you can. It makes him feel better especially if he drives a better car than you. It shows that the hierarchy has not been disturbed.
4. You are not from the right country/area of (insert country of origin here)
Living in London I have been fortunate enough to interact with a range of people from all cultures. I have eaten their food, attended their weddings and learnt some customary curse words from them. But when it comes to marriage the cultural doors often slam shut.
Sorry but unless you are from the exact same village, neighborhood and clan as your prospective, you will never be accepted. Cultures cannot integrate, new languages cannot be learned, blood cannot be mixed. Book your ticket to the homeland now, it’s your only hope. Let the inbreeding begin.
5. You are too religious/not religious enough
Hijabi? Too religious. Too restrictive. Too narrow-minded.
Non-hijabi? Too progressive. Too western. Slut.
(*These are the only two categories by the way.)
6. You are divorced
You’ve been married before, you once had feelings for another man, you have experienced desires of the flesh. This is unacceptable. You have lost your shiny new packaging I’m afraid.
Not only that, your divorced status may possibly cast a curse over his pure blood family. Because of you, other women in the family may also not stick at it and make their marriages work (the divorce was all your fault after all). You are a threat to all that is normal and good in the world. Your life experience has made you streetwise in the marriage arena and that will simply not do.
7. You talk too much
You are a woman of the times and up to date on worldly affairs. That should be enough. Why should you want to talk about stuff too? It may challenge him and he may not be able to engage in healthy debate which will in turn make him look stupid.
On a date? My guess is you are one of those friendly, polite types when you are talking to a guy . You know, all open and engaging and stuff in your conversation.
Big mistake!
Talk less, be moody, high maintenance and sulk. Pick at your food, show disdain and talk as little as possible.These are the girls who seem to get the husbands.
So there you have it ladies.
The next time you are accused of being too picky please refer those well-meaning aunties to this list of reasons why you may have been rejected.
And to the good guys reading out there this, we know you exist, we love you lots and we know that none of this applies to you. But you know the type we mean though. Give them a kick up the backside for us next jummah at the mosque please!
