So near yet soĀ far

I saw you again after a long time, you passed me by awhile ago with your utmost vibrant smile. My favorite smile.

I wish that itā€™s okay. Iā€™d like to think that I wasnā€™t affected seeing you cheerfully smile. I wish that my heart wouldnā€™t have to feel anything so that my mood all day long had not been affected. I wish that I was truthfully and genuinely happy for you being with other people. But I canā€™t lie to myself.

I am not okay.