Healing is possible. I’ve been through some traumatic things too. I can’t understand anyone’s experience but my own, but I do know soul crushing pain and despair, and feeling totally alone in that nobody will ever understand what it’s like to go through what I did. I identified with much of what you wrote and your insights. I commend you on your ability to express what you’ve felt. And I fully believe it is possible to come back from anything. Good luck on your journey.