Psychology at Last Provides the Solution for Locating Your Soul Mate
In an attempt to figure out what actually makes two people compatible for a relationship, psychology is now throwing light on the mystery that wraps so many hearts and minds worldwide.
Being social beings, we all harbor a secret yearning to find that one ideal partner with whom to share our days. When you first meet that one person, you are drawn to them inexplicably and experience an absurd level of familiarity. As though you’ve known that somebody for a very long time — perhaps even several lifetimes. Whatever you want to name it, the soulmate phenomena has been romanticised in both TV shows and movies. However, what exactly do we know about the ideal spouse or the perfect mate? In an attempt to figure out what actually makes two people compatible for a relationship, psychology is now throwing light on the mystery that wraps so many hearts and minds worldwide.
The Compatibility Problem
Dating services like OkCupid and Chemistry brag about their extensive personality tests and say that you can find the ideal partner by matching up with someone who has comparable test results.
Now, there are a lot of reasons why this sounds really good. First and foremost, you want to be with someone who, hopefully, has comparable interests to your own, such as rock climbing, and who also shares your beliefs. Second, it makes sense to look for someone else who want to start a family and raise children in the future. Finally, because we are social beings with a strong need for love, we will do almost everything to appease our need for it.
Though the evidence for compatibility dating services is strong, how long and how successfully do partnerships between people with similar interests and quirky personalities actually last?
A very unexpected finding was made by University of Texas researcher Dr. Ted Huston throughout the course of a long-term study of married couples. According to Dr. Huston, “My research shows that there is no difference in the objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy.”
According to Dr. Huston, couples who experience warmth and contentment in their relationships report that compatibility is not a concern. In fact, they claimed that rather than their characteristics complementing one another, it was them who brought the partnership together. That being said, when the dissatisfied couples were asked about compatibility, they all responded that it was crucial to a marriage. Unfortunately, they believed they were incompatible with their partner. According to Dr. Huston, the unhappy couples meant to say, “We don’t get along very well,” rather than, “We’re incompatible.”
That’s where compatibility becomes problematic since, understandably, those who are unhappy tend to blame the façade of compatibility. They are unable to see that a good relationship is not dependent on how similar two people are; rather, it is sustained by the desire to stay in a relationship.
International happiness polls show that people in arranged marriages tend to be happier in their relationships and that they tend to endure longer. Is the reason these planned marriages endure longer than those in the United States that have the choice of divorce? Naturally, the reason is that they have made the decision to be faithful and aren’t searching for “the next best thing” or a more suited partner in their eyes.
According to Stanford University sociology professor Michael J. Rosenfeld, planned weddings aren’t all that dissimilar from romantic relationships in the West. Our cultures differ most from one another. Above all, Americans cherish their autonomy; they want to be free to pick who they spend their time with. Nonetheless, when things in our personal relationships aren’t going as planned, we frequently find ourselves caught in an unending cycle of thinking about someone else, both consciously and unconsciously. This is the point at which the appearance of compatibility becomes relevant.
Finding A Lifelong Partner
We are aware that developing a connection with someone depends on both parties. It is essentially unrelated to compatibility. But how can we identify our perfect partner if we can’t rely on compatibility tests or other conventional forms of testing?
Measures of personality, according to Dr. John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Institute in Seattle, cannot accurately predict the duration or success of a relationship. Gottman found that the longest-lasting marriages are those in which the partners put all of their effort into creating something significant in their lives — like beginning a business together. The single most important factor in establishing a successful relationship is how a couple interacts with each other. That is to say, finding the right partner won’t come from who you are or what you do. It’s the way you communicate, get along, and navigate life together over time.
John Gottman continued by saying that your life goals should be supported by your partner. You should be respected, looked up to, and envied by them. This seems perfect, but when you think about how you’ve always wanted to be treated, it’s crucial to have someone who honestly thinks highly of you.
There’s an emotional component to a lot of the connection you have with someone; don’t assume it’s all just how we see each other. As a result, you must be able to react to one another when you need anything. Alternatively, in the words of John Gottman, “Does your partner approach you with the same zeal? You have to keep learning more about each other and asking each other questions.”
Concluding Remarks Regarding The Soulmate:
If you genuinely seek love and hope to meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with, never forget that YOU are the one who generates compatibility. There is no secret code or ideal method for creating a successful relationship with another person. Sure, you must find the other person appealing, admire them, and feel a strong sense of familiarity, but those are only a few components of what makes a relationship strong and long-lasting.
Thus, the next time you encounter someone who grabs your attention and causes your pupils to widen with curiosity and excitement, see if they are able to visualise the life you have always dreamed of. You’ve discovered your “soulmate” if they can appreciate your joy and accept you for who you are right now, not for who you could become tomorrow.
Thanks for Reading..
Disclaimer:
Note:The article may contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on them and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you.
This content is provided without charge, and by utilising these links, you will be assisting me in my work, which is very appreciated.
Article Source : https://www.gottman.com
