Book Review: “Nasty People”

“Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.”…..Leo Buscaglia

“Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt BY Them Without Becoming One OF Them” focuses on those people who bring themselves up by putting others down.

This small self-improvement book written by psychological counselor, James (Jay) Carter was published in 1989. Life has always produced “nasty people,” but with the introduction of the internet and social media, people prone to nastiness have become even nastier and more emotionally destructive. Instead of face-to-face confrontation, a person now has the ability to “self-express” behind a keyboard without employers, friends and family knowing….and has resulted in bringing out the very worst characters of some.

“Nasty People” uncovers the weapons used by people to get what they want and reveal techniques of how to handle their misdeeds by using humor and/or confrontation. This book gives solid advice on dealing with these types of people…at that time in 1989 and also in 2015.

A person who “validates” recognizes, establishes or illustrates the worthiness of others. The author uses the term of “INvalidator” as the person who intentionally makes others feel very UNworthy about their life. Carter states that “Only 1% intentionally spread this misery to manipulate and control others.” We can see with social media, that percentage has skyrocketed.

According to Carter, an INvalidator actually feels inferior to some other person, so he or she tries to make another person feel small. This person is a manipulator who attacks our self-esteem instead of the real problem. He says: “Invalidators are usually me-me-me people. Their self-esteem is actually low, but they hid this well by displaying over inflated egos. He uses his self-importance to try to make up for the inferiority.”

Also an important fact to consider when confronted in person or on social media with a “nasty person” or invalidator is this. Carter says: “…people are mean for one of three reasons: 1. To get their way; 2. Because someone was nasty to them; or 3. Because they don’t feel good about themselves.”

Those who thrive on invalidating others suffer from poor self-esteem, mental anguish, and overall unhappiness. The worse he or she feels, the worse they want others to feel.

The book discusses how nasty people think, focusing on techniques used to make others feel inferior and shut down the dialogue. The book, “Nasty People,” can change our lives because once we know how to spot and CONQUER nasty behavior, the people who used to intimidate lose their power.

“Nasty People” was written by James (Jay) Carter and was published in 1989 by Contemporary Books, Inc. in Chicago, Illinois.