I am a woman in a man’s world
First time someone told me — “Being a woman is different” happened on one of the best days of my life, when I was just 16 years old. I was the third topper of my state and was being interviewed at All India Radio for felicitation. After asking a few questions, the interviewer asked me-
“ How would you like yourself to be introduced? Third topper amongst all or First Topper among Girls?”
The naive teenager me said- “I don’t know there is a separate category for girls. Father, is there one?”
The room burst into laughter. I forced a smile on my face; it felt as if I have failed to grasp an obvious joke.

We all know women empowerment / equality for women is an issue where people can write an entire book. I personally believe trilogy would fit much better.
Due to my inability to write one, I am citing two issues here which are very close to my heart — firstly, because people talk a lot to me about them(almost daily), may be because of the age / phase of life I am currently in and secondly, because it boils my blood to the core to see such “normal” injustice among the “elite educated” class of people.
She does not work; she is just a housewife
Unpaid work would be the biggest sector of the global economy — if only it counted. — Melinda Gates (The Moment of Lift)
Let me start with an example which hit me hard:-
Recently during my interaction with one of top senior officials in my company, we happened to have a candid discussion about women working after marriage.
Before I go on further, here is a disclaimer:-
I have always seen this person being very supportive and encouraging of all women working in his team and beyond. He has been one of the strongest voices about women equality on the workplace.
So what he said during our interaction kind of came as a shock to me (and not a pleasant one).
Here is his story-
When my wife and I got married, she was running a company of her own — with a team of 30members (this was in 1990 when IT sector in India was just getting started and entrepreneurship was a big deal, let alone women). After marriage, when we had kids and it was getting difficult to manage home and work, I asked her if she wants to slow down her career to take care of family, she took the decision and has been a housewife ever since.
Looking back at the last 20 years, I feel that was a good decision we took so that we can have a normal family, give best upbringing to our kids and take care of my aging parents.
It made me sit up and think — If the “man” of the house had his own successful company before marriage, would he ever be put in a spot where he has to choose between family and career? If yes (highly unlikely), what would he choose?
This is a no brainer, of course. Then, why does the “no brainer” answer change if the coin is flipped for women?

Before you jump to conclusions, I am not asking men to sit at home and make way for women career. NO; NOT AT ALL. At its core, if nothing else, Feminism is not Male Bashing.
I am asking men to come into an open conversation with their “partners” and not already have a default answer in their mind. If your wife is doing well in her career / she enjoys doing what she does; take a step back and ask yourself — what if I take my career slow? What if I spend more time with children so that she can achieve her dreams? What if I take the first step for a normal family life?
If your partner has a happy “work life”, chances are — When she comes home, she will dedicate more energy to seeing that her family is not suffering / compromising due to her career.
Just think whose win that is.
You are mine and “I am yours”
No one forced me to change my name, but I was conditioned to believe it’s something a wife just does. — Multiple women when asked why they changed surname, post marriage
Every time you attend a wedding, you are bound to meet tons of people — “Wish you happy married life, Mr. and Mrs. Sharma.”

Subconsciously, we all “know” — after marriage, women “leave” their homes and go to “Guy’s” family. Is it fair that we can subject anyone to such “cruelty” just because she wants to start a life with a person she loves?
Why is it that you almost never hear anyone say it to a guy? Ever!
Why is it that women are “allowed” to keep their own identity? Who is the invisible authority that decides whether we can keep our OWN identity? Why is it that women consider themselves lucky when they are not asked by in-laws to change their name or take care of her parents? Should it not be “De-Facto”?
Asking someone to give up / compromise her own family should be the exception, not the other way round.

I feel proud to carry my father’s legacy (I would have preferred to carry my mother’s as well, if I had known the paperwork behind this custom). I want my “name” / “identity” to be passed on my kids, along with my husband’s. I believe it is my right and also my duty to my kids.
Does it mean that I won’t love my husband? Does it make me a “non-perfect” wife? What will his family think? What will mine think? How will I convey this “concept” to everyone?
The answer is “NO”. I am not doing anything groundbreaking.
I am just raising questioning on an age old tradition which has become an invisible “LAW” and people not following it are seen as criminals.
No matter the number of social media movements, office events, Women’s Day celebrations, unless we question biases deeply rooted within ourselves, women empowerment will always be a Post-Facto movement (damage control movement).
Next time, you introduce your wife to someone as “Housewife” or write your surname after your kid’s name in forms, just pause for a moment and think there is one person more who has done as much work as you to make your house a “home”.
