Why is it so that I repeat a mistake multiple times?
I understand to some degree that I need to, need to sleep early every day! Otherwise, it’s going to be tough to continue with the same energy level throughout the day the next day.
Monkey Mind
But then I tend to listen to my monkey mind and watch all sorts of YouTube content for endless hours and sleep after my body parts start aching! This has been a daily bad habit and I’m just circling in this for I don’t know how many days now!
Although I’m tired of it now, some strange force comes onto me to follow the “thrill” the “enjoyment” the “kick” towards watching those things and making me feel ecstatic. Although while watching I’m fiddling and going through lots of things one after the other, I’m not able to find something that will make me feel completely content and satisfied with it and stop me from watching anything after that! It’s completely out of control then!
The point I’m noticing here is although I feel completely against it during the day, I tend to get trapped into it by the evening (or the night). It seems so strange that both are the tendencies coming from the same source, my mind!
What is Freedom?
They say,” Freedom is when you have a say over your tendencies and influences”
I feel I’m bound in the prison I made for myself all by myself! The concepts and notions I made, the perceptions I created the stories I make in my head, are weaving the invisible cocoon I’m putting around myself unconsciously! And this is what attracts a lot of things in life — the opportunities I receive, the challenges I face, the people I attract, and a lot more!
I’m bound by my patterns! My growth is dependent on the patterns I made throughout my life’s journey.
One thing that I feel happy about in all this is, this ‘sense’ prevails at least occasionally! Regularly make me feel guilty and makes sure to drain my energy during the day as an aftermath of guilt! And to feel guilt-free sometimes I get trapped again in this circle once again and go on a spree of no-mind and keep watching content keeping my mind busy for over and above 2, 3, or 4 hours! After such a long time, I’d get tired and tired and tired and feel pity about my aching body and sleep silently protesting about my monkey mind which ditched me completely and led me to this situation all by itself.
When my biological clock silently reminds me for waking up at an early hour, my monkey mind starts with its perfect excuses with amazing storylines and bountiful thoughts about how “I need to have sleep, how it’ll become tough to work during the day without the needed sleep for the body, how I should be good the next night and take care of habits very carefully”
All these stand out to be reasonable for me, but then “Why now? Why not in the night when it was the most required! “
The monkey brain is all reasonable in the mornings but goes all bonkers when it comes in the grip of the stupid whims and fantasies and gets super hyped up and starts floating in the world of the airy-fairy wishy-washy world! But you know I become so unreasonably optimistic, while in the grip of it, about myself and just get into the flow of it! And it also adapts the memory of a pigeon, remembering nothing from experience, and gets into it even more and more!
Who can take away all the nice feelings when it’s “enjoying” it! Stupid me! Silly me!
What’s happening on the inside?
When we give it more thought, isn’t it the same with every bad habit or obsession we have? Isn’t it the same case with all of them? People get gripped in the pulls and the pushes of their tendencies and commit crimes also unknowingly! Although it’s not so innocent, it’s innocent when you look at it closely. No one seems to have control over their bad habits. They say openly it’s their bad habits and still not able to get rid of them! How come?
We’re all conscious beings with these amazing powers of thinking, analyzing, introspecting, and improving our skills each day on the go. A highly evolved being on earth with the most highly evolved functioning mechanisms of mind and body!
Such a pity we don’t realize it! Civilization is all great, but what about getting closer to our natural selves? What about getting back to ourselves and trying to learn more and more of our innate abilities and realizing our true potential?
It’s like, we have a smartphone and we’re using it for a calculator!
Yes, it can very well do calculations, but then it can do a lot more than addition/subtraction!
How many of us have been doing the work we feel we’re just done with?!
How many of us live for the weekends?
And how come all of us are so occupied with work almost all the time? And we’ve forgotten what it feels like to just sit, relax, and just be.
It’s okay to be not occupied with the tons of conversations of your emails on our heads! It’s already in our email’s inbox, we don’t need to add it on our “In-Box”!
Most of the time, we don’t even realize what all drama is cooking up in our In-box, as it keeps happening and happening relentlessly without a pause! It doesn’t leave us in sleep too! We can’t blame the sleep, you know! Our sweet innocent sleep! But then, due to our malpractices (yes, it is malpractice when you see it from our innocent sleep’s perspective!) the sleep quality, we used to experience before, when things were simpler, when we had lesser garbage on our minds, has deteriorated! And the funny part is there’s no sleep-o-meter available yet! We can’t measure what level of quality of sleep quality we are at now and where we want to strive to get to and all that!
Strive! You see how amusing this gets when people want to “strive” to get sleep! That’s probably the only thing we can all experience in our lives without striving for it! This happens when we don’t strive when we relax. But we all know how so many people nowadays are not able to sleep!
Closing thoughts
Maybe some time away from our “goals”, our “work”, our “busy schedule” and having nothing to do, not occupied in any devices or gadgets and just spending some time without having an agenda or an output or an expectation in return, should start again! Yes, keeping it simple has always been the way! It’s just us who got confused with so much of things to do, goals to achieve, meetings to attend and bucket lists to tick off. It’s okay to have nothing to do. It’s perfectly alright.
Let’s lift off the burden of our shoulders of having to do something all the time and keeping ourselves occupied with something or the other. Let’s get a little free. Free from all the conditions, restrictions, and all such entanglements we’ve made ourselves. Free to see the reality as is.
If you could relate to this article, drop by in the comments and let me know what you think. :)
