You wake up. In a house that’s not your own, in a city that’s getting there. It’s awkward in the morning. A New Year, a new you, a new everyone, mainly just a New Year. You say your goodbyes and walk, freezing, down the road to your car. Is this the New Year? Cold? You like that idea. The song is nice too. You don’t remember where you heard it originally, probably some podcast. It’s melancholy, just how you like it. Good for the end of the year. Good for the start.

2015 was a weird year. For me personally and for the world. Transitional. That’s probably the nicest way to put it. Me and the world, we’re in transition. Whether changing ideology, government, living quarters, 2015 was about change. Perhaps even more so, it was about wondering if those changes had any value and were even changes.

That question has bothered me a lot this year. Is it worth it? Living where you live. Doing what you do. Knowing who you know. It’s the worst kind of question, because it doesn’t have an easy answer. But even with that knowledge it still bothers me. My concensus is this: It’s often not worth your time. It’ll often fail, be bad, not happen at all. But as long you enjoy it in the process — As long as I enoy it in the process, then in some small way it was worth it.

I didn’t much care for 2015. Can you tell? By the weird self-helpy way I have to reassure myself? I thought so. 2015 was a year that had a four month period that was really cool, weird, nice and another eight months that kind of sucked. I was sad a lot this year. For a variety of reasons. This was a hard year in school, a hard year in work, a hard year in life. Movies disappointed, ideas that seemed cool weren’t, things I thought I’d enjoy I didn’t. It wasn’t what I expected and for someone like me, who appreciates order, knowing what’s coming next, feeling ready, it was a shock and a disappointment. I want it to be over and I’m not sad to see it go.

That’s not to say that there weren’t good things.

I lived in Japan this year. I wrote some things (4 short films, a television episode, a couple dumb essays like this one you’re reading). I found the truest summer jam. I rented a house. I turned 21. One of the things I wrote became a real life film. I made new friends. I made new friends. I watched a lot of TV. I cried (not as much as I would have liked). I tried really hard to be better to myself (I sort of succeeded). STAR WARS.

2015 was one of those years that you really don’t want to happen, but in retrospect, with a couple hours of thinking and writing, you realize is probably pretty necessary.

I don’t know when I started thinking vegetables were okay, but I know they’re good for me and that I should eat them. 2015 was like that. It didn’t taste good (most of the time) but it’s probably good that it happened to me and to you.

I’m mixed on 2015, but to use the same philosophy from before, the parts I did enjoy, while I was living them? Those made it worth it.

For now.


  • Movie: Inside Out
  • TV: The Leftovers (sorry not sorry)
  • Song:
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