Housework Is Not My Full-Time Job

I have been a stay at home mom (SAHM) for over 5 years now. In the beginning I still worked part time…but the vast majority of my time was spent tending to my children. It was a choice that was made early on by both my husband and I.

We had our first child together in January of 2010 and in May of that same year my husband was laid off from his job. So he stayed home while I worked. He had one child to care for in that year. He became employed again a year later but it was a 5 hour drive away.

He commuted home a couple times a month and over the next 3 years we had 2 more babies (plus he had two sons when we got together) therefore, I was tending to 5 kids (2 tweens, a 2 year old, 1 year old, and an infant), a house, and all that entails pretty much by myself. And I still worked part time…very part time but it was still part time.

In March of 2014 we decided to relocate the family so that my husband could come home everyday. I made this decision in support of my husband. I left all my friends, and the life I had built, behind. Upon relocating I decided that I was no longer going to work and that I would now be a full time SAHM.

Well now it’s a year later and apparently my husband thinks that housework is supposed to be my full time job. He doesn’t support my blogging in any way. He rarely even reads it. He told me a year ago, after battling a time of being depressed after moving here, to find a hobby, something I was passionate about. So I did. Blogging. Only now it has become the base of our fighting.

Yes, the house suffers from time to time due to my commitment to my “hobby”. But the house is in no way disgustingly filthy. There are plenty of people who come to my house and say how they couldn’t tell that I have 5 kids because it is so clean. Granted I usually pick up and clean a bit if I know people are coming over but there have been plenty who have just “dropped by” and still have never made a comment about a mess.

Now of course the house gets messy. I have 3 toddlers. And sometimes I believe that you just have to let kids be kids and make a mess if they want to. My husband doesn’t agree. He also doesn’t seem to agree with me when I say that housework is not my full-time job. I understand that he goes to work and provides financially for the family but his work is not hard. He operates heavy equipment, that’s air-conditioned, or heated, depending on the weather, and most days when I ask him how his day is going, he says boring. Well let me assure you that my day is NEVER boring.

My husband works shift work. Therefore, he works a block of 5 days or nights and then has 5 days off. In those 5 days he seems to think that he has to do nothing. Including parenting. He doesn’t cook (except maybe a rare occasion that he fires up the grill), he doesn’t clean (ok I will give him credit for cleaning a few times in the almost 7 years we have been together), he does do his own laundry (clothes only) because I got tired of him complaining about how I did it. And he mows the lawn about once a month.

Most of his days off he sleeps in, and then watches his DVRed shows, which I would have no problem with if he would get off my ass about my blogging and the housework! Housework is not what defines who I am. Oh and might I mention that I am not a high maintenance wife. I rarely, and when I say rarely I mean like a few times a year, do I actually spend money on myself. I don’t own expensive items. I wear two pieces of jewelry. And my purse was $20 off of Amazon. I haven’t had my hair done, in a salon, in over a year. And I used to work in the industry! Yes, in his defense I will admit that he doesn’t refrain from telling me to go get it done, but I just have yet to have found anyone that I like in this little town we live in that’s located right dab in the middle of nowhere. Where I moved to support him and what he decided to pursue as a career, job, income, or whatever he wants to refer to it as. Therefore, all I ask for, in return, is a little more support in what I want to pursue and that is blogging. Not, nor will it ever be, housework.