Seeking therapy as an Asian American — Do you need therapy? How do you find a therapist?
Today is World Mental Health Day. I wanted to write about my mental health journey as an Asian American. I hope this inspires those who might feel they need help, that it’s OK, and that it’s not as daunting as one might think.
By the way, I’m not a medical expert and this isn’t medical advice. It’s me telling my story in case anything resonates with you or in case you need some inspiration to take action.
I’m an Asian American and definitely wanted to talk about therapy because it’s not something we talk about. And I know this — I still haven’t told my parents that I’ve gone to therapy. LOL. Chances are, they’re not going to read this. If they do, maybe it’ll be a pleasant surprise and an empathy builder. Anyway, my point: it’s OK if you’re Asian American and need therapy. There’s nothing shameful about it and you don’t even have to tell your parents (or your friends) unless you want to.
When I’ve used therapy
I’ve sought therapy twice in my life. Once when I had a personal tragedy and couldn’t find my place in the world. It was helpful to course correct and find my way again. Then in November 2020, when I had weathered so much of the crap 2020 brought. At that point, work was stressful. The stress literally ate the insides of my body, where I went on medical leave. I felt so broken and I needed therapy to get me out of this hole I’d fallen so deep into.
How I knew I needed therapy
I had reached a tipping point where it was my only option. I tried EVERYTHING to calm my stress, anxiety, and sadness about the dismay of 2020. I worked out at home, walked a lot, ate better, tried to get more sleep, found new hobbies, did endless amounts of yoga and meditation, and who knows what else. Talking to my partner didn’t help and nothing else seemed to work.
Once I went on medical leave, I had nothing to do but look out for myself so I started searching for a therapist. From where I was, I could only go up.
Here are some flags that were indicators that it was time to call a therapist:
- I had problems more complex than what friends or my partner could solve
- None of my coping mechanisms were working (mostly because they weren’t available during covid)
- No coping mechanisms were working — there was no coping happening!
- I didn’t feel like myself, no matter how I tried
- I was struggling so badly with racism — the events of 2020 were hitting too close to home.
Therapy for marginalized community members
Besides to the above, dealing with racism is difficult. There can be a lot of baggage there. I’m an advocate for any marginalized person to get therapy if they can to help work through it. All the anti-Asian racism and attacks really got to me this year. It brought up a lot of trauma from when I was growing up as a kid. And I needed help to work through that. Even if the hate wasn’t a factor, Asian Americans are culturally pressured to be the best by our parents or ourselves — and that can be too much.
If you’re from a marginalized community, getting therapy is a great way to navigate life and work through your past.
Ok, so knowing all this, how did I get a therapist? Keep reading!
How I went about finding a therapist
Again, I’m no professional and I figured this out on my own because I didn’t feel like talking to anyone about it. Finding a therapist is like finding someone to date. There are certain qualities I needed and I wanted to make sure I got along with the person so I could be myself. Here’s how I found a therapist including some ways that weren’t helpful.
1. Identified why I needed therapy
This can be tricky. Am I depressed? Am I anxious? Am I both or something else? I tried to roughly outline what I thought it was to help narrow things.
2. Identified what was important about therapy
I’m actually a highly sensitive person, so I wanted someone who was specialized in working with HSPs. I also wanted someone who could relate to me as an Asian American woman (so really I would be cool with any BIPOC woman). Some people might want someone that’s of the same religion, age, etc.
3. Searched my health insurance network
This is an option, but depending on your provider, it might not be a great option. I often found that profiles weren’t complete and the search feature wasn’t helpful. It just felt sterile, so I tried searching elsewhere.
4. Searched therapy-specific sites
I used Therapyden.com and PsychologyToday.com (not a plug for these services). Both had better search capabilities than my insurance provider. In those sites, I could look by location, specialty, insurance, etc. Most importantly I could see their profile, which they wrote. (See, just like dating!) The best part was finding therapists with videos — it helped me get a sense of who they are. Some people check off all the options as their specialties, which for me was a flag. How can you be good at everything? So I looked for therapists that only had 4–5 top specialties.
5. Narrowed my options to 2–3 therapists
After I found a few that I thought would be a good fit, I did some more digging. I googled to find any more info about their practice, etc. This was super helpful in getting to know them better.
6. Checked my insurance provider
I went back to see if my insurance would cover these therapists. Some people might opt to pay out of pocket for this expense, so it’s not factored into any data.
7. Reached out to my top pick
I reached out to the therapist I was most interested in and we met online to see if things would be a good fit. Luckily she was a great fit for me, so I started going to her practice (online). But this step is super important. If I didn’t feel like we gelled well, I would move down my list — and this happens.
8. Avoided asking friends for reference
I definitely didn’t ask anyone who their therapist was for a reference. I’ve definitely asked people if they liked their dentist or PCP, but a therapist is pretty personal. And that can cross a boundary that people won’t feel OK with. As I said, this is like dating and you wouldn’t ask “Hey can I date your partner, too?”
Where I am now
I’m definitely in a much better place after going to therapy. It took work, I learned a lot about myself, and I can see how far I’ve come from a year ago. I no longer feel broken and I’m feeling recharged and resilient. I have tools to help me manage whatever crap 2021 has brought on. I highly recommend therapy for everyone.
Hopefully, this article has inspired you if you’ve been on the fence about therapy. And if you know someone who could benefit from this article please share (in the most tactful way, of course!).
Happy World Mental Health Day!
