Los Angeles…

I make a lot of jokes about you, LA. Coming from the Bay Area, being smart is what success is. Going to MIT, graduating in two and a half years, all while maintaining a 5.0 GPA (MIT is weird) and writing a textbook about machine learning that gets distribution through a reputable publishing company. Silicon Valley has its own level of toxicity, but I have to say — LA, you take the fucking cake.

For those who come to LA, usually it’s because of entertainment. Entertainment is notorious for being a sea of shallowness and greedy money grabbers. But this obsession with image and trends trickle down to the many who call LA home. And while those who enter the business are hyperaware of the toxicity of the business, not many realize that the pressure and absurdity of the city’s culture itself.

LA is inhabited by “perfect people,” unhealthily obsessed with their public persona, especially on social media, where they feel the need to look a certain way, to behave a certain way. Veganism (for the animals, while we wear $1,000 leather jackets)! Spirituality (only because we want to seem down to earth while we sip on $20 smoothies)! Art (what is it, $400 for that festival ticket?) Think of every Father John Misty song, and that’s what LA is. In LA, it’s a tacit, unspoken rule that we can all be empty inside, every action can be empty and meaningless, as long as our superficial image thrives.

This is a longwinded post, but I’m making my point here: LA changes you. I’ve never had lower self-esteem than after I moved to Southern California. I always feel like I’m not pretty enough, not hip enough, not white enough, not health-conscious enough (it’s bullshit). Because whether you like it or not, whether you buy into this bullshit or not, whether you call it out or not, it changes you. It makes you feel like you have to be a sheep apart of the herd. You feel pressured to look a certain way to be “cool,” to have value. That it’s not superficiality and you’re not insanely curating your image, but this is who you are, a form of self-expression. But it’s not.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate LA. But I’m working on being aware, being present, and truly believing and knowing that I’m more than good enough. Fuck image. Seriously. Be able to realize when you’re losing yourself. Be aware, and be yourself. Not the you that LA wants you to be, but the real you.