After the storm, before the hurricane.

Well let me tell you a little about what happened recently to my life. I was having just about enough of this stress or whatever it is that was bothering me. I think and I think again and I reject that thought and I think again… That was exactly what was happening to me for the past few months. I had trouble making decisions. It really felt awful and scary when you are stuck in that hole where any passageway feels like an opportunity and trap at the same. The feeling of trapped in that moment made me unsure about everything, and I was really hurt. But let’s not talk about the problem and let’s focus on practical thing. The decision I couldn’t make seems simple at first but my world was divided. Whether I should lean on to somebody and live the rest of my life (Well at least couple of years) knowing nothing about the true challenges therefore I couldn’t open myself, or accept the reality and move on with my life and do my sales job and create a healthy lifestyle. Both seemed like and opportunity and trap at the same time. That was a fucking feeling. One point I desire to choose easy yet painful life, and one point I want to choose struggling yet the right life. Then I got so tired and become emotionless. I know I have let my feelings out in order to think clear, but letting it out felt like exposing my vulnaribility to others. But what is so wrong about showing your disadvantage side to people? You are no superman. It’s better to show your weak side than holding it altogether to yourself and collapse soon. It shows that you are a normal human being. I was really afraid to let my feelings out and communicate with people. But I figured, I am not going to live that long. So why live my remaining life hidden from people and afraid. I don’t want to feel like crap ever again. I deserve to be happy, everyone deserves to be happy. Just accept the fact that you are a normal person with feelings whether good or bad, and you have a disadvantage and advantages. Just accept the fact that you feel love and fear just like every other people. Accept the fact that you will make mistakes just like every other people. Just accept yourself as it is and move on. That way life would be much delightful, cheerful and broad. And you will shine from inside.

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