Don’t Do Anything I Wouldn’t Do, and I Wouldn’t Do Anything.

My mother said this, says this.

It’s around 1 A.M and I just stepped onto this aluminum bullet, and if only it moved as fast as one.

For some reason it strikes me that people on the train at this hour are of questionable character with questionable motive, but they probably aren’t much different than I. Just trying to get some place.

Each dot on the transit map spans far from the seemingly straight blue line, each representing the various paths I could have found myself on at this point, so it seems only fitting to find myself contemplating life so far in this very spot.

My mother’s somewhat cryptic advice somehow found its way back to me at this odd hour. What does that even mean? So far I’ve just taken it as “don’t do bad shit,” as those words were usually said in parting before some kind of event where bad things could happen. Like college or something.

Ive reached a point where I can comfortably say “I’ve changed” almost in a mocking tone as my older brother likes to tease with those words. Their power only exists in the inflection attached to them.

I feel that I’ve done anything when most people I’ve been surrounded by would do nothing.

“Ignorance is bliss.” I say it to shame the former, less open version of myself. But sometimes it’s frightening to realize that that bliss may never be returned. In its place, the sometimes cold realization that things may not have been as they seemed, and will probably continue to be that way.

I’m hesitant to be this absolute, but that ignorance may have remained in tact had I went with the advice given to me.

The extent to which I believe this is a good or bad thing remains in question.

But, everything I’ve done so far has lead me to this point, and all said and done, I am thankful to be here.

-M