Is Your Dog Woke Enough?
Insights into your dog’s mind and how barks take up most of its brain time.
There’s no denying 2020 and all its cultural movements. The world has witnessed a paradigm shift in the past few months, wherein discrimination and bigotry were killed by rioters all across America, along with some collateral damage. The successful conversion of people into social justice warriors has already taken place. But is your household entirely rid of politically incorrect beings? Amidst transforming yourself into a more culturally sensitive person, you might have overlooked your dog’s level of wokeness. But not to worry because I have made a list of characteristics that you could check in your dog to determine whether it has taken up the latest social trend as passionately as you or not.
Raven Cras says “To be woke is an encouragement for people to wake up and question DOGmatic social norms.” And if you don’t get the underlying implication to encompass fellow species into the movement by someone who is literally named after an animal, you should recheck your wokeness.
So let’s jump into it. In order to determine if your dog is woke enough, it shouldn’t check any of the following boxes. Your dog isn’t adequately woke:
If it growls more at dark-skinned strangers
If a person of colour (technically, that should be white people since black is actually the absence of colour but we’ll let the inappropriate nomenclature pass) even remotely threatens your dog, it should avoid the threat altogether and carry on, or else it’s very racist. Your dog is treading on real thin ice. Teach it to growl only at people in positions of authority.
If it woofs at dogs of international breeds but does the traditional Indian “bhau bhau” to desi dogs
Everyone knows Pomeranians are more aristocratic than your average Gali ka Kutta but is the discrimination warranted?
If it checks you out while you sleep
Does your dog come up to you in the middle of the night to sleep in the comfort of your bed? You might happily accept it and cuddle with it, gullibly ignorant of its malice, but who knows if it’s creepily staring at you all night or not? Remember, it’s only acceptable when Edward Cullen does it in Twilight. If zoophilia exists, the opposite must exist as well — better safe than duped.
If it disapproves of your choice of embracing promiscuity
It’s bound to bark if there’s a new guy coming over every night but that doesn’t simply imply a fear of the unknown in your dog. It means it’s looking down on you for your personal choice of exploring your sexuality with multiple partners, and that kind of behaviour is very anti Neha Dhupia.
If it doesn’t call out rape culture in the dog world
It’s literally a dog eat dog world out there on the streets, and if nothing, it’s at least a dog eat out dog world. You see street dogs mating all the time but does your dog stop them to inquire if it’s consensual? Or is it a passive propagator of the culture that is oppressing bitches (technically speaking) since the dawn of time? A simple exchange of “woof woof” between your dog and the potential dog rape victim could reassure the former that it’s all consensual, and it can go about happily spending the rest of its day thinking that it has done its part.
If it doesn’t believe in diversity and inclusiveness
Let’s say it has a constant companion with whom it indulges in carnal pleasures. Now, it’s none of your business what your dog does in its own dog bed, but if it has chosen a companion who is of the same breed, colour and caste as itself, then it directly implies that it’s actively ignoring the outsiders and is a perpetrator of discrimination! Why can’t all the Tommys and Tysons get the same privileges as the so-called Brahmin-esque Motis and Bholas?
Dogs are also known to run in close-knit circles and the easiest way to know what your dog thinks is to check if it belongs to a group which grants affirmative action to dogs of other breeds.
If it holds the door open for you
That’s really not chivalry in 2020 — it’s simply chauvinism. It needs to unlearn if you have taught it any tricks or politeness.
And finally, if it denies barking truth to power
Does your dog continue to follow your instructions when you ask it to drop, roll or play dead? In that case, I’m afraid that your dog’s meta-conscious levels are buried deep into the mud with that bone it hid there ages ago, and it believes in being a puppet to its owner. Definitely not woke!
There you have it! If your dog does any of the above, I’m afraid it’s not woke enough and needs to be sent to Billie Eilish for some very radical changeover right away!
Postscript: It’s important to note that most of the dog’s inner voice is just barks so maybe you can’t pin all of the above on it but there’s nothing stopping you from trying to make the world a safer space. SJW away, you!
