Vermin Supreme: The Hero We Neither Need Nor Deserve
For much of human history, emperors and potentates across the earth wore some form of crown. Often forged from precious materials not available to commoners and embellished with jewels, the crown was placed upon the head of the leader from above, as if they were being anointed by God himself. The will of the crown represented the will of God, and God was not to be questioned. Though kingdoms warred and leaders came and went, as the centuries went by each leader remained adorned in the same way. But, as Shakespeare said, heavy lies the head that wears the crown — and heavy things tend to fall.
Beginning in the late 18th century, a series of revolutions throughout the Western hemisphere saw monarchy replaced by democracy as the dominant political system, and with this transition, the crown as a symbol of power all but vanished. In the United States, the first modern nation to eschew monarchy, our leaders have historically been crownless.
As the crown left government, much of the luster and mystique that it once represented faded as well. Today, one man is on a mission to bring the crown back into politics, and with it a sense of wonder which has long been absent. That man’s name is Vermin Supreme.
Mr. Supreme is not interested in returning to monarchy, in fact he is an anarchist, but much like the kings of old, his power emanates from the object upon his head. The enigmatic performance artist, street protester and perennial presidential contender has donned a tall, black rubber boot as his own ersatz crown ever since his first foray into electoral politics in the early 1990s. Though it might seem like a trivial accessory at first glance, the boot tells us a lot about Vermin Supreme’s political philosophy, as well as the artistic statement he is out to make.
Vermin Supreme is, among many things, a rebel and an innovator. Footwear is meant to be worn on the feet, as its name suggests. Yet, the boot fits so snugly around his skull it makes you wonder why no one has tried it before. A boot is meant to be on the ground, its textured platform being designed to grip the earth. By inverting the boot’s position, Vermin Supreme subverts traditional notions of the relationship between form and function, between use and user. The boot, erected toward the sky like a cathedral spire, gives us the impression that God might be obliged to bow to our will. With the boot as his centerpiece, Vermin Supreme’s very persona commands us to question authority.
As a performance artist, Vermin Supreme is dedicated to breaking the fourth wall of mainstream political discourse — that thin layer of false humility and feigned empathy that conceals candidates’ true motivations. Most politicians will tell you what you want to hear and turn on their promises once elected. Mr. Supreme similarly does not intend to keep any of his promises, but he lets you know it:
“I’m a friendly fascist. I’m a tyrant that you should trust, and you should let me run your life, because I do know what is best for you. Yes I am a politician — I will promise you anything your little electorate heart desires — because you are my constituents, you are the informed voting public, and because I have no intention of keeping any promise that I make. Vote early, vote often, and remember: a vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote completely thrown away.”
-Vermin Supreme at the 2012 New Hampshire Lesser-Known Candidates Debate
If you take a look at his platform, you will find policies such as: free ponies for everyone, mandatory tooth-brushing enforcement, and a promise to turn all who oppose him into zombies and then use their zombie energy to generate clean power. It is easy to dismiss these things as purely nonsensical proposals that would have no effect on anyone’s material well-being, because that’s exactly what they are. The absurd nature of Mr. Supreme’s policies reflect a sort of truism about American politics over the last four decades or so: the federal government is not concerned with serving the real needs of the average citizen.
Somewhat like a tax cut, a free pony sounds nice in theory, but it fails to address the root of any problem. This does not mean Vermin’s proposal is worthless though. As Anton Chekhov once said, “the role of the artist is to ask questions, not answer them,” and Vermin Supreme is an artist first and foremost. By proposing free ponies for all, he provokes a question, while those proposing tax cuts only purport to give an answer.
Mr. Supreme acknowledged the thought-provoking nature of his platform in a recent appearance on the podcast Primo Nutmeg, saying:
“Why not ponies? We can afford all these wars; this, that, the other thing, why can’t every American have a pony? If you break it down, if you do the math, the government could afford to give you a pony. Don’t let them tell you they couldn’t, they could.”
By proposing free ponies for every citizen, Vermin Supreme forces us to question governmental priorities, and ultimately, to realize that the government could spend tax dollars in a way that is fundamentally different from the current status quo.
As the 2020 election season ramps up, Vermin Supreme is competing for the Libertarian Party nomination. Next to front-runner Adam Kokesh, whose platform consists of abolishing the Federal government, and Dan “Taxation is Theft” Behrman, whose moniker speaks for itself, Vermin Supreme’s policies seem sane and sensible. It is hard to say whether he is seeking the nomination earnestly, or if he is campaigning for the Libertarian nomination, as he has the Republican and Democratic nominations in the past, to shine light on the absurdity of other candidates’ platforms. Nevertheless, if he can convince the Libertarian electorate that a government which gives out free ponies is better than no government at all, he will be one step closer to the presidency, and through his boot, one step closer to restoring the crown the allure it long held.
To learn more about Vermin Supreme and his 2020 campaign, visit his website at:
