The NY Minute
The not so secret ‘secrets’ of being a New Yorker
After living in NY my entire 23 years of existence, I’ve practically seen it all. I’ve seen cab drivers hit pedestrians and drive away like nothing happened, with no one reacting with more than just a slight gasp. I’ve seen people break dance on trains and hitting people during the process, with literally just an apology and a “it’s no big deal” reaction. Hell, I’ve seen people get on completely claustrophobic crowded trains just to end up fighting over the one tiny ass seat left in the corner(typically the old asian lady wins the fight).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWh385F5lms
Everything that’s been witness to just becomes background noise and more events occur which soon become background noise. In fact, the only people who actually give more of a reaction than anyone are tourists. But it’s not a reaction of concern, more of a reaction of curiosity and wonderment.
Seriously, what’s the deal with us New Yorkers?
What The Hell’s a NY Minute Anyways?
There’s nothing worse to a New Yorker than a train who’s doors close right as you get to the bottom of the stairs entering the train platform. I’ve literally seen people curse out the train conductors just because of a 5 minute train delay. Not because of a train breaking down or because the train will be skipping a stop. But because of a friggin five minute delay.
Look, we all know by now New Yorkers(I’m gonna start referring New Yorkers to NY’ers since typing out New Yorkers takes too long, ok Thanks) are some of the most impatient and rudest people on the planet. To prove my point, let me give you three types of assholes living here.
Exhibit A: The Annoyed Driver
We all know this one. You know, that one driver who literally will cut off every single driver just so they can continue going over 20 miles over the speed limit on the Long Island Expressway. I’ll admit, I used to be guilty of doing the same thing, but shit, someone has to beat that rush hour before the traffic jams begin right?
These people show no regard for anyone’s safety on the road and are usually the cause of accidents on the highway which lead to, you guessed it, more goddamn traffic.
Exhibit B: The Subway Door Fighter
Funnily enough, there’s a beautiful art piece on YouTube, showing the faces of people missing a train in the last second. It’s quite hilarious(I’m kind of a sick fuck like that, but let’s be real, you’d be laughing too) and it’s quite sad at the same time.
But what’s worst than people missing the subway are the people intentionally shoving the doors open to a crowded ass train car and yelling at others to make space. Dude, you’re the one causing delays, being a nuisance and you’re giving us orders? Yeah, fuck you guy(or girl).
Exhibit C: The Bus Gang
Seriously, why the fuck do buses show up in the bunches? There’s a good chance that if you’ve lived in this city long enough, you’ve had to deal with this. Waiting for a bus that’s been late for an hour(not even exaggerating), especially a bus line with a reputation for showing up late, only for the bus to show up with a buddy right next to it.
While most people would think to themselves, ‘will new york public transport is still reliable for the price’, I’m here to tell you that’s very much incorrect. Currently we pay $2.75(the price is expected to rise to $3 later this year and I wouldn’t be surprised if the price is even higher when you read this), for every time we use the MTA. But with the service we receive, you’d think the transportation would almost be free. The delays, the crowd, the one crazy person on the ride causing a problem for everyone else. Instead of improving these things, we get price hikes and wifi stations.
Maybe It’s The Weather?
People who live in the west coast(or even the south for that matter) of the US have to only deal with two seasons: Mild and Spicy. You have to deal with *gasps* rain every once in awhile(or if you live in the west coast, earthquakes and shit). But here in the Big Apple, we have to deal with actual seasons. I mean color changing leaves during the fall, snowfall of different colors during winter thanks to blizzards and pee, rain and those allergies that are designed just to fuck with our sinuses during the spring and finally the hot, steamy, show off your bikini at Central Park summer.
Do you have any idea how much pressure that puts on NY'ers to look amazing no matter the weather? It’s no wonder we get pissed about the simplest shit like trains being late and cab drivers trying to kill you. Also since NY'ers are trend setters, we need to make sure we have the latest things in life and make sure every person on the world knows it.
The Central Hub and Other Conclusions
Despite the fact that NY'ers have the worst record in the country when it comes to successful relationships(hard to maintain when they’re more models per square inch than any other city), we sure as hell know how to celebrate culture.
No where else can I think of to get any type of food I want, whenever I want, then in the city that refuses to go the fuck to bed. Sure, Times Square may be every NY'ers nightmare place and cockroaches claim this city as they’re own, but that doesn’t matter in the scheme of things. Not when you can literally decide, “you know what? Maybe I’ll go to an off Broadway show and then grab some Chinese food” at 1am!
But getting back to culture, you won’t find a greater diversity in the different cultures that call this city home. I may have stated in a previous article that California should be its own country, but even if it were its own country, it still couldn’t claim more culture then NY.
To bring this point home, let me tell you what NY’ers love the most: each other.
We love that people can celebrate their culture with parades(even if it stops traffic for two fucking hours on a busy Saturday), with different businesses that show off different cultures, with the diversity in every workplace, with the types of relationships that form here. Remember, no matter what that racist orange in the White House says, this city, scratch that, this state, voted the other way.
So yes, it’s true that us NY’ers bitch more than any other group of people in this country about the most mundane thing, but we NY’ers wouldn’t have it any other way. We like who we are and if anyone wants to bitch like the rest of us, then the more the merrier.
