Thank you for writing this. My story is a bit different, but you have proved to me that I am not ‘selfish’, ‘lazy’ or ‘full of hate’ or any other negative adjective or phrase that’s been thrown in my direction over the years. I thought I wanted children, I dreamed of a life with 6 kids, but it was always that, a dream, where I had a fabulous husband and extended family who adored my children and helped out at the drop of a hat. A dream where my loving husband earned shitloads of money so I could stay home but was always home early and took loads of leave to help with the kids. And of course my children were always golden haired angels who told me they loved me every day and achieved great things, showering honors upon their idyllic upbringing.
Well of course things didn’t turn out like that. I never met the adoring husband and my family — well, the less said about them the better. ‘Have a baby on your own’ people said, ‘it’ll be fine’. ‘You can’t really want one if you are not willing to adopt’ etc, etc, etc. But I knew that it wouldn’t be ‘fine’. Where would the money come from? Who would mind the baby while I popped out to the shops, or the hairdresser or anything else? What if my baby wasn’t perfect, what if my baby had special needs? Would all those friends urging me to have a baby on my own come round and help out? I think not — they are too busy with their own kids.
So I never tried for a baby on my own (and there were never any ‘accidents’), not because I’m ‘selfish’ but because I’m ‘un selfish’.
You are amazing, you are the ultimate in un selfishness. You are giving your child the best life she can have. You are putting her before yourself. I know it’s hard work but you are gritting your teeth and doing it anyway. I would like to think I would have been the same if I had been in the same position, but truly, I’m not sure I could do it.
You are truly Wonderwoman.