After accomplishing quite the feat of implementing 6 bit 2’s complements with binary numbers, I decided to take a little break and head to Whole Foods.
Today was decently cold and windy which meant less foot traffic.
As mentioned in the end of Part 2, my main focus moving forward will be communicating in a more masculine tone and self-amusement.
Downtown Summerlin first. I enter into Macy’s and see a women looking at some pots and pans.
Me: “Get that one. Don’t get this one” Pointing to two different pots. I enjoy starting conversations like this. There’s a certain energy that comes with just telling her what she should buy or shouldn’t buy (this is always said in a joking tone and smile on my face). I’ve noticed that the conversation picks up quickly and has a natural flow to it.
Her: “well I was thinking about this one.”
I ended up talking about how I’m considered the next Emeril, joking about her lipstick stain on her Starbucks cup, and asking if she was Vegan. She had a big ring on her finger and was a few years older so I bolted.
I walked outside. I saw a girl walking away across the street who looked cute. I caught up to her and from the side, initiated conversation..
Me: “don’t go over there, there’s nothing exciting on that side.”
Her: “haha well I’m going to Dave and Buster’s”
Me: “Don’t go. The best side is over there.”
Her: “haha well I have a date to go to.”
Me: “is it a tinder date?”
She seemed to be in a little rush as if she was late. Looking back I should have kept walking with her and asked her to stop for 2 minutes.
Next girl I saw walking into the parking lot towards her car after exiting a store.
I jogged to catch up to her.
Me: “hey I saw you walking over here and thought you looked cute. Had to come say hello.”
Her: slightly confused at first then had a smile. “Oh haha thank you.”
Me: noticing she was looking around as if she couldn’t remember where she parked her car….”Don’t worry about your car, it’s gone. Someone stole it and drove off.”
Her: she was laughing
She was now positioned in between cars in the parking lot. The parking lot is difficult because you need to leave a little space and not give off the vibe like you’re stalking her or anything while she’s about to get in her car or looking for it.
So unfortunately, she was kinda in a tough logistical spot to continue the conversation. She seemed pretty receptive as I asked her her name and where she was from.
This is another issue I have. I need to become more authoritative and persistent. In a situation like this, I should have asked her to stand there for 2 seconds before she walked to her car. In a way, I semi-rejected myself by not giving her the best opportunity to get to know me.
No one else around. Not much foot traffic today since it was cold and windy.
The good news: I’m slowly getting back to a more masculine vibe with some self-amusement. Also, this is a lot more enjoyable approach to meeting women since small talk goes nowhere.
Downtown Summerlin again. First approach, I see a cute girl walking on the opposite side of the street. I cross over.
I was a little in my head and wasn’t free flowing so I may have come across as a little awkward. She seemed nice but was heading home to eat. She had just worked out and was in a rush. I only stuck to asking her her name and where she was from. I then kind of stuttered over knowing someone from where she was from.
Next girl I see has a really nice physique and looks really attractive. I catch up to her as she was about to cross over the crosswalk to the other side of the street…
Me: “hey don’t cross, don’t cross”
Her: she looked at me and then back to the street and back at me
Me: “I didn’t want you to get hit by a car so I had to stop you”…I was laughing because there were no cars to be seen
Her: “oh haha thanks”
Me: “I actually had to stop you because I wanted to give you the opportunity to meet me.” (my goal today was to introduce myself this way. I think it’s hilarious and great for any girl who gets hit on consistently)
She was pretty incompetent at talking and excused herself after a dreadful 2 minutes of me asking her where she’s from and what jobs she was applying to (she had a folder of resumes and was handing them out to companies).
A few minutes later, I see a girl crossing the street who was dressed out-of-place. She had a unique style and I was intrigued enough to go say hi.
I joked about how she looked like she wanted to be on a beach, how she belonged on the left coast and not the right coast (was from NYC). She was really receptive, but unfortunately I wasn’t attracted to her. Even though these conversations “go nowhere”, it’s still nice to send out positive vibes. The lady seemed very appreciative of me complimenting her outfit and chatting her up for a few minutes. So many people go through tough days and even a simple compliment and conversation could change someone’s day around.
But I talked to her for one reason: to continue being in a social state and joking around in case I passed by a girl immediately after.
Well sure enough, as soon as I ejected myself and started walking the other way, a cute girl was walking my way.
Me: “Don’t go that way. There’s nothing cool back there.” in a masculine tone and big smile so she knew I wasn’t serious (pointing behind me and the direction she was walking)
Her: smile on her face looking confused
Me: “I’m just kidding. I had to find a reason to stop you and say hi. You’re really cute.”
Her: really receptive and very nice. Big smile
I joked about her little handbag and how she was trying to hide brownies in it. She showed me she was returning some items from her birthday. She said she was in town visiting a friend and family. She was alone so I asked if it was an imaginary friend since I didn’t see her friend with her.
So aggravating she didn’t live here. She grew up in Vegas, but now lives in Denver. She was really receptive and seemed into me. She said how nice it was for me to talk to her and was really appreciative of my compliment.
Notes for future self: if she did live in Vegas, I should walk with her around the venue and then take her to Cream (ice cream spot) for what would basically serve as the “first date.” Many benefits to doing this.
Disappointed she wasn’t a local, but I was happy with implementing a few things today I’ve been trying to work on: being more authoritative/masculine, having more fun / self amusement, and coming from the frame that the girl should be thankful to meet me and not the other way around.
I decided to go to another Whole Foods for a change of scenery. I made a passing joke to an attractive girl who was probably 10+ years my senior, we joked for a minute or two about juices, but she was the only girl in the store worth talking to.
I go to Whole Foods after my workout. I walk around the store and there is no one I’m interested in talking to. I’ve noticed after 6:30 this particular Whole Foods has a lot less traffic. I grab some bananas and walk around the store for a minute hoping for at least one today.
I see a girl who I’m kind of attracted to and she’s on the phone. I was thinking of doing the “call them back” introduction to get her off the phone and introduce myself, but I didn’t have the cajones at the moment.
Then a cute blonde walked in.
My goal today was to add in that I only had a minute into the conversation. I think this is important during the day because whenever a stranger starts a conversation in a non-social place, the first thought is always how long is this conversation going to last. This has been a tactical error on my part as it’s one of the core tenets of picking up girls during the day based off most theory you’ll read online.
Me: “hey I was about to go pay for these (bananas in my hand) and head out so I don’t have any time, but I thought you looked really cute and had to come say hi.”
Her: “Oh haha” with a big smile and appreciative laugh
I asked her where she was from and what she was doing here with a mix of statements/jokes in between. I hope she wasn’t single because I honestly enjoy talking about binary more than talking to girls like her.
I always take full responsibility for an interaction not getting anywhere, but there are a certain amount of girls who just lack the ability to handle an interaction with a stranger. And hey maybe she just disliked how I looked or was in a serious relationship.
But it’s honestly really aggravating when you walk up and approach with confidence, a good vibe, a smile, are able to crack jokes within 30 seconds of meeting a stranger, she’s laughing and enjoying the conversation and participating, but literally adds zero to the interaction.
An example: She was from Florida, and I mentioned how I lived in both St. Augustine and Tallahassee before. Then I joked “How in the world did you end up all the way out in Vegas like me?”
Her response: “my family”
After a minute or two, I walk away so I can get back home to learn about logic gates, sequential logic, and how to build a computer.
I hit a road bump and decided to put this experiment on hold. James Altucher always talks about there being two reasons for every decision: the reason you tell yourself and the real reason.
The reason I tell myself: I had to increase my time spent at work recently including a full Saturday, the cold weather massively reduced the amount of people walking around at these venues, the logistics of living 30+ minutes away from these venues, the nightmare of waiting 60+ minutes post workout until eating, etc….
The real reason: This was starting to become massively inefficient for both my time and energy. I got out of it what I needed, but decided to start spending my time and energy towards more important things in the short term.
I went out to Downtown Summerlin. The one approach worth talking about was one in which I was sitting down and then saw an attractive girl walking about 30 feet from me.
Me: “Excuse me. Hey I was sitting over there and saw you. You walk with a lot of confidence so I had to come say hello.”
Her: looking surprised. “Oh thanks haha”
Me: “You look like you’re on a mission. No one get in my way haha”
Her: she was laughing and stopped to conversate. She then asked me if someone over there dared me to come talk to her.
Me: “Yea you’re on YouTube right now. See all the cameras around you?”
She was laughing.
Me: “do you not recognize me? I’m actually famous. I write Justin Bieber’s lyrics so if you treat me like dog shit, I’ll get him to write a song about you.”
She was laughing hysterically. At some point she asked what I was up to.
Me: “I really wanted to grab Cream, but I’d rather eat there with a cute girl so I’m talking to girls to see if one wants to join me.”
Her: “Look all around. So many attractive girls.”
Me: “Yea but I have ridiculous standards for the girls I’m attracted to. You should feel really lucky I came and talked to you.” (in writing, this sounds overly cocky, but in the moment girls love it as long as they can sense you’re semi joking and have a positive vibe).
Her: “haha I feel so lucky (doing some cute pose). How old are you?”
Me: “How old do you think I am? Actually how old do I act?”
She was laughing.
Me: “I’m 45. How young are you?”
Her: “lol no you’re not! take a guess”
Me: hmmm 21? 22? (she was visibly older than me)
Her: “nope I’m older than you. What are you in your 20’s?”
Me: “I can be however old you need to be. Want me to be the 45 year old sophisticated gentleman? Come get in my Ferrari girl.”
Her: “hahahaha I don’t even like guys like that with the nice car.”
Me: “perfect. I can’t even afford a car. I only have a bike. If you want to go on a date with me, you have to ride on the back of my bike.”
Her: “hahahahah that’s funny. I don’t mind the exercise.”
Me: “it gives me amazingly sexy legs.”
Her: “hahah I’m sure. well I’m 33.”
Me: “it’s just all downhill for you then, huh?”
Her: “ugghh I know. It really is.”
Me: “well now you have a golden opportunity to date someone younger. Have you heard the studies that show if you date someone younger than you you’ll never age? You’ll be 33 forever and never get a day older.”
Her: “hahahahaha no way. really? is that a real thing?”
Me: “haha no I just made it up. Study of one. Just by me. Come to Cream with me. You’re fun.”
Her: she said she was in a rush to return some item. She also said I was too young for her.
Me: “do you want to pick up girls with me? Have you ever done it before?”
Her: “no I’ve never done it before lol, but I’m in a rush. Plus you’re so good at this you don’t need my help.”
Me: “I’m actually really shy and don’t know what to say to girls.”
Her: “yeaaaaaa mhmm” with a confused look on her face lmao
If you read this conversation in its literal context it sounds like I’m insanely cocky and I basically lie about everything in a literal sense. But I want to make it clear: numerous times in this interaction she mentioned how I made her day and how appreciative she was of me talking to her, how funny she thought I was, and even told me how “good” I was (whatever that means). Conversations between men and women are always 100x better when there’s a fun, casual, joking, and self-amusing vibe.
Also understand that I have a lot of experience in cold approach scenarios so I’m really calibrated as to what the girl’s feeling in the moment and I know what jokes I can get away with and MOST IMPORTANTLY how to inflect the tone of my voice so she knows that I’m joking. Girls only care about the vibe and behaviors and intent of what you’re saying, not the literal words being spoken.
Anywho…she seemed into me, but age can definitely be a deal breaker for some women, especially when cold approaching during the day when they have no other context of you. I never want to get the feeling like I’m convincing the girl to join me for a date or anything. I asked her to join me and she politely declined so I didn’t pursue any further.
I’m very appreciative of people spending time reading these posts, and I know of at least one very good friend who could benefit greatly from me adding this next section, so I’m going to include it. Most decisions I make revolve around the idea of only needing to help one person. If I can help one person out, it’s worth my time and effort.
I decided to join Tinder on Day 17 or 18 as a way to communicate with women during the day. I noticed that I could benefit greatly from communicating with women throughout the day via some type of messaging system before going out to talk to women in person.
Funny enough, I actually met a girl I really like and find really attractive even though I didn’t plan on meeting up with anyone from the app. This text exchange is a good example of all of the elements I’ve been trying to incorporate recently.
I’ve put a lot of effort towards seeing myself as the prize in an interaction, increasing my masculine energy, and self-amusing. I think this message exchange exemplifies all of these traits. In addition, I believe most dudes (absolutely including myself at times) really struggle with texting girls. Scan the internet for girls posting text screenshots for 20 seconds and you’ll come across thousands of dudes who are clueless (or just plain rude and misogynistic, but that’s for another conversation) on how to actually text women.
Luckily, I kept a private blog/diary of my nights out and text exchanges with girls from a couple years ago, back when I got deep into improving my success with women and went out 6x / week. I was able to read through it and all the memories brought me back to that time. This reminded me of how one should text thy women friends. I remembered how I used to be really witty, saw myself as the prize, set really good boundaries for myself, and gave girls a great experience with me.
Things to keep in mind when texting (and especially from online / dating app girls):
- they have insane abundance
- You are one of many dudes giving them attention
- Every guy hitting them up is asking for something, whether sex (mostly subtle) or their attention
- Guys are typically in the buyer frame and qualifying themselves on why the girl should “pick” them
- I see myself as the prize
- I do my best to say stuff that I find humorous
- I want to get the girl to qualify herself to me
- I want the girl reacting to what I say and not the other way around
My general conversation on a dating app like Tinder goes as follows:
- First message: “roses are red, violets are blue, now you have the opportunity to meet me”
- Include some jokes or statements about pictures
- Or include something funny that I find humorous
- Then tell her “I want to take you on a date.”
- Tell her to text me because I have to get back to slaying dragons or something
From the first message, I already want to establish the frame. I want her to see me as the prize. Using a metaphorical reference to a popular woman’s show, I set the frame that she was lucky to get my attention and I shall reward her with a rose. Since most guys ask the girl for the number, I wanted to switch around the frame and pretend like she was the one chasing me (emotional investment).
The first question she asks is about my career. I have two options: 1) to answer in a boring and non-dramatic way or 2) have some fun with it and find a way for her to become really intrigued by what I do (emotional investment again).
I say “would you believe me if I told you?” for a few different reasons. First, it subtly indicates that I have a high status job without having to say it. Second, it gets her to emotionally buy-in. She will likely be really curious about what I do. Third, read 50 Shades of Grey if you want to know what mystery and intrigue do to a girl. By asking her if she’ll believe me if I tell her, it adds a sense of intrigue and mystery to what I actually do. (this type of phrasing works really well for jobs that may not “sound” interesting to a potential partner).
By telling her that I want her to like me for me and not my career, I’m establishing that I am of high value and I’m someone who doesn’t like talking about my success. Girls love when a guy is successful and doesn’t feel the need to brag about it. That’s exactly the purpose of this sentence. I want to subtly let her know that I’m someone she needs to get to know, but not someone who needs to brag about accomplishments to get her to like me. (if you need a great example, imagine Tom Cruise getting on Tinder. If a girl asked him what he did, he wouldn’t respond with a list of all his accomplishments, awards, earnings, etc. He would simply respond with something funny and confident as hell like “google me :) “
I ask her to tell me first. I also guess photography as that was one of her interests in her bio indicating that I actually read it.
My goal for this message was to get her to start qualifying herself to me. Let’s see what happens….
You can see how much she is qualifying herself here. If you are unsure of what I mean by qualifying oneself, it’s a behavior someone uses to list out all of the reasons why the other person should be with them, like them, pick them, etc.
An example: listen to any girl talk about how guys hit on them. They will all say similar phrases like…
- “I will take you out on so many dates.”
- “I can buy you stuff.”
- “I have an awesome job that pays so well. I make $x amount per year.”
- “I’ll treat you so well by buying you all these flowers”
- “I have such a cool car”
Or even worse, they attempt to flash their wealth by telling the girl what car they drive, how much they make, or how much they bench press.
It’s shocking how clueless most dudes are with talking to women and how all of this turns them off faster than a light switch.
This is all a means of qualifying themselves. You can use it to your advantage though. It’s natural to begin qualifying yourself to someone you see as having higher value. If you can get the girl to begin qualifying herself to you and begin giving you reasons on why you should “pick” her, you have her really interested and already have a much better chance with her than other suitors.
I want to let her know that I’m impressed with what she’s done. I like to include little statements of interest, but definitely no more than very little.
I also indicate that I have boundaries and standards. It’s a pretty vague statement to say I like girls who have hobbies and go after what they want, but I want to indicate that I’m the type of dude who selects who I want to be with, instead of Desperate Danny just taking what I can get. Girls love when guys have boundaries and standards, so any instance where I can indicate this behavior and value is beneficial.
At this point, I’ve established myself as someone she needs to meet and have gotten enough buy in from her to get her on a date.
Now I shift from the prize to logistics. I need to start planning for the date.
I ask her what part of town to start figuring out the logistics.
PLEASE TAKE NOTE FELLAS: girls will go as dry as a blacktop in the summer if you don’t take charge. Please do not be the guy asking the girl what she wants to do. However if you live in Vegas, please be that guy so I have less competition :)
I set the plans and give her an opportunity to pick a day. I’m letting her know when I’m free and she can choose any of three options. She is wayyyyyy more likely to agree to a small amount of choices rather than something vague like “when are you free?” (look up the paradox of choice if you’re interested in learning more about human behavior and decision making).
I also pick a place very close to her (and of course close to me) so that her chance of following through is 10x higher.
The last thing you want to do is ask for some vague time. Give her a chance to select one of two or three options.
Now that I have a day, now to pick the time.
Ding ding ding. She is interested. The second she responded asking about tonight as opposed to a time in the future is as green of a light as you’ll get from a girl saying she’s interested.
No matter what I was doing that night, I cancelled.
Now that we have the date set up, she asked about my job. There’s no point in beating around the bush at this point. I work in software development which is about as boring as a job as you can say. I literally sit at a computer all day around a bunch of nerdy dudes talking about programming computers. But by adding intrigue before, I’ve all of a sudden made my job sound a lot cooler.
But I don’t stop there. I mention that a lot of girls don’t like nerds and that I hope she’s different. This is really deep because I’m disqualifying myself after I’ve established that I have a good career and most importantly I’m giving her an opportunity to prove to me why she’s different.
I am extremely nerdy. I spend basically 90% of my waking life around computers, learning to program computers, and talking in binary. However, I’ve now changed the frame around so that my job is really cool and actually a positive.
Imagine in the first text if I just responded with “I work as a QA Analyst.” That’s so fu$%#@ boring and cuts the thread right there. However, now my job is this cool thing where she’s explaining why she’s actually into people who are nerdy.
Again, I indicate that I’m the one who chooses who I date and am not someone who is in scarcity mode taking what I can get. I let her know what behavior I like, and one that I think all girls will appreciate (connection).
In addition, no one wants to be told they’re judgemental so I let her know that I appreciate that she isn’t judgemental of me being a nerd. This is also another way of me indicating slight interest, but again nothing more than just a little.
And then bam!!!! She knocks me out with an us-versus-them. The most powerful dynamic in groups (whether 2 or many). By creating an us-versus-them, you have major emotional buy-in.
And then of course she asks for pictures to make sure I am who I say I am.
Hmmmmmmmm I wonder how I can have some fun with this…
I send her two pretty solid pictures. One where I have Laguna Beach behind me and another where I’m dressed really sharp.
And then I get playful. I ask her which one I look beautiful. LMAO. I basically am inviting her to give me compliments. Again, this is one of my main tenets: I am the prize. And I do stuff that makes me laugh. (I laugh hysterically every time I ask girls if they think I’m beautiful). And by telling her to pick one, I’m basically making sure she tells me I’m beautiful. Haha I’m laughing as I type this.
That is a lot of hahahahah. She thought it was hilarious. I’m extremely cocky here, but for a reason. I still want her to view me as the prize. But I also add in a compliment to ease off on the cockiness and let her know I am attracted to her without being too direct.
I added the part about being shorter as self-amusement. I think it’s hilarious. But it’s also subtly letting her know that I’m extremely confident and not insecure. I’m of average height so me saying I wish I was shorter is giving off good indication of a strong self-esteem.
I want to compliment her on her appearance at this point. Notice how I finally compliment her on her appearance near the end. It’s very easy to compliment a girl right away, but it rarely has any effect.
It’s like when girls tell me I have nice biceps. They need to win me over first before it has any positive seductive effect ;)
At this point, I don’t want to continue texting her because I don’t want to become “text buddies” and seem needy at all for her attention.
I’ve established that I’m the prize, I’m beautiful LMAO, and I’m confident. I cut the thread by letting her know I’m excited to meet her and then tell her to have a good day.
In case you care or need proof this worked, we both really like each other and have spent a good amount of time together in the subsequent 2+ weeks.
A few things to always keep in mind when texting:
See yourself as the prize
If you’re not a dipshit and actually have some value to provide to a potential partner, focus on all of the positive traits you have. View yourself as the prize and everyone should be pursuing you. If you don’t see yourself as having much value, then get that worked out ASAP (spend the next year improving job career, go on as many dates as you possibly can, improve wardrobe, hit the gym, read books about social psychology, etc etc)
Always look for ways to be creative and funny
It’s hard to tell someone to be creative and funny. You have to work on these two traits. But, I think the quickest way to increase your comedic or creative touch is to lose the idea of what you should say or what is normally said. Common questions like “what do you do for fun?” and “what do you do for work?” don’t need to be answered in a completely logical way.
I always ask myself how can I have fun with this question/situation. And then I’ll text stuff that I think is funny. You shouldn’t worry about a girl “liking you” when you say stuff that you find funny or topics you enjoy talking about. If she doesn’t enjoy your jokes or what you want to talk about, you were never going to be a good match anyway.
Every text doesn’t need to follow sequential logic
Guys have an issue where we think every bit of the conversation needs to follow in a logical sequential order.
If she says something you don’t have an answer to, don’t respond. If you want to keep texting, just create a new thread of conversation that you want to talk about. You always want the girl reacting to you and not the other way around. This establishes that frame.
Thanks for following along. It was an enjoyable 30 days.
The objective measures were increased confidence, building up the habits of talking to girls I find attractive whenever I’m in a situation to do so, and simply getting back to being a social human being.
I’m “talking”, “seeing” two girls currently which is a big step up from where I was just 30 days ago. I also feel a lot better about myself. And most importantly, I have a much more positive outlook on life.
I have noticed that I have an extreme case of success barriers holding me back. There is one past traumatic experience that I think is still lingering which has had some effect on my success within the past 30 days.
Luckily, I have built up the ability to psycho analyze myself in a very deep and profound way. I’m very good at pinpointing certain issues and figuring out what the root cause is.
I will be looking to improve on this defect of mine over the next few months. Thanks again for reading.