How Queerness Erased Bisexuality
Dawne Moon
42614

I think this isn’t the only factor. Sexual bisexuals who are not culturally able to grasp or feel the need to could benefit from some visibility since most of us are in that. I was outed early and learned Krav Maga to stop being beat up daily so heterosexuals were my only other prior to gay people and since I was in the 90s when we didn’t care and landed more in goth and punk spaces and I was very socially dominant there.

I fully respect the different variations of bisexual but many, including be because I conceptualized myself as both. It makes sense to me that I am both and given the climate at the time and success I had, while crossdressing and goth etc and pretty, feminine and all, I out queered queer. Queer suggests a lesser than mentality to me and when I managed to be a goth and slutty/skimpy crossdresser and would be seen as passable and genderqueer now.

Yet still able to shove heteros around and navigate in this space, I think we should focus on a compromise to help increase visibility. I defended myself against two bullies in one shot once in heels and a miniskirt because I was “a hot she-male” etc and other times my ex and I were called anti-lesbian slurs etc and I am seen as this “heteronormative monster” these days and I had Marilyn Manson compliment me because he saw a hot groupie but my persona and voice was very masculine.

It was intentional because it shocked people and in goth/punk spaces where I was a leader then, I kept the bro mentality and the queen mentality out because punk/goth is just counterculture and our commonality was that then. It’s unfair that people who are only sexually bisexual are treated like scum and bashed as closet cases when a good majority of the ones on that end keep it in the bedroom and to them it is more like BDSM. They don’t deny if asked but if they will not be seen as queer in any way and don’t understand the mentality or point, helping them connect with like minds and not get shamed by gay male dominant norms, it would help keep their expression of sexuality safer. They have Grindr or Craigslist, No strings attached can not matter because romantic bi men and gay men will con themselves with their own egos because they catch feelings. It isn’t homophobia either because their wife sits and watches.

I think that heterosexuality has evolved more than the rest but the lack of tolerance for any variation outside of “queerness” and that culture, is a problem on the bisexual end. It creates the continuity of problems because when we are clear that romance isn’t possible, and we have high risk as an option. They’re not denying the bisexual component but it has no bearing on their identity as a person which they are not too concerned about. Homophobic bi people exist too but I know I am open but I was outed and I have a different experience. When those bi people see bisexuals as a community, they see the tumblr demographic where there seems to be a common look and a place they can’t grasp. In reality, if they start genociding etc. since human history has that and there’s targeting of some groups, having the 5th column over there would help.

Every bi from bi-kink to middle of the road bisexuals who romantically can only at this point work out with women went to offer help for our community after Pulse. And the majority in my area were those angry tumblr extremist bisexuals who when we said, hey, we’re also bi, sat up there and attacked us as heteronormative when we were dating one another but they were dating hetero men?? I think some compromise would help this issue. When bisexuality’s spectrum gets referenced in the cultural sense, men specifically seemed to be obligated to identify specifically with what we are if only with men.

When they see nothing but negativity all the time and then we tend to be shamed too, it’s hard to want to be part of that. I didn’t choose “passing privilege and I have a snake tongue and tattoos up my arms so I am still not cookie cutter in any way and my girlfriend and I are in a sexual relationship with another bisexual couple too. We do look that way but it’s because 90s bisexuality had a “be superhot and cocky and smirk at being hated because we’d just date other bi people and didn’t listen to theories. Times and culture are part of it too. Most bi people are turned off bi the queerness. I our queered queer in my mind. I looked like the goth girl from the Craft and the social rise of the Marilyn Manson angsty culture really added a larger number of us so I ended up being seen as different. And sadly because of 90s norms, when we and gay and trans people could get beat by a group of people and hear, “well, you’re the ones who are like that” as a response (prior to Matthew Shepard), I had to conform to bullying heterosexual men because they were much more violent and it was more widespread.