Game of Thrones Deleted Scene: Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Hymens

Pablo Casablancas
Aug 8, 2017 · 6 min read
Is this fucking broad for real?

When not waiting for the nukes to fall and kill us all, I find myself mired in watching the jumped shark shitshow Game of Thrones, which I used to enjoy but is now stupid and dumb, in that order. A recent episode featured an idiotic snippet of convo between between luscious, tawny lieutenant and all around fox, Missandei, and Daeneyrs, Mother of Dragons and a right proper perv. It was meant to be cute but was in fact dumb cause we’re all supposed to be on board with the idea that Miss Missandei is into a dickless moron. I’ve called bullshit and rewrote the scene as it shoulda went down. Let’s all read it before we die.

Ext. Beach. Day.

Daeneyrs: So…my spies tell me you paid a visit to Grey Worm’s quarters late last night. About time you turned slut.

Missandei: (blushing) My Queen, really…

Daeneyrs: Don’t “my Queen”, me. I want details you tart. My only friends are dragons and a drunk midget. I’m due for a little girl talk. In fact, as your Queen, I demand you spare no details. Now, tell me, as Mother of Dragons and Breaker of Chains, did he break your hymen?

Missandei: Hymen breaking is a bit of a myth actually. I could show you some literature on he subject…

Daeneyrs: Don’t you dare correct me. Now quit being so coy and out with it. You jabber in 200 languages every other day and suddenly today you’re a bloody mute? Tongue too sticky with man spunk to gab, is that it? Come on now you silly wench, tell your Queen how he stormed your keep. Don’t be prudish. All the detes for Daeneyrs. How big is his sword?

Missandei: Oh dear…

Daeneyrs: (smacking her forehead)Oh for fucks sake how insensitive of me. I completely forgot. He’s a fucking eunuch! Blonde moment! Lol. I’m losing my mind like he’s lost his rod, the silly rootless sod.Christ,what with this war and those fucking dragons shitting everywhere…ruin every fucking pair of heels I own! Anyway, of course you’re reluctant to talk about that poor dickless dolt. But answer me this, since his genitals are long gone, just what were you doing in his quarters late at night? Since it sure as shit it wasn’t fucking. You peg him?

Missandei: My Queen, if you must know, he went down on me.

Daeneyrs: Well I should hope fucking so! Is that all? I mean at a bare minimum he should go down on you, and do your fucking taxes while you ride his face. But why him? Why go for a man without a dick? I’m worried about your self worth if that’s all you think you deserve. You’re beautiful, intelligent, have a great career with a bright future. You’re not being greedy by wanting both the tongue and the todger. These are progressive times. Choose life. Choose cock.

Missandei: I love him, with or without a penis.

Daeneyrs: Love him? Are you fucking mad? Just what do you love about him? I don’t want to insult you but his severed penis actually has a better personality than the man himself. I’d sooner sit down and have a chat with his dismembered balls than have to endure a “conversation” with that fucking brainless prig. You know he was raised from infancy to do one thing, murder, and has cultivated zero other skills, right? He can’t even fucking read! He was brutalized as a child and trained to obey his slave master’s orders without question. That’s all he did his whole fucking useless life until I freed his sorry arse. He’s like a robot for fuck’s sake. A shit, dull, boring, vapid murderous robot. Tell him who to kill, point him in the right direction and watch him go. That’s all he’s fucking good for! But you fell in love with him. Was it his sparkling fucking wit? That sand your standing on is funnier. His charm? My chamber pot has more charm. Just what do you talk about exactly? The people he’s killed? How he spent his adolescence surrounded by other dickless boys learning how to stab?

Missandei: He’s really very sweet once you give him a chance.

Daeneyrs: He’s miscast is what he is.

Missandei: Miscast?

Daenerys: Miscast. Let’s just say if this were a play of sorts, and actors were cast in our parts, he’s grossly miscast. For instance, I’m young, hot, and look good naked. Can I play the Dragon Queen? You bet your fucking cocoa tits I can. But as for Grey Worm? The idea that out of 10,000 boys raised from infancy to be warriors, the one to emerge as the best would be that wee skinny wanker who weighs 150 pounds and is named Grey Worm? Not bloody likely. Grey Worm? More like NO worm, amirite? LOL.

Missandei: Was that a pun my Queen? By worm you meant his dick, or lack thereof?

Daeneyrs: (looking to the heavens dreamily) Kingslayer…that’s a proper fucking nickname. Tall, handsome bloke and you KNOW he has a cock, even if it’s his sister’s twat he dips it in. Littlefinger, great fucking facial hair and what he lacks in size he makes up for in ass play, or so the whores whisper to me. Khal Drogo. Wow. Fuck me, now there was a man properly cast. You can believe he would be the head of a tribe. Huge…man. Strong, handsome, he raped me you know. That’s how I lost my hymen. I came to love him in time. Lord knows he never ate me out, too busy brutalizing me…(heavy sigh)…the star in my sky…(wistful look across the ocean)…where was I?

Missandei: You were raped?

Daeneyrs: And the Mountain. You ever see that fucker? Great name and properly cast. A right fucking giant, not like that wee skid mark without a cock you’ve fallen in love with. I mean Christ I would have more respect with you if you fucked that drunken dwarf Tyrion. He may be tiny but he’s got balls, wit, charm, and, from what the wenches whisper, a mallet that hammers. And yet you choose to flop on your back for a moron with a pussy for a penis. Or whatever he’s got down there. Or doesn’t have. Just an extended taint I imagine. Christ.

Missandei: I will admit it does take some getting used to.

Daeneyrs: Do you know how badly this reflects on me? My only girlfriend and closest confidante dating a fucking shite like that monotone idiot. “Me fight. Me no like being slave. Me the fucking Frankenstein of Westeros.” God, my pussy will petrify if I keep thinking about that dull as shit door without a knob you call a lover. I’d sooner swallow a thousand Cersei queefs than be left alone with that imbecile for 5 minutes. Don’t you dare think I’ll double date with you once this war thing is over.

Missandei: You don’t have to of course.

Daeneyrs: And think of the war! I imagine that you laying with that velvet crotch isn’t doing much for the morale of my men! Think of how it must make them feel, many of them handsome, wealthy, accomplished, and with working wangs, but they’re in their tents, alone, pulling their pricks cause Missandei would rather be with that walking fucking Ken Doll, Grey Worm.

Missandei: Ken Doll?

Daeneyrs: No wonder they’re always moping. What a blow to their egos! Good God I just realized my closest advisers are two eunuchs, a dwarf, and some ditz who doesn’t have the good sense to go lesbian. You know if you’re fine without a pole in your hole then why not eschew men altogether and go taco full time? You think you’ll have more fun sharing mumbles with that sad no sack having idiot than you would muff diving with me? We can sit on the veranda overlooking the Seven Kingdoms, quaffing flagons filled with cosmopolitans and talking dick til the dragons come home. Now be sensible and ask your Queen to eat you out. Surely you’d prefer my platinum locks betwixt your thighs than a fella without a bellend.

Missandei: Quite so.

Daeneyrs: Quite so indeed. Fuck me, I dare say we could use the diversion, and I imagine you’ll smell better than my prior suitors. Khal Drogo, I mentioned him before…

Missandei: He raped you.

Daeneyrs: Well yes, but don’t get hung up on that. Christ, did he ever smell like shit, but, and it’s a big one, he also gave me a right proper pounding. Well beyond a tongue’s power I can assure you. What a fucking club he had! In fact I’ll have the maester produce a facsimile out of dragonglass for our enjoyment. You’ll forget all about that cock-free prat Grey Worm once you’re on the receiving end of my royal dildo.

Missandei: That sounds lovely, my Queen. Perhaps Tyrion can watch us frolic and wank?

Daeneyrs: You saucy little bitch.

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