Ask ‘What’ Not ‘Why’

Let’s say you’re in a terrible mood after work. Asking Why do I feel this way? is likely to elicit such unhelpful answers as because I hate Mondays! or because I’m just a negative person! What if you instead asked what am I feeling right now? Perhaps you’d realize that you’re overwhelmed at work, exhausted, and hungry. Rather than blindly reacting to these feelings, you take a step back, decide to fix yourself dinner, call a friend for some advice about how to manage your work stress, and commit to an early bedtime.

‘What’ questions help us understand ourselves.

Asking what instead of why forces us to name our emotions, a process that a strong body of research has shown to be effective. The simple act of translating our emotions into language — versus simply experiencing them — can stop our brains from activating our amygdala, the fight-or-flight command center, and this in turn helps us stay in control. If this sounds too simple to be true, try naming your feelings for a week and see what you notice.

“It makes us depressed; it tends to make us beat ourselves up in a non-productive way. But if we can ask the question of ‘what,’ that’s more future-oriented. That can make all the difference in the world.”

Specifically, Eurich said, you might ask: “What can I do differently in the future?” or, “What can I learn from this particular event that will help me be more successful next time?”

In her new book, “Insight,” the psychologist Tasha Eurich highlights a few reasons why the What Not Why tool works.

Imagine your brain as one big search engine. When you need answers in life, you form questions that serve as your keywords. Your brain then searches its resources and gives out possible answers. The more specific your keyword entry, the more specific the answer. This excerpt, “Ask What, Not Why” discusses which questions access your inner-wisdom and move you toward your goal, and which will return the equivalent of an “Error 404: File not Found” message.

But don’t get me wrong: asking “Why?” has been the key to many a brilliant discovery. When it comes to making changes in our lives, however, “why” is not an effective short-term tool. The way to your life blueprint requires asking deeper, more useful questions in order to get better answers and more effective action.

The search engine in our brains is highly sophisticated, but it requires a well-phrased question to take advantage of it. Wisdom Access Questions (WAQs) are designed to do help you be specific in your information gathering so you can come up with answers that have the power to move you forward.

CONVERTING INFORMATION QUESTIONS INTO WISDOM ACCESS QUESTIONS

*Instead of Asking Yourself* / *Ask*

Why is this happening to me? / What do I need to get through this?

Why am I such a failure? / What will get me what I want?

Why aren’t I better at this? / What can I do to improve?

Why can’t I have a charmed life like ____? / What can I learn from _____ ?

*Instead of Asking Others* / *Ask*

Why did she say that? / What could have made her say that?

Whose fault was it? / What is the solution?

How will you do that? / What will you do?

Why would they do that? / What could be learned from this?

This last question have taught me so much about people around me lately. If one word makes your brain google better why not???