Brain Drain the Swamp

“How hard can it be to say ‘Nazis are bad’?” — President Barack Obama
“That was the biggest fucking mistake I’ve made……..the worst speech I’ve ever given” — Fake President Donald Trump after being forced to condemn white supremacists in Charlottesville.
A criminal complaint and a judicial ethics complaint against Brett Kavanaugh for perjury in a congressional testimony has been filed with the Department of Justice and the DC Circuit Court. Judge Merrick Garland will review. Brain pop.
Former Nixon White House Counsel, John Dean, said “Under Judge Kavanaugh’s recommendation, if a president shot somebody in cold blood on Fifth Avenue, that president could not be prosecuted while in office.”
Trump was going to sue Stormy Daniels for a gazillion dollars but decided against it since he’d have to be deposed.
3,000 coat hangers showed up at Suzanne Collins office.
Ted Cruz is out there on the campaign trail warning Texans that Beto O’Rourke will bring tofu, silicon and dyed hair to Texas. That and he says “fuck” a lot.
Have you touched a Republican Texas boob lately?
“Meanwhile Canadian Ted wants to bring maple sugar candy and gravy on fries to Texas” — Molly Jong-Fast
The conservative magazine, the National Review, tried to be funny by calling Cory Booker “I Am Schmuck-acus.” They tried to make fun of Booker for saying that he had an I Am Spartacus moment. Senator Schmuckaleupagus or sporty cuss (fuck, fuck, fuck! Beto said fuck!) would have been funnier but Republicans can’t tell jokes. There is something wrong with their brains. They suffer from Cerebralbuttkiss. Every moment is a Cerebralbuttkiss moment if you’re a Republican.
Brain teasers are for Democrats.
If the media covers all of Obama’s speeches from now until election day like they did Trump, the blue wave will taste like blueberry cobbler and everybody will be happy and nobody will ever say “fuck” again.
Republican hypocrite fun fact: Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska says he thinks about leaving the Republican Party about three times a week. If he votes yes on Brett Kavanaugh, he won’t be getting any blueberry cobbler and everybody will say, “Fuck you” in Nebraska (and Texas.)
“If Obama was president and a tape existed of him telling lawyer to pay off his mistress in cash the GOP would have repealed the Emancipation Proclamation by now” — Matt Oswalt
I could while away the powers
Conferrin’ with Trump Towers
Consulting with the lawyer train
And my head I’d be a knockin’
While my thoughts are treason talkin’
If I only had a brain.
“You cannot sit back and wait for a savior. You can’t opt out because you don’t feel sufficiently inspired by this or that particular candidate. This is not a rock concert. This is not Coachella. We don’t need a messiah.” — President Barack Obama
In other words, use your brain.
