Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Chuck and Nancy were invited to dinner at the White House. Trump thought he made a deal but then took it back in the morning. Right after dinner Chuck and Nancy released a joint statement saying that they had all reached an agreement to protect DACA kids quickly while improving border security without a wall. 17 minutes later Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted out that the wall is still happening. The president is going to get his wall! All in all it’s just another bootlick in the wall. Hey POTUS! Leave them kids alone!

Breitbart responded right away with the headline: AMNESTY DON CAVES ON DACA!

Then Trump fired back on Twitter: No deal was made last night on DACA. Massive border security would have to be agreed to in exchange for consent. Would be subject to vote. The Wall… will continue to be built.

Chuck and Nancy fired back in the morning with another official statement clarifying that what was agreed upon was Trump supporting congressional actions to put DACA protections into law.

Trump told reporters this morning that the wall would come later and that Mitch and Paul are “very much on board.”

Ted Cruz said in an interview with CNN that he was one of the most libertarian members of Congress and that people should be able to do whatever they want in the privacy of their bedrooms. When asked about his support of making sex toys illegal when he was solicitor general, he said the media has blown that way out of proportion. When asked about liking a porn video on Twitter, he blamed it on a stiffer. I mean staffer. After the interview, nobody wanted to shake his hand.

Interns were on the ready with their Resistance brand hand sanitizer.

Bail was revoked for Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli because he put a call out for somebody to get him a strand of Hillary Clinton’s hair.

Former top national security advisor, Michael Flynn, was trying to sell nuclear plants to the Middle East when he was working in the White House.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Montana Senator Steve Daines voted NO on Hurricane Harvey relief but wants FEMA money for Montana’s fires.

Filthy rich Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin requested a government jet to take him and his third wife to Europe for their honeymoon. He didn’t want to use one of his own jets, paid for by ripping Americans off when he was a Wall Street banker who kicked people out of their homes.

After losing their homes in the Great Recession after Steven Mnuchin foreclosed on them, Floridians are losing their homes again by a hurricane fueled by fossil fuels that rich white men like Exxon CEO and Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, control.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders used the White House podium as a bully pulpit, calling for the firing of a black, female ESPN reporter who called Trump a racist on her personal Twitter account.

While Florida and Houston dry out after being pummeled by climate change, the leader of the free world is tweeting petty digs at “Crooked” Hillary Clinton.

There was a school shooting in Spokane, Washington but who cares.

The irony of Trump trying to sell a tax plan that doesn’t exist when he himself doesn’t pay taxes is lost on the people who voted for him.

Chuck and Nancy politely declined the beautiful chocolate cake (with the Trump name hidden under the frosting) offered to them after dinner last night. They’re waiting for their just desserts.