Trump TV

Spike Dolomite
Aug 16 · 3 min read

Trump thinks he can buy Greenland.

Trump said on TV that he was voted Man of the Year in Michigan. Michigan doesn’t have a Man of the Year.

Trump said on TV that he was going to cure AIDS and childhood cancer. Again. He also said that NASA facilities used to have lots of weeds and cracks in the ground but now that he’s president everything looks beautiful.

If it happens on TV, it happened.

Within hours of Trump blaming the media for the Dow Jones tanking he said the economy can’t be bad because Walmart is doing well. Walmart laid off 250,000 workers.

Ignore the village idiot.

It’s back to school season. Gun nuts are telling parents that if their kids get shot at school it’s their fault for not arming them. We can’t ignore those village idiots. They have guns.

After Trump endorsed his former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski (“He’s great on television”) for a Senate run in New Hampshire he did a MAGA rally in New Hampshire thinking it would help. It didn’t. Earlier in the day the House Judiciary Committee subpoenaed Corey Lewandowski to appear before it on September 17th.

Trump is worried that his former campaign manager will have to testify on TV.

At his MAGA white nationalist rally in New Hampshire, Trump singled out a guy out in the crowd he thought was a protester “That guy’s got a serious weight problem. Go home, start exercising!” Trump had him thrown out. Turns out he was just another fat MAGA. After the crowd booed the guy out, Trump resumed his speech, “Our movement is built on love.” Just in case they didn’t feel the love, he warned them that if the stock market crashed and he lost, they’d lose, “You have no choice but to vote for me, because your 401(k)s down the tubes, everything’s gonna be down the tubes. So whether you love me or hate me, you gotta vote for me.”

“I’m not sure what’s scarier: It’s 2019 and they televise Klan rallies live, that we still have Klan rallies, or that the grand wizard is also the president of the United States” — Adam Parkhomenko

After Trump tweeted that Israel shouldn’t let 2 US Muslim members of Congress in, he tweeted: Representatives Omar and Tlaib are the face of the Democrat Party, and they HATE Israel!

Both Florida senators, Marco Rubio and Rick Scott, tweeted out their support for Trump telling Israel to close itself to 2 US congresswomen.

Israel’s government changed its mind overnight and will allow a visit from Rashida Tlaib with conditions. She said no. Ilhan Omar is still not invited.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says she won’t go to Israel until all members of Congress are allowed.

Beto O’Rourke is back on the campaign trail after mourning with his El Paso community. He’s headed for the deep south to confront racism and Trump. That would be great television.

Republicans are trying to smear Beto by posting Beto’s mug shot from when he was arrested for burglary and a DWI. He had hopped a fence and drove drunk when he was a stupid teenager and both charges were dropped. AH HA! GOTCHA!

Nipples the First Lady isn’t doing anything, as usual, so there’s nothing to watch on TV.

Someone is leaving old TVs outside homes in Virginia while wearing a TV on his head. 50 so far. No one knows why.

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For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

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Spike Dolomite

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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