Unconstitutional Constitution

Spike Dolomite

The White House sent the House Democrats an 8 page FUCK YOU letter saying that they will not cooperate with the impeachment inquiry unless they put an end to the impeachment inquiry. Nancy Pelosi responded promptly, calmly and sternly, like a good mom: You will cooperate.

Don’t mess with mom. Doesn’t everybody know that?

The White House has made an official statement — the US Constitution is unconstitutional.

Trump is such a dumb dumb loser idiot that he is calling stuff unconstitutional that’s actually in the constitution.

“The White House letter announcing that Trump won’t cooperate with the impeachment inquiry reads like it was drafted by Rudy Giuliani, Stephen Miller, and Sean Hannity after snorting a bunch of coke, reading an Anne Coulter book, watching a Dinesh D’Souza talk, and sniffing glue.” — Brad Simpson

Camera hogs Gym Jordan and Matt Gaetz stumped for Trump after Trump tweeted a new way of saying witch hunt — kangaroo court. Captain Kangaroo Gaetz and Mr. Green Jeans Gordon told the press that the Dems were leading a Captain Kangaroo court. They did it with a straight face because they’re too dumb to know why people would think that was funny all day plus they both lost a lot of brain cells from alcohol and being taken to the Matt one too many times.

Howdy Doody Children of the Corn Trey Gowdy is back! He’s Trump’s new lawyer. The guy who wasted 2 ½ years and $8 million who should have gone to jail for altering records on Benghazi is the perfect choice! He’s an expert on fake scandals and he hates Hillary Clinton as much as Trump does. He’ll keep Hillary trending.

Gordon Sondland, the millionaire who donated a million to Trump’s inauguration and was rewarded with an ambassadorship position, is in big trouble for participating in a criminal conspiracy with a private messaging app on behalf of a criminal president who won by demonizing a former Secretary of State for using a private email server. He used a personal phone for State business. He didn’t show up for the House Intelligence Committee hearing yesterday so now he has been subpoenaed. He could go to jail for Trump. It doesn’t pay to pay to play.

US troops are leaving Syria. Turkey and Russia are moving in because Trump is indebted to them financially and because he needs to show the MAGAs that he is fulfilling a campaign promise — “The stupid endless wars are ending.” He needs the sound byte for his MAGA rallies. He’s so stupid he doesn’t get it. He’s so cruel that he doesn’t care. Withdrawal of American troops means more genocide of the Kurds and the release of thousands of ISIS prisoners.

US/Turkey relations fun fact: Besides Trump being compromised because he draws $5 million profit from his 2 towers in Istanbul, Trump knew that his first pick for national security advisor, Mike Flynn, was a foreign agent for Turkey. He and other Trump associates planned to kidnap US resident, Fethullah Gülen, a Turkish Islamic scholar and preacher branded by the Turkish government as a terrorist, and return him to Turkey.

Trump is having a MAGA rally in Minneapolis tomorrow and he’s not welcome. A mass protest is planned (this is Ilhan Omar’s congressional district and they love her.) The mayor made a public statement saying that they don’t want him there or the trouble that he’ll bring to their city. Since he stiffed El Paso $500,000, Minneapolis said he’ll have to pay the security costs up front — $530,000. Trump got mad at the “radical” mayor and accused him of using his power to keep his followers from hearing his message. Then he got mad at the city and threatened to sue for extortion. He picked a fight with the mayor on Twitter. He tweeted: Dump Frey and Omar! Make America Great Again!

The mayor’s response? Yawn.

“Yawn… Welcome to Minneapolis where we pay our bills, we govern with integrity, and we love all of our neighbors.” — Jacob Frey, Mayor of Minneapolis

Kevin McArthy’s talking point for today is the Democrats are using a sham impeachment inquiry to reverse the results of the 2016 election. Trump’s talking point is deep state conspiracy. The GOP is such a chaotic hot mess that they can’t even keep their outrageous talking points straight.

Trump gave Edwin Meese, Ronald Reagan’s scandalized attorney general, the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Trump wouldn’t know Ed Meese from a hole in his wall. Bill Barr had to have something to do with this. He’s a fan. The two AGs share the belief that the Constitution grants presidents broad control over the executive branch, including firing FBI directors. Ed Meese was an uber conservative Republican who hated poor people and blamed them for their fate. He hated pornography too. He used his power to rid the country of pornography forever. And now he’s being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by a sexual predator who has made cameos in porn movies and paid off a porn star from the Oval Office.

If the Presidential Medal of Freedom fits, wear it.

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Spike Dolomite

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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